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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Party invites 3 months ahead?!!!

59 replies

Shadowboy · 15/03/2019 19:24

I don’t know if it’s just the pre-school my daughter attends but the party invites are ridiculously far ahead.... so today she received a party invite for the 8th June! That’s three months away!! I have no idea what commitments we will have in June so there is no chance of me RSVPing for a while! This is not the first time- we also have invites for May, June the 1st etc.

Am I being unreasonable in finding these early invites being given out far too early? Plus the kids get excited about going.... only to forget about the party 3 months later!

OP posts:

dietcokemegafan · 15/03/2019 22:22

I work weekends some weekends so when it’s far ahead I can’t commit to more than 6 weeks ahead. In those days the grandparents look after the kids in a nearby town- so it’s not about a better offer from another party

in which case a quick message to the parents - sorry I'm not sure if I'm working that weekend, I'll get back to you when I get my rota on x date - is surely fine? It's really not that big a deal.

MrsWillGardner · 15/03/2019 22:35

I asked my best friend 3 weeks ago if her son wanted to come to my sons birthday next week and she told me that was too early!

dietcokemegafan · 17/03/2019 21:10

I think the point is you don't have to reply that early. I sent out an invite to my son's June party a week or so ago - about half have replied. I have no intention of chasing the others until a month beforehand. But everyone's diaries fill up and if I sent out invites a month in advance, no-one would be free.

Noodledoodledoo · 17/03/2019 21:39

I did mine 3 months ahead but that was due to a lot of the guests my daughter knew from nursery and were heading off to reception and finishing nursery in the July, also had to account for people on holdiay - she was is still at nursery and party was in September! Although RSVP date was mid September.

Crunchymum · 17/03/2019 21:44

I had an invite for late December 2019 in late December 2018!!

Granted it's an adult / destination jobby but still.

thedisorganisedmum · 17/03/2019 21:45

some halls need to be booked early, especially the nice and cheap ones. Some parents like to be organised.

If they have made the bookings already, why not telling the guests then? For most people, you check your calendar and you decide if you want to go or not. If you can't know by the RSVP, tell the parents then!

I don't really like to only get 2 or 3 weeks warning, by that time it's generally too late and we have plans already.

Mamabear12 · 17/03/2019 21:47

I think if you want a lot of children to attend for sure send out ahead. If you are fine with some not being able to go close to the date it is. I think 3 months early is a bit much! But perhaps it coincides w a term break or something ? So they are worried about numbers.

irnbruxtra · 17/03/2019 21:49

My DS2 party is in May, invites sent to nursery pals last week. Didn't think anything of it tbh, I have given until a week before party to RSVP

howabout · 17/03/2019 21:52

YANBU

3 months ahead invites for a pre-school party of some DC who just happens to be in the same class as mine does not give dibs on my time or the rest of the family. I have 3 DC and loads of commitments to balance. I won't commit to anything non-critical more than a couple of weeks ahead and long term invites like this irritate me so much with their presumption they tend to get "forgotten".

thedisorganisedmum · 17/03/2019 22:03

I don't understand, what "presumption"?
They let you know early to help you plan ahead, that's a positive, surely.

If you don't want your child to attend because it takes from your "family time", then just RSVP no . You sound really unpleasant, to wait until a better offer comes, and "forgetting" to reply to be spiteful. If you were so busy, you would need more than 2 weeks to organise your family.

americandream · 17/03/2019 22:05

I don't think it's too far in advance at all. Surely if you currently have no plans for anything important in the first week in June, the chances are high that nothing important will come up. If you had a holiday planned or a wedding to go to, or a 40th birthday party in a hall with a buffet and disco or something, this kind of thing would have been arranged a long time ago.

What on earth could come up now, just 11-12 weeks before the 8th of June? Just rsvp 'yes' and put it in your diary or online calendar. I really cannot see the problem. How on earth do you cope when you go to the dentist, and they ask you to book your next appointment for 6 months time? and other stuff like that... ?

I would much rather have 3 months notice than just a week or 2. If it was very short notice, the chances are high that I would already have plans.

Re, this...

