Sat crying in a carpark with massive mum guilt, someone tell me I'm being stupid :(

[Iveprobablybeenunreasonable]

I've just dropped my baby off for his final settling in session at nursery. He is 10 months.
His big brother (3) is at nursery all Day today too.
I'm back at work next week following mat leave and both of them will be in 7.30am till 5pm 4 days a week.
I feel like a bloody terrible person. I cant stop crying. I regret not doing more on my maternity leave. I regret choosing to clean my house some days over cuddling my babies.
I regret the days when I've been so tired I have just shouted all day.
My boys are the most gorgeous lovely little things and the thought of leaving them in nursery all that time is absolutely tearing me apart.
Someone tell me they'll be okay

Just think about what socially well-adjusted little people they will become. My DIL had no choice about this either and my grandchildren are happy, confident individuals (42 and 18 months). Older one will go to school full-time in September and is really looking forward to it - the transition has been well-prepared for by the nursery. He can dress himself, toilet himself, use cutlery, hold a pencil correctly, knows his letters, can count and do simple addition and subtraction: he's polite and kind to others, shares toys and equipment - in short his nursery experience has been nothing but positive for him.

Yes, I'm sure DIL would have preferred to be a SAHM and use the nursery less, but it wasn't a possibility. And the children have benefitted from the additional income.

Don't worry - your kids will be fine

Op don't worry what your feeling is totally normal we all worry about things like this. I think your setting a great example by going to work also you will get adult company and conversation so the days you are of you will be able to enjoy it more it's the best of both worlds really

Our childminder setting is amazing, he picks her up and drops her off, and he and his wife and 2 assistants have the greatest relationship with my daughter. She has a best friend there and talks about her all the time. She's really happy, and very confident and great at making friends. Some kids thrive being with mum or dad at home, others at nursery or a childminders and others with a nanny or grandparent. Don't feel guilty, kids adapt and adjust. I still have the best relationship with my parents, and my dad is military so he was away for months or years at a time. I still felt loved! You'll be fine and so will your children.

It's normal to feel like you've 'missed' the baby days. But they are still so little and you have so much more time with them so make the most of it.
You might find that your time spent together is better quality time now as you wont be so mentally drained.

It’s so refreshing reading an honest post.

A lot of us will feel like this. I’ve realised that I dwell on the past so much that I don’t live in the present.

I was the same at DC2 settling in session, I pushed my double buggy to the coffee shop with eldest as due to various reasons they weren't in the same day. I sobbed the whole way with them asking what was wrong.

I knew I was only having 2 and it was so much worse with the second than the first. Guess I enjoyed my time off even though I wanted to go back to work.

Its nearly 2 years ago now and both love nursery, and I have not regretted my choice.

This is me right now too. DC2 starts Monday, he's 9.5mos. Feeling tearful but also reminding myself its for all our benefit. And thinking about how good it will feel to pick him up. And to maybe get to drink a whole cup of coffee while it's hot. It will be fine,

Oops posted too soon. It will be fine, OP, feeling guilty is normal but it's because you love your DC

Oh you've just made me cry OP! I've got one month left of my last mat leave. Hope it goes ok x

I am exactly the same as you OP. First settle this week and I’ve been in bits. DD is 10m old and she was only there an hour and I sobbed the whole day. It’s a mixture of a shed load of emotions, along with the fact she is breastfed and struggles with a bottle and doesn’t sleep well. No idea how it’s all going to work but my office is 2mins away so if the worst happens I can pop in to feed. I thought I was ready but I’m not, but know I have no choice. I will only be in work 3 days and will make the others ones count! Saying that my eldest DD was in nursery at 9m old 4 days a week and thrived, just like most other posters have said. I know she will have a wonderful time (eventually!) - it’s just hard...

Oh don’t feel guilty op. If it makes you feel any better my dd is 9.5 months and I’ve been back at work since she was 3 months. It’s done her wonders though.

My GD went to Nursery two weeks ago for a couple of days a week. Other Grandma has her one day and I have her the rest. She is not in the least bit bothered. Her mum told me she felt really guilty and I told her not to be because she is just fine and happy.

My dc think childcare dc were more independent. It wasn't until they become dc who come home to empty homes that it's bigger trouble.

I dont know what to say OP!
It's very hard to leave them but you do get over it and it becomes the new normal routine. Then you cry when they leave!
You cry when they start and leave primary school then secondary school.
God!! I even cried when they went to university.

They’ll be absolutely fine. My youngest was in nursery 7:30am to 5:45pm 5 days a week. He was there more than the staff. He was their little favourite and had a great time.

That’s a long long day for the baby - but if you genuinely have no choice then you don’t. I ended up changing my hours so that DCs had 3 x 8am -5pm days but it didn’t help my career anybthat much is true. I’m glad now that I did it. Just remember nothing is set in stone, they will get older, their routines will change.

I think you're an amazing mummy. You are teaching your beautiful babies how much you love them by going to work and providing a better life for them and teaching them the right morals. Keep doing what you're doing....aslong as you're spending your time with them...just with them...(sod housework!) Then they will love you even more x

Hang in there, I'm sure it will be ok. You are NOT a terrible mummy and your children know you love and treasure them. And nothing is written in stone - if your baby doesn't settle (though I guess your toddler did?) you can change arrangements until you find something that works for your family. Chin up and try to enjoy your break so you can be a happy mummy when you pick them up.

As long as you are happy with the nursery it will get better I am assured. Couldn't do it myself, sorry I know I will be shit down in flames but, my children my and/DHs responsibilty. If I hadnt known I would be able to do this, it would be no children for me. I do though hope everything settles for you and your children.

I didn't return to work after having my baby (now 23yrs old). I thought I was doing the best thing for her and I loved every minute of it. Now, here's the big but. Since my little girl has flown the nest, I am so lost. I made her my world and now I find I have no friends, no work colleagues and zero social life.

It's fine. They are both going to be fine and so will you. Just have lots of quality time on your non-work days. They learn to be adaptable and resilient. Really.

I work 5 days a week and have a 2 hour each way commute. My boy was at nursery from about the same age. I know how you feel right now. But you know what, once settled, he loved nursery! He learnt so many things from the other kids and staff, he played with more toys than he could ever imagine, he made friends and had so much fun. He loves going.

They get so much out of it. He’s now a very happy and independent toddler, and the time we do have together is wonderful and so special.

There’s nothing wrong with you choosing what’s best for your family, if your a full time mum or a working mum. Both are awesome. But I think It’s great for little boys to see their mum rocking a job!

Basically your the only mum they will ever have, so they’ll have no other to compare you to. They won’t miss having a full time mum, because they’ll have a working one. I’m sure they’ll be just as proud of you as you are of them.

Just make the time you are together great.

Your not a bad mum, you’re human. We aren’t always superwomen. You obviously love your kids, and what ever the situation that’s all that really matters.

I’m super proud of you OP, it’s so hard juggling it all. But I’m sure you’re rocking it.

Sorry for the gush.

I stayed home with my boys till my youngest started school in September, I went strait into a full time job & miss them so much I'm still stressing about the school holidays but we're now all used to it, I wish I'd done it when they were younger so it would not have been such a shock to them but it wasn't financially viable to work before they were both in school x