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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so jealous :(

98 replies

MotherOfDragons90 · 14/03/2019 18:03

I won’t go into the circumstances as outstanding but my best friend and her husband have come into some money. Around £50K.

Before this, we were both on similar pages financially. We had managed to buy houses and have okay jobs but by no means could live a life of luxury. Now they are talking about house extensions and her going part time at work to have children and all these things that I would kill for DP and I to be able to think about and I’m just so jealous. Our DPs earn similar and so do we but before these things just weren’t feasible. I feel like such a horrible person Sad But whenever they tell us their plans to renovate something or get a fab new car I just can’t help but feel so low that we can’t be doing the same. We work so hard but everything is so expensive, including our mortgage on a fairly small house (in the south) that I don’t think these thjnfs will ever be on the cards for us. I love her to pieces but am struggling with these awful feelings of jealousy towards them.

Please please please can someone tell me that I’m being an idiot and share their stories about how they got over situations like this?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 14/03/2019 18:07

That 50k really won't go very far. Being jealous is such a waste of energy, and seeing as though they are friends, I would think you'd be happy for them.

chillpizza · 14/03/2019 18:10

50k will do the extension it won’t allow for part time work unless she was only working to be able to pay for an extension.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/03/2019 18:10

You can’t help how you feel OP. Tbh as lovely as your friend might be in her shoes I wouldn’t be telling anyone about what I had planned with my 50k. It wouldn’t sit right.

Try and look at what you have though. I know it doesn’t really help with how you feel but there’s little you can do otherwise.

Chin up Wine

BastardGoDarkly · 14/03/2019 18:11

That 50k wont go far

It's true, it really won't.

Our in laws got left 40k. It went just like that.

Just nod and smile and try and forget it.

7salmonswimming · 14/03/2019 18:13

50k isn’t going to get them very far in the South. I think they’re enjoying the windfall but when reality sets in and it comes to spending it, expenses will be much more modest. It certainly won’t go far towards enabling part time work.

I do think it’s in poor taste to talk about money, and this is one of the reasons why. Nothing good ever comes of it.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 14/03/2019 18:13

50k won't pay for a jealousy worthy extension and for someone to be a SAHM long or even medium term unless she earns next to nothing, even at NMW it would cover her income for around two and a half years and that's if they spend nothing on anything else. They're just dreaming about what they could do. I'm assuming to come into the money someone has probably died, that's not something to envy. If they're good friends try and put this side you say they are good people so feel pleased for them that a loss will lead to them having something nice.

ScrumptiousBears · 14/03/2019 18:14

I know how you feel OP. Sometimes I feel I work so hard and save all I can for others to have fortune fall in their lap.

I agree £50k will not go far but I suppose they are enjoying dreaming. Once they find the realise coat of an extension or children they will realise.

Luglio · 14/03/2019 18:15

50k will be gone in a flash. 500k you might have a point.

Sausage666 · 14/03/2019 18:16

As previous posters said, don't need to get too jealous. For the £50k they might be able to get the extension but I'd say beyond that their situation won't change much. To be fair it might actually make them worse off in the long term as your friend goes part time & you don't get that much on mat leave.

Heratnumber7 · 14/03/2019 18:16

Another post to day £50k isn't all that much. It would pay for an extension, but not enough to give up work. It's only 2 years salary for someone on £25k pa.

KaleidoscopeEyes · 14/03/2019 18:17

Hey we all know we shouldn't be envious of our friends and be happy for them etc... But sometimes you can't help it creeping in! I have a rich friend who married money and I have to hide her on FB because she's always jetsetting somewhere and I can barely afford the bus fare to Asda Wink

Rspu3 · 14/03/2019 18:21

Natural to be jealous but remember money doesn’t really make you happy.
My cousins dad ( my dads brother) is a milllionaire very well off and my aunt has her own clothes shop. She turns up with new Rolexes and a nice bmw she had for her birthday, I used to be very jealous but underneath it all she’s mentally unstable, depressed and lonely and has cried a few times to me that her parents don’t care about her. Odviously wouldn’t want anyone to feel
Like that but it really showed me she might seem to have it “all” but really she’s deeply unhappy even with her new expensive watches and designer shoes.

