To be so jealous :(

[MotherOfDragons90]

I won’t go into the circumstances as outstanding but my best friend and her husband have come into some money. Around £50K.

Before this, we were both on similar pages financially. We had managed to buy houses and have okay jobs but by no means could live a life of luxury. Now they are talking about house extensions and her going part time at work to have children and all these things that I would kill for DP and I to be able to think about and I’m just so jealous. Our DPs earn similar and so do we but before these things just weren’t feasible. I feel like such a horrible person But whenever they tell us their plans to renovate something or get a fab new car I just can’t help but feel so low that we can’t be doing the same. We work so hard but everything is so expensive, including our mortgage on a fairly small house (in the south) that I don’t think these thjnfs will ever be on the cards for us. I love her to pieces but am struggling with these awful feelings of jealousy towards them.

Please please please can someone tell me that I’m being an idiot and share their stories about how they got over situations like this?

Another one thinking you made a typo when reading all of the plans your friend has.

50k is wonderful for a windfall ( not so much if inheritance as your friend will have experienced a loss ) but there is no way she could do all of those things on 50k unless paying with Monopoly money.

I could slend that by the end of the month easily. Couple of decent holidays booked, a new car, help a few people I know who are struggling, loads of new stuff for the house, a massive shopping trip etc etc and gone.

This is not life changing by any means. It would change a lot for me but wouldn't be enough to sit back and relax for a few years.

Please try and be happy for her. Imagine how she would feel if she knew how you truly felt over this? No doubt very hurt. She is probably really excited and when she does the figures she will realise that all of her plans together are simply not feasible.

I believe that positive thinking goes a long way.

We had some quote on an extension for our 3 bed semi and they were in the region of £50-70k. They're not as rich as they think they are.

Not to sound harsh but your friend is living on another planet if she thinks she’s going to get a house extension AND go working part time on 50k. As much as I wouldn’t turn down 50k it isn’t what I’d consider something worth getting jealous about.

My closest friends are all on very different salaries and points in their careers, one of them is about to buy a very expensive house in a beautiful part of the country, I can’t help but just wish them well. They earn over double what me and my husband do (I went to uni with this friend and have the same degree) I still don’t feel jealous. I might add she also works part time too, we work full time! I think it’s great they are doing so well.

Don’t be jealous.

Let them enjoy it! Good for them

You aren’t jealous you’re slightly envious, which anyone would be. I would! But that 50k won’t stretch far up north where I am let alone down south. Don’t pay it any mind x

50k is nothing in the grand scheme of things. I won 20k 3 years ago and without doing any of the things you mentioned it didn't last long so I wouldn't be getting over excited about it if I were your friends nd certainly not jealous if I was you.

I have to say, I'd find this very galling, and pretty boring as well if the main topic of conversation when I saw them was how they were going to spend their windfall.

I don't think you're BU to get a bit fed up when your nose is being rubbed in your lack of disposable income - which is what it must feel like.

Maybe you could join in by talking about your plans and how long you're expecting it to take to save up for things?

And PPs are right, 50 k will dribble through their fingers in no time, so I guess they might as well enjoy spending it while they still have it.

Agree. £50k won’t last long - the extension will use it all and then you’ll both be in the same boat again (except they’ll have an extension of course!).

Try your hardest not to let the envy spoil your friendship. Envy is very very hard to deal with - and I get it, because envy over the financial ease/rich parents of others can drive you mad temporarily - but it’s always, always worth taking the high road, hiding your feelings from your friends, and trying to count your blessings.

The road is long, remember.

If they’ve won something on premium bonds or similar then how lovely. Not life changing unless you’re a non home owner earning next to nothing but could make life more comfortable. It won’t get you very far though!

If it’s an inheritance then YABVU to be jealous. I inherited from two close relatives and I didn’t want the money at all. It made me feel sick. I got a FA to deal with it and then a couple of years later just bought a bigger house so I wouldn’t have to look at it.

YANBU about the bragging aspect though either way. I didn’t tell friends how much it was I got, in fact the only two people that know I inherited anything were close friends I’d asked for some advice on about whether I should gift part of the money elsewhere and even then I didn’t tell them the amount I was talking about. It does feel a bit meh that they’re talking about it so openly.

I don’t agree that ‘anyone would be envious’. I admit that I do envy people who have talents that I completely lack, eg to be able to draw, paint or sing. I would love to be able to do those things but I can’t.

But envying people who have more money, or nicer cars, or bigger houses or posher clothes than me? Honestly, no. I genuinely don’t.

Competitive consumerism is a completely pointless waste of time, because someone, somewhere will always have more or better stuff than you.

Are you sure it's 50k not 500k ?
I mean you can't really reduce your hours especially if you want a extension. 50k is not life changing it'll pay for a extension that's about it so not sure why your jealous. I'd be happy for them .

If they’re already talking about extensions , new cars and parttime work on 50k I would doubt their financial knowledge . That’s just not enough to do all that . Don’t forget the compulsory holiday . It’ll be gone in a year .

And it’s all only stuff . Your health is the most important gift you have .

possibly OP meant 150K, could go part time on that for a while.

If we spent £50k on our house it would get swallowed so quickly. We dropped £20k doing it up a bit after moving in. An extension is all they'll get out of it - which is great - but new cars and working less hours because of £50k? I'm not sure they've done their sums right.

£50k won't go as far as you are thinking it will.

My sister in law lost her brother who was late thirties, he had left her his house, my sister was so jealous of this, I was ashamed of her.

Put extension on a 3 bed terrace is going to be £70k. So 50 would obv be a great bonus but it's not work getting jealous over. Can't see how it would fund going part time unless you've lost a few zeros.

Our extension cost 3 times that, are you sure she isn't misguided? It would really be tiny if she is using the money to buy other things as well as the extension, too. So just be happy for her - it won't be long before things are back to normal, anyway!

I did mean £50K it wasn’t a typo! But it’s £50K more than we have. I feel like a proper arse for even writing this post now, mainly because I know it such an ugly emotion to feel!

Maybe it won’t go as far as I’m thinking but still there are worse problems to have eh!

Thanks all

£50k won’t go far! It’s not enough to justify going part time. It’s small fry, but lovely small fry. Not life changing.

I thought you were going to say you would like your friend to give you some of that money! ... If I won 50k, I'd give a small amount to some poor friends (well, offer and see what they say, it can be tricky), and I have such friends. I'd never expect though any of them to give me a gift out of such a sum, but if they won millions i'd think perhaps they could have.

You Q about conservatory/extention: ahh what shite. Personally i can't get excited/exercised about extentions. I'd suggest you try to think about these things as trivial. I'd understand your envy if your friend got millions.

"50k won’t go far! It’s not enough to justify going part time."

I, like another poster, am doing an extension for £30k. So that gives them £20k. Which could mean that they, with the savings in childcare, could consider her going part time, for a couple of years. Especially if they'd figured in getting a loan for the extension, when doing their figures.

It's about counting your blessings. Question yourself about being happy with your lot and when it comes to true happiness does all the material stuff make a difference.

It's normal to feel envious especially when your hard up yourself. Some of us get pretty wazzed off with struggling against the financial tide and it can seem so unfair when someone else get a windfall. I can see why your friend wants to talk about it non stop but it can feel like your nose is being runef in it. As other have said.. It won't go far. Just smile and say 'Nice' when she twitters on about her plans and then start talking about something that does interest you. Your a big girl.. Smile and be magnanimous.. You can do it. X