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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so jealous :(

98 replies

MotherOfDragons90 · 14/03/2019 18:03

I won’t go into the circumstances as outstanding but my best friend and her husband have come into some money. Around £50K.

Before this, we were both on similar pages financially. We had managed to buy houses and have okay jobs but by no means could live a life of luxury. Now they are talking about house extensions and her going part time at work to have children and all these things that I would kill for DP and I to be able to think about and I’m just so jealous. Our DPs earn similar and so do we but before these things just weren’t feasible. I feel like such a horrible person Sad But whenever they tell us their plans to renovate something or get a fab new car I just can’t help but feel so low that we can’t be doing the same. We work so hard but everything is so expensive, including our mortgage on a fairly small house (in the south) that I don’t think these thjnfs will ever be on the cards for us. I love her to pieces but am struggling with these awful feelings of jealousy towards them.

Please please please can someone tell me that I’m being an idiot and share their stories about how they got over situations like this?

OP posts:
formerbabe · 14/03/2019 18:50

£50k isn't that much...once they've spent on a new car and extension, I doubt there will be heaps left... certainly not life changing money, though it would be pretty handy.

MissConductUS · 14/03/2019 18:51

We recently had a larger windfall, paid off our small mortgage and banked the rest for the kids. And told no one. It won't change our lives a bit and it won't change hers either.

She was also a bit inconsiderate of her to tell you.

Raspberry10 · 14/03/2019 18:52

You don’t do all of that on 50k. I don’t think any of you realise it’s basically an extension. Or alternatively a car and a year part time. It’ll be gone before they know it.

Mummyshark2018 · 14/03/2019 18:52

50k is a lovely amount to get but not life changing. 50k also don't go that far in terms of extension. We're in the south and getting an extension and it's costing us 80k for a modest 6X6m extension.
It's normal to feel a bit 'I wish I had that' but not worth a thought after that imo.

Chloemol · 14/03/2019 18:56

Let’s be honest £50 k won’t go far, they could extend but bet it costs most of that money. She could go part tome but for how long before the money has gone? No point being jealous give it two years sand they maybe back as now

Knittedfairies · 14/03/2019 18:56

They'd need a few more zeros on the end of that figure to be living the life of Riley for longer than a couple of years. I think they're deluded too.

You're not a horrible person OP, just human.

RomanyQueen1 · 14/03/2019 18:57

50k won't go far, money is nothing, friendship is more important. but living in a society where greed is so high, and frugality so low, so many people are jealous, it's so sad, they can't just be happy for what they have, always wanting more.

ShinyRuby · 14/03/2019 18:58

It's only natural to be a bit jealous but 50k will only buy the extension, a holiday & a nice car. After that there won't be much left! Life doesn't sound too bad OP, you have a job, own a home & have a loving DP. Good things will come to you as well.

CottonSock · 14/03/2019 18:59

50k is not life changing. But I know how you feel. My sis just got herself a beautiful 7 bed house and I'm green!

Babygrey7 · 14/03/2019 18:59

They are slightly lacking in sensitivity by talking about it all the time (rubbing ot in)

Tbh, anyone who talks about money a lot (that includes extension s and how much they cost, cars and how much they cost, holidays and how much they cost)

50k. Is a lot, but not enough to do ALL that they are talking about now!

Jsmith99 · 14/03/2019 19:00

I agree with those who point out that £50k is a nice windfall, but it really isn’t even close to being a life changing sum.

Envy is both a destructive, negative emotion and a complete waste of time and energy. No amount of envy will change anything, other than ruining your friendship if you let it. Be a grown up, congratulate her on her good fortune, and count your own blessings. That is not intended to sound trite. You are in a fortunate position in comparison with many millions of other people who will never be able to afford to buy their own homes.

Foreverexhausted · 14/03/2019 19:01

Im another also wanting to say £50k really won't go far or last long. An extension will swallow a lot or possibly all of that especially if they have to pay tradesman to do all or most of the work and it won't allow her to go part time for long. When you don't have a lot of money £50k sounds like a life changing amount but it really isn't.

mimibunz · 14/03/2019 19:03

I agree with others that 50k won’t get them much. You own your feelings and that shows great self awareness! But their plans seem to indicate that they don’t understand how much they can get for 50k! Bit of financial naievety and understandable excitement.

SausageAndEgg · 14/03/2019 19:04

Their plans sound really unrealistic for 50k tbh. I wouldn’t be jealous. They’ll soon realise it doesn’t go as far as they think. Plus I’d they take time off work you’ll soon be on the same page again

RomanyQueen1 · 14/03/2019 19:06

I don't understand why you feel the need to keep up with friends, and if she was your best friend you'd be happy for her.
People saying it's normal, might be the same and jealous of others, It's not my normal I'm happy with who I am and who my friends are.
Some are rich, some are poor, some have careers some don't.
I really don't care as long as they are nice and good friends.

Boister · 14/03/2019 19:06

Bloodyhell 50K or 500K.

She must be putting an extension on a Playmobil house if she thinks shes reducing her work hours as well.

Iamblossom · 14/03/2019 19:07

It is a very nice windfall but agree with all previous posters it won't fund going part time/extension/new car

PerspicaciaTick · 14/03/2019 19:07

£50k is enough to have small extension OR buy a fab new car OR reduce your working hours for a few years. It isn't enough to do all these things. It isn't enough to shift them into a different lifestyle from yourselves. They are excited, it will wear off, if you love them as friends bear with them and it will pass.

sansou · 14/03/2019 19:11

It's completely normal to be a tad jealous - you're only human! It's also ok to vent here to get it out of your system. Return to your friend and be happy for her - it's ok to be slightly envious - who wouldn't like a free windfall of £50K? It's equivalent to £72,500K!

sansou · 14/03/2019 19:12

£72.5K gross

ToeToToe · 14/03/2019 19:14

Sounds like they've spent it, in their minds, several times over already OP.

You can't do all those things, and go part time on £50K in the south, unless it's a very small car, a v small extension etc...

winterisstillcoming · 14/03/2019 19:15

She's obviously spent it a good few times over in her head. Don't begrudge her a little crazy moment where she can escape the reality of bills and full time work. She will soon come back down to earth and your friendship will hopefully carry on. Of course you are allowed to feel jealous, your circumstances may justify that, and as you are in similar positions, it's difficult not to compare yourself to her and come up 50K short. That's understandable. Just act happy for her even if you don't feel it or give her a little bit of a wide berth and it will pass. Good luck.

Solo · 14/03/2019 19:16

Don't waste your energy on jealousy OP.

I have a friend who lives in a £2m+ house with land, pool, games courts, cars and more and she has never had to work but, in the 40+ years I've known her (and her Dh for nearly that time), I have never felt jealous. The only thing I envy her for is that she found a good man to spend her life with. If you have a good man to spend your life with, you have everything imho.

user1480880826 · 14/03/2019 19:17

They’re being very optimistic about how far £50k will go. Extension, new car, working part time? I think they’re going to quickly realise they can’t do all of those things.

I’m not trying to say £50k isn’t a lot of money. It definitely is but it’s not life changing so I don’t think you have anything to be jealous about. It will soon be spent and forgotten about.

IncrediblySadToo · 14/03/2019 19:19

She’s still at the stage of spending it many times over! As most people have said, it’s very nice to have, but really won’t go far. I’m in the SE, £50k would get you a modest single story extension or a very small double, maybe. OR some time as a SAHM, the length will depend on your lifestyle.

You can be pleased for others but still think it’s natural to think it would be nice to have some money too! You’re only human.

My close friends & I would all discuss stuff like this.