Ribbonsonabox · 14/03/2019 18:29

50k?!? I agree with pp 500k and you might have a point about being jealous, but 50k will be gone in a couple of years if that!
And I'm not saying this as some sort of fabulously wealthy person. Me and DH only earn 40k total! But 50k although it would be lovely to get obviously, is a mere drop in the ocean.. especially if you need work doing on your house!
Her life really wont change that much... it's a nice thing to happen to her but it's not life changing, dont ruin your friendship over it as that is genuinely worth more long term!
Try and think about how important the friendship is to you when you feel jealous about the money. It's not like you are on the streets... you e got your own home even if the mortgage payments are high it's still yours... that's more than many people have...
When I get a bit wistful about being wealthy my husband always points out that actually compared to the majority of people round the world we are doing incredibly well... we are happily married, have wonderful children, have enough food and a roof over our heads, we've got a car, we go on holiday.... comparison is the thief of joy... dont waste your time feeling negatively towards a friend

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 14/03/2019 18:31

They're foolish shortening their work hours. As pp says 50k isn't going yo go very far, by the time they've got extensions built ect. Not even a million is what it used to be. Yes it'll make them very happy for a long or short time depending on if they're careful or like a man with no arms, but It won't set them up for life.

americandream · 14/03/2019 18:33

Agree. £50K is a nice tidy sum to come into, but is not enough 'go part time' on! Confused

Your friends are deluded!

DuggeesWoggle · 14/03/2019 18:33

I really used to struggle with feelings of jealousy. It is the tritest thing ever to say but what helped me get over it was to count my blessings. Literally go through my life, bit by bit and find things to be grateful for. I wrote them down. From having 4 functioning limbs, 5 functioning senses and a roof over my head, to my family (at that time I didn't have a DH or DS which was the root of my jealousy), a job (however crap), spare cash in my pocket (however little). When you see it all laid out on paper you start to realise how much you have and how little it matters what others have.

They will have their own battles and struggles. If not now then in the past or in years to come. She's your best friend. If you had come into the money then I'm sure you would want her to be happy for you.

Jealousy is such a destructive emotion, it will rob you of your joy and destroy your friendship if you allow it to take hold.

Gruffin · 14/03/2019 18:37

Easy come, easy gone..

EeeSheWasThin · 14/03/2019 18:39

I know someone who won £100k on the lottery...once they’d paid off their debts (not including mortgage), bought a second hand car and been on one not very luxurious holiday it was gone. I did hear they were back in debt about a year later.

Don’t eat yourself up...yes it would be lovely but it’s not going to change their lives as much as they hope.

SD1978 · 14/03/2019 18:40

I agree with everyone. When you have nothing it sounds like a lot- but really- what is it going to get them? And extension- at least £20k and that's not a huge one. So £30k left. New car- 10-15k? And now you have 15k left. Part time- that's gone in 2 years. So they still have the same mortgage, and a need to go back to FT to sustain them. Personally I'd drop 40 on the mortgage, and have the 10 as savings, or paying off any debts. With their plans it will be entirely gone in three years, Max. I'd also though be pleased for my friends they had the opportunity to do something. I have friends I have a huge wage disparity with. Ok- not going to lie every so often there is a small(tiny) twinge of I wish it was me, but they are lovely and I love them and wish them all the best

AudTheDeepMinded · 14/03/2019 18:43

I think they have been foolish to tell anyone about their windfall. I received an inheritance many years ago that enabled us to now be mortgage free but only my mother knows this. It's no-one else's business.

Flowersintheatticconversion · 14/03/2019 18:45

50k is life changing for a year or 2.
Not for the rest of your life.
Don’t be jealous. I agree, your friends are deluded

Iloveacurry · 14/03/2019 18:46

50k might get them an extension, but not much else. Not enough to reduce work hours.

AyoadesChinDimple · 14/03/2019 18:47

Are you jealous of the money or of them being able to ttc sooner than you? If it's the latter then try and work out how you get to a point where you can afford to ttc and it will make you feel more in control and less bothered about what they have.

CaMePlaitPas · 14/03/2019 18:47

50K and she wants to stop working? Hmm

I think it's a bit out of order for her to be sharing this info with you to be honest. Maybe step back a little until this windfall has blown over.

SurgeHopper · 14/03/2019 18:49

Depends what the part time job is of course.

A mere mortal kinda gig and she's having a giraffe

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