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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left DS asleep in the car?

268 replies

HelenLaBloodyAnnoyed · 14/03/2019 22:30

Today I took DS (14 months) swimming. The pool is only a two min drive from school so I thought he'd make it and then could nap after but the poor little thing was absolutely exhausted and snoring by the time I arrived at school. I parked in the school car park and waited until I saw children from my DDs class leaving, then sprinted to get her leaving DS in the car. The car was out of my sight for less than 30 seconds. WIBU?

OP posts:
Yabbers · 15/03/2019 11:00

@Eatmycheese.
Is about risk assessment. What exactly do you think the risks are and what are the probabilities?

A bit overkill on the “hoardes” there but if you walk round our way you will often see babies asleep in cars on driveways. I also see at least half a dozen cars in the school car park with younger siblings left in them. Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t regularly happening. And there isn’t a massive epidemic of whatever it is you are so afraid of.

tinysnickersaremyfavourite · 15/03/2019 11:06

Actually, and this is honestly true. My sister in law left her baby in the car asleep to run into the shop. Only she left the keys in the car and the car automatically locked itself. She had to call the fire service to break into the car. Oops.

afrikat · 15/03/2019 11:10

Personally no, I would never do it. I've read recently of cars being stolen from driveways with babies asleep in them, I just couldn't risk it no matter how annoying it is to wake them up

Yabbers · 15/03/2019 11:22

@tinysnickersaremyfavourite

My best friend did this in her own driveway. Went to unlock the front door before she took her DS out of the car because it was chucking it down. Locked the keys in the car. She called her husband who told her to smash the window but she didn't think that was necessary so she called the police as she was sure they'd be able to get into the car. They came and smashed the window 😆

userinfinity · 15/03/2019 11:29

Just yesterday, there was an accident outside my childrens school where a car lost control and hit the pavement, two school children were injured, fortunately injuries weren’t very serious but it’s shocked a lot of us. I keep thinking just what if, my girls were walking up at that time as they normally do or what if, I had left my son in the car, as I have done on rare occasions, to meet my girls walking up and my car has been hit.

youknowmedontyou · 15/03/2019 11:35

@Eatmycheese do you walk backwards to the petrol station pat kiosk NEVER taking your eyes off the car? You never while you're there go pick up a pint of milk? What would you do if you have four DC, take them all?

Anything could happen....OP could then say ... sorry left DS in car, let me just grab him?

OP, you're fine, ridiculous drama over nothing!

youknowmedontyou · 15/03/2019 11:37

@LaBelleSauvage you're awesome!! 😎 love it!!

Jinglejanglefish · 15/03/2019 11:38

userinfinity

Sorry but I don't understand your logic there. Your son still would've been far safer in the car, even if it had been hit, than if he had been waking along the pavement with you and you'd both been hit by the car.

youknowmedontyou · 15/03/2019 11:39

@afrikat where did that happen?

Drogosnextwife · 15/03/2019 11:43

youknowmedontyou

That did actually happen last year but the mother was at the car with the child and they fought her off to steal the car, then dropped the baby off at a health center so the child was not left alone in the car. I don't see anything wrong with what you did op. I wouldn't worry about the TA.

youknowmedontyou · 15/03/2019 11:46

@Drogosnextwife I know of that case it the plural of hearing cars being stolen as in it happens a lot....

Drogosnextwife · 15/03/2019 11:48

Exactly it's irrelevant to this post because the mother was at the car with her child and she still couldn't stop them.

PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin · 15/03/2019 11:48

I’ve never done it but I do leave my children in the car if I need to pay for petrol and that is sometimes for far longer.

Limensoda · 15/03/2019 11:53

From how you describe it, it seems reasonable. However, if you do it a few times without incident, it's easier to get complacent and risk a bit longer and more often which will increase the chances of something going wrong.
As they say, 'it only takes a second' but I think there's also a point that we sometimes panic too much.

teyem · 15/03/2019 11:57

you walk backwards to the petrol station pat kiosk NEVER taking your eyes off the car?

🤣🤣🤣

youknowmedontyou · 15/03/2019 11:58

From how you describe it, it seems reasonable. However, if you do it a few times without incident, it's easier to get complacent and risk a bit longer and more often which will increase the chances of something going wrong.

But this would only be in the situation where DS was asleep, he will get older, not sleep, be in nursery etc so it's just not going to become an issue.

DollyTots · 15/03/2019 12:03

I don't do it personally but then my toddler hasn't been asleep in the car for me to be faced with the option.

Admittedly I thought I'd never judge but then at nursery pick up yesterday I'm putting my DD back in the car & I can hear a baby screaming at the top of its lungs. I look around and it's coming from a car, no one else in there & the window wound right down. The gales here are horrendous, so no wonder the child wasn't very impressed at being left.

It made me wonder should I check, which I didn't in the end. Another lady looked at me and said we'd be in the wrong for doing so. Seeing as most here seem to think nothing could possibly happen, then I guess I don't have to feel obliged to be responsible for another person's child.

Limensoda · 15/03/2019 12:03

But this would only be in the situation where DS was asleep, he will get older, not sleep, be in nursery etc so it's just not going to become an issue

Probably, but my grandson would fall asleep in the car even at 4 years old and be incredibly agitated agitated if you woke him up.
You don't know how many times this may happen between now and nursery etc. I don't t think it's a big issue from what OP said but just made a comment about being aware of how it could develop.

Oakenbeach · 15/03/2019 12:12

Eatmycheese

The anxiety caused by excessive worry over minute risks is a bigger risk in the grand scheme of things. A parent who can sensibly risk assess and not fret over every remotely possible catastrophe is likely to be far happier and healthier mentally.

This over-anxiety that some have over the most mundane of things is the mental equivalent of allergies.... when a mind’s defense mechanisms over-react and actually pose more of a threat to health and well-being than the threat itself!

CheshireChat · 15/03/2019 12:32

Alongside with really early bedtimes, it's very much British behaviour to not leave kids on their own until quite old.

There's no one size fits all with this

Limensoda · 15/03/2019 12:59

This over-anxiety that some have over the most mundane of things is the mental equivalent of allergies.... when a mind’s defense mechanisms over-react and actually pose more of a threat to health and well-being than the threat itself!

This issue so true.
There are two people close to me, who are like this. It doesn't just affect them, it adversely affects their children and partners.

Limensoda · 15/03/2019 12:59

Is, not issue!

Oakenbeach · 15/03/2019 13:27

There are two people close to me, who are like this. It doesn't just affect them, it adversely affects their children and partners.

I know a few too (my DM being one, though she’s not as bad as some people I know) and there are clearly quite a number on MN based on the posts!

Original poster
HelenLaBloodyAnnoyed · 15/03/2019 14:29

How was the garden incident irresponsible Schyuler? What could have happened?

OP posts:
rainbowunicorn · 15/03/2019 14:36

To all those saying but the car could have been hit in the carpark. Surely there is just as much chance of a pedestrian being hit by a car while walking through a car par. Possible more chance as a car is bigger and more visible that your average person. Even if the car was hit it is likely to be at fairly slow speeds and would have a much better outcome for all concerned that a person being hit at the same speed.

What about the change of tripping up and falling with the baby in your arms. Surely that would have a higher chance of happening and causing injury than any of the other crazy scenarios that the mumsnet loonies love to dream up.

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