Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

By not wanting my partner poking me for sex at 4am!

69 replies

Applecrumble79 · 14/03/2019 22:39

My partner regularly wakes me up for sex at stupid hours. We have mis matched sex drives however I meet him half way . I enjoy sex with him but sometimes I’m just so tired. I work in excess of 40 hrs a week and don’t always appreciate being poked in the early hours. I have important meetings and need to be alert. When I’m woken after 4am I often don’t fall back to sleep then I’m exhausted the following day! I allow it sometimes to keep the peace but he thinks it’s ok to do it whenever. We have sex at other times but wonder if I’m being unreasonable not wanting my sleep disturbed. Is this what everyone else is doing?!

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 14/03/2019 22:40

You don’t want it? So don’t “allow it sometimes.” Make it crystal clear that it’s not something you find acceptable and if he doesn’t stop? He can sleep elsewhere. Confused

Notcontent · 14/03/2019 22:42

4 am? Just no... maybe when I was 20....

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 14/03/2019 22:44

I'd go mad at dh if he dared wake me up in the middle of the night for anything less than the house on fire or an ill child!

53rdWay · 14/03/2019 22:44

I don’t want to be woken at 4am for anything less than the house being on fire. YANBU.

Hillaria · 14/03/2019 22:44

No, we are not doing. Though if DP poked me at 4 AM, I'd be delighted. He would be happy with once a week, though I'd be happy with several times a day Confused. I try not to pester him, though, and wouldn't pester him in his sleep as that would seem a bit intrusive.

wishywashy6 · 14/03/2019 22:45

What wolfie said.

It's usually me waking my BF for it if anything but only ever when he's first dozed off or if I wake a bit before the alarm.... no way would I get a response from him at 4am so I wouldn't even try! Regardless of whether other people are doing it though, if you don't want to then make that clear to him and say no.

53rdWay · 14/03/2019 22:45

Also if you’re ‘allowing’ sex to keep the peace you’ve got bigger relationship problems with him than just this.

RLOU30 · 14/03/2019 22:45

Fucking no chance. Especially after having A DC wake you up at all hours. If my partner done this he would be on the floor.

Hubblebubbletripletrouble · 14/03/2019 22:46

What or who has made you think your wants are less than his?

ceirrno · 14/03/2019 22:46

Damn I wish my partner would do that... But at the same time, if he knew I didn't want him to then it would be unreasonable

RaspberryKisses · 14/03/2019 22:46

Are you hell being unreasonable! I wouldn't like to be woke up in that manner at any time, nvm at 4am! I think hes being a bit if a selfish tw#t!

If you don't want this i do think you need to have a conversation he seems very focused on (his needs) rather than yours OP, and is not considering the impact on you, him selfishly waking you up at that time!

Mari50 · 14/03/2019 22:47

I don’t even like being ‘poked for sex’ at 7am, if my DP was harassing me at that time I’d be sleeping in the spare room every night.

Original poster
Applecrumble79 · 14/03/2019 22:47

Thanks for responses. Wanted to get a snapshot of what society does!! Seems I need to put my foot down

OP posts:
oneforthepain · 14/03/2019 22:47

No, it is not what everyone else is doing.

Also if you’re ‘allowing’ sex to keep the peace you’ve got bigger relationship problems with him than just this.

Yup.

BlessYourCottonSocks · 14/03/2019 22:48

Frankly, I wouldn't want Chris Hemsworth waking me for sex at 4.00am -never mind DP!

reallybadidea · 14/03/2019 22:48

DH tried this once. Just once mind. I can't think of much worse actually. It would drive me mad. Tell him to go and have a wank in the bathroom if he's that desperate.

Holidayshopping · 14/03/2019 22:49

I remember a comedian (possibly Michael Macintyre?) saying that the only acceptable reasons for a woman to be woken in the night are if it’s snowing or a celebrity has died.

VelvetPineapple · 14/03/2019 22:50

I’d be furious if anyone woke me up at 4am for any reason except an emergency. If DH woke me for sex he’d be very very sorry. How selfish can you get! Ruining someone’s sleep and making them tired all day because YOU fancy a shag! Does his selfishness and thoughtlessness extend into other areas of your lives too?

Eatmycheese · 14/03/2019 22:50

You allow it?
You do it to keep the peace
He wakes you up all hours of the day and night to get his end away?

No you are most definitely not the one being unreasonable

Original poster
Applecrumble79 · 14/03/2019 22:53

@ velvetpineapple. He has a high sex drive and sulks when I’m not in the mood. He can be selfish sometimes but is also equally as kind. Just fed up of the constant demands for sex. He moans when he gets it’s sometimes 4 times a week eye rolls

OP posts:
QueenofallIsee · 14/03/2019 22:57

Dp and I have high sex drives and are well matched. He sometimes wakes me up for a tumble but we both love that, don’t struggle to get back to sleep and he would never sulk if I said no! If he did, he would not be my DP as I would find that coercive and a form of emotional blackmail

coffeeismyspinach · 14/03/2019 22:57

This man is still sharing your bed why? He's a sex pest. He would no longer be sleeping in the same bed as me or the same room and if he kept it up, in the same house.

VelvetPineapple · 14/03/2019 23:00

He has a high sex drive and sulks when I’m not in the mood

Let him sulk then? Solves your problem as he’ll leave you alone! Are you sure he’s actually a grown up as the adults I know don’t sulk like babies?

Mixedbags · 14/03/2019 23:01

Everyone is different, unless it’s the first few years of a relationship and or you are teenagers I would not want to be woken up at that time

burritofan · 14/03/2019 23:01

It doesn't matter what society does. Even if you had 1,000 responses saying "I love being woken up for sex!" you're allowed to hate it.

I for one would murder my DP if he did this. My sex drive is higher than his but if I'm asleep, I'm asleep. He doesn't get to decide for me that I don't need to be asleep. It's rude and selfish.