"I work weekends some weekends so when it’s far ahead I can’t commit to more than 6 weeks ahead."

in which case a quick message to the parents - sorry I'm not sure if I'm working that weekend, I'll get back to you when I get my rota on x date - is surely fine? It's really not that big a deal.

This. ^ If you are someone who only gets a rota one month to six weeks in advance, then just tell them you hope to come, but will tell them for sure, in early May, as you don't get your shifts for June til then.

Beckie222 · 17/03/2019 22:05

Absolutely crazy. 3 months for a pre school party!!!
I'm sorry, but a school friend's party is at the bottom of my list of priorities and I hope the same could be said for other families when my kids invites go out.

howabout · 17/03/2019 22:08

thedisorganised you are missing the point. See Beckie's comment.

littlemissblue2000 · 17/03/2019 22:09

My sons birthday is always in half term so we normally have his party the weekend just before they go back to school but always send invites out early as know people go away for half term And we want to know if it's worth having it then or if we need to move it to another date.
This year it's on 1st June and his invites go out tomorrow!

RubaiyatOfAnyone · 17/03/2019 22:14

Threads like this make me a bit sad. I’ve just booked a hall for mid june for DD’s 4th birthday. I had realised that i probably had to wait until 4-3 weeks before to actually send out invitations, even though i’m itching to. It’s the first birthday party we’ve ever done and DD is SO excited by it. I’d hate to think invited children might not come because the timing of my invitations has broken their parents’ private code of ‘presumption’.

SmarmyMrMime · 17/03/2019 22:22

With a month or so, I'll know if there is something major on and can give a quick response, and put it in the calendar to save it. 3 months and I haven't got a clue. Unless it is a best friend, most classmates parties aren't worth disrupting a chunk of the weekend for when something of benefit to the whole family may well crop up in the next couple of months. The invitation is likely to be lost or forgotten before it gets to a sensible time frame to commit to a response with several months notice.

"Sorry relative, I can't come to your fairly short notice wedding with two months notice as I've already commited to a child's party at lunchtime on the Saturday" Sending out the invitations that early is pointless if there are months for people to have changes of circumstances and cancel on you. With one month's notice, I had enough people flip flopping around over things like access weekends with parents.

PersonaNonGarter · 17/03/2019 22:22

Don’t be sad. No one won’t come because of the timing of the invites. They won’t come if they have other stuff on. That’s life.

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 17/03/2019 22:27

I’m with you, OP. I definitely don’t want to have to plan my weekends around children’s birthday parties - especially if my child isn’t that close to the birthday child. When it’s a best friend it’s a bit different, but I still wouldn’t expect an invitation more than six weeks in advance.

Terribly advanced invitations make me feel a bit “cornered”.

PenelopeFlintstone · 17/03/2019 22:30

"forgetting" to reply to be spiteful
Yep, I think it is too.

americandream · 17/03/2019 23:26

Terribly advanced invitations make me feel a bit “cornered.”

FGS just say 'no' then if it's such a stressful challenge to accept an invitation to something that is more than 4 weeks into the future.

Seriously, how do people cope with life?!

americandream · 17/03/2019 23:27

And 3 months into the future is 'terribly advanced?!' I've heard it all now

It's not like someone is trying to tie you down to something in Spring 2024!

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 17/03/2019 23:33

I think two things:
a) Parents want their PFB's birthday/party to be amazing for them, esp when they're still very young; so this is what is going on here.
b) My DD is a winter baby. Everyone ALWAYS accepted every party invitation, regardless of whether their kid liked her or not because 2 hours of not having to provide childcare in winter when it's dark, cold and mank outside is a good offer!
My DN is August born. He frequently got minimal attendance at his b.day parties (despite being lovely and reasonably popular) because everyone was away.
Possibly the June baby's parents are worrying about this. You say your child is pre-school, so lots of parents can presumably still take advantage of holidays not in term time being cheaper? I wonder if that's it?

thedisorganisedmum · 18/03/2019 06:57

howabout
no, you are completely missing the point, see americandream dream.

thedisorganisedmum · 18/03/2019 06:58

*post

Not dream
obviously

thedisorganisedmum · 18/03/2019 06:59

I definitely don’t want to have to plan my weekends around children’s birthday parties
Great, no one said you had to, just reply "no" when you get the invitation, and life goes on!

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