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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To only take 1 of our 2 DC to Disneyland Paris

150 replies

Lifeonmars77 · 13/03/2019 14:16

DS1 is 7 years old, a massive Disney fan, loves characters, rides, LOVES shows. Very placid, well behaved and a good traveller.

DS2 is 2 and a half, hates travelling, will not go on rides (not even the little toddler ones), hates anyone dressed up in a character costume.... just screams, is a nightmare in queues, hates holding hands/reins/wrist straps and loves running off!

We are planning a 3 day trip to Disneyland Paris in August. WIBU to just take DS1 this time? I don't want to send the message that he is more important but, if we are going to spend that amount of money on the trip, it would be a shame if he didn't get the most out of it.

If we did this, we would look to take DS2 on a separate trip, maybe when DS1 is in school, maybe a zoo, cbeebies land etc.

All things considered, it makes the most sense but I can't help feeling horrible about it

WWYD?

OP posts:

SmarmyMrMime · 13/03/2019 15:47

Treating children equally does not always mean treating them the same. As long as DS2 gets a good time with grandparents and you are prepared to treat them with something special in the summer, I think splitting to give the 7 year old a great experience and not struggling with a 2 year old out of the comfort zone is fair for both of them.

The 2 year old may never think Disney is a great idea in which case you may wait until you have a teenager who missed out.

OhTheDramz · 13/03/2019 15:49

DS2 will be three or almost by then. My DS2 is just three and I also have DS1 who is 7 so I get it. However, DS2 has really grown up in the last six months, he’s a different child now, much more biddable. Also, how will you gee up the excitement and anticipation for DS1 without DS2 realising? DS2 would definitely know here if we were talking about a holiday, he’d be really looking forward to it. And DS1 would hate DS2 to be left out, although he’s quite anxious an over thinker. Basically, it wouldn’t work here. And don’t underestimate how much DS2 will change in the next 5 or so months.

Pinkbells · 13/03/2019 15:50

What about if the grandparents took your youngest to Peppa Pig world at the same time? Or something similar?

Pinkbells · 13/03/2019 15:50

Oh just realised the dressing up and rides, so still not a good idea - scrap that!

altiara · 13/03/2019 15:57

Definitely do it! It’s only 3 days, you’re not going on a 2 week holiday. My sister in law did this a lot with her youngest because of the age gap and her little one loved having time with the grandparents.

anniehm · 13/03/2019 15:57

My dd wasn't the biggest fan of mickey, she was 15 months and screamed when he touched her, but she has the photo on her room at boarding school! They also are free under 3, he may love it.

daisyjