Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so jealous :(

98 replies

MotherOfDragons90 · 14/03/2019 18:03

I won’t go into the circumstances as outstanding but my best friend and her husband have come into some money. Around £50K.

Before this, we were both on similar pages financially. We had managed to buy houses and have okay jobs but by no means could live a life of luxury. Now they are talking about house extensions and her going part time at work to have children and all these things that I would kill for DP and I to be able to think about and I’m just so jealous. Our DPs earn similar and so do we but before these things just weren’t feasible. I feel like such a horrible person Sad But whenever they tell us their plans to renovate something or get a fab new car I just can’t help but feel so low that we can’t be doing the same. We work so hard but everything is so expensive, including our mortgage on a fairly small house (in the south) that I don’t think these thjnfs will ever be on the cards for us. I love her to pieces but am struggling with these awful feelings of jealousy towards them.

Please please please can someone tell me that I’m being an idiot and share their stories about how they got over situations like this?

OP posts:
neveradullmoment99 · 14/03/2019 19:20

I agree with other posters who are saying that it is a bit much sharing that info. I came into money years ago [ a surprise inheritance] of about the same amount and told no one. I just used it to do up my house, invested it and then used it when I had my dd and on mat leave. It goes. I think she is doing it deliberately to make you envy her.

SeenYourArse · 14/03/2019 19:22

Would hate to use some of the mumsnetters builders! We are totally taking the back wall of the house out and extending out 5 metres by the full width of the house to make a 50square metre kitchen diner with island and settee seating area too for around £30k! Including bi folding doors out into the garden, £50k could double the downstairs of my house 🤷‍♀️

FullOfJellyBeans · 14/03/2019 19:23

I think it's fine to tell a close friend you've come into money but I wouldn't constantly go on about it. I also think they're being a bit optimistic on what they can afford for 50k, extensions, and cars and working part time? They won't be able to afford all of those.

Miljah · 14/03/2019 19:24

Jealousy is the thief of joy.

Don't compare yourselves to them. Nothing good can come of that, and I speak as a person who had to battle jealousy regarding a friend who 'married well', (DH in 'finance').

I look at them now, and us, and, frankly, they're really no 'better off'.

But I admit I still get a flash of anger that the better off can advantage their children over ours simply due to cash, given a rough measure gives a private child a one grade point advantage in national exams over a state child. (And sell it as 'Oh no, it's for the sport/music/art we send them to St Loadsacash's!' Sure.). Different thread, though.

In the big picture, £50k isn't much.

Whisky2014 · 14/03/2019 19:24

50k? Itll be gone before the year is out!

ResistanceIsNecessary · 14/03/2019 19:24

YANBU to feel jealous - and it's to your credit that you're obviously tryint to find a way to get past it because she's your friend and you love her.

I agree with PP though. I suspect that they are caught up in the excitement of having a decent lump of money. Once the novelty wears off and they start looking at the cost of things, they'll probably come down to earth a wee bit. The cost per square metre of an extension averages out at around £1,500 - and that's just for building it, not kitting it out with furniture etc!

NannyRed · 14/03/2019 19:27

As pp have said £50k isn’t a life changing amount.

Would you be envious if your friend had taken out a loan for her extension or taken on a second job?

Just be happy for her if you’re really a friend.

Lovewinemorethanhusband · 14/03/2019 19:27

It sucks when your jealous over what friends have but sometimes you just can't help it, 50k won't go far an extension will swallow loads of that and then if they want a new car as well then that's all gone !

QueenEhlana · 14/03/2019 19:29

With all those plans and only 50K, they will soon end up in a worse position than they were in before....

thedisorganisedmum · 14/03/2019 19:29

they are excited, who can blame them. if they make such a big thing out of 50k, they are obviously not used to any money at all.

they can either do their extension or she can go part-time, no way can they do both. You know that, let them feel a bit cheerful about it, it won't last.

madeyemoodysmum · 14/03/2019 19:32

50k is nothing. Nice to have yes but it won’t change your life forever. If they are planning spends like this I wager it will be gone in a few year.

cuppycakey · 14/03/2019 19:32

Did you mean £500k?

No way will £50k pay for.... Now they are talking about house extensions and her going part time at work to have children and all these things plus new car etc Confused

Drum2018 · 14/03/2019 19:32

I'd laugh it off. They haven't a hope of building an extension, buying a car and her cutting back on work with that amount.

Mrsmadevans · 14/03/2019 19:33

50k ....they won't get much of an extension for that and as for working P/T and holidays and fast new car. I am wondering if at best your Friend is insensitive and at worst a boast. For a start they have to go through all the work and they may get a useless firm to do the extension which will cause them more money and worry and hassle. Not worth you jealousy OP .

excitedtobehere · 14/03/2019 19:34

Are you sure it is 50k snd not 500k? That's a lot of expensive plans for 50k. Confused

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 14/03/2019 19:38

Think @MotherOfDragons90 is going to come back and say she meant £500k - doesn't make any sense else

gamerchick · 14/03/2019 19:38

Ah OP just let them enjoy their thoughts. It'll be back to normal soon enough.

Hollowvictory · 14/03/2019 19:44

£50k goes nowhere honestly. It's not millions. I doubt they will have a lifestyle transformation it sounds like they think its worth many times more than it is. Bite your tongue or stop hanging out with them till they see sense and realise you can't get a car, a house extension and go part time with £50k!

Kintan · 14/03/2019 19:44

Have you left a zero off OP? £50k is a lovely amount but not life changing- unless they have debts and so they couldn’t afford to ttc or work part time as they had a lot of debt to payoff which is now gone?

Holidayshopping · 14/03/2019 19:46

How much does she earn that £50k will pay for an extension, going part time at work and having a fab new car?

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 14/03/2019 19:46

Decent new car and a holiday - it will all be gone!

Mumof1andacat · 14/03/2019 19:48

Is this an inheritance? If so someone has died. It could be someone close to them. An inheritance doesn't feel good when you miss someone you love.

Shookethtothecore · 14/03/2019 19:51

Have you left a 0 off? 50k won’t get you very far at all nowadays

Lovemusic33 · 14/03/2019 19:56

I don’t think 50k is enough to work part time. 50k doesn’t get much these days, by the time they build an extension, have a holiday and upgrade the car it will be gone. Not worth being jealous, I don’t have any money but I’m happy 😃

laraitopbanana · 14/03/2019 19:57

Don't blame yourself too much. You can't help your feelings but you can not act on them though.

imagine the opposite and you were the one with some money...what would you want her to do and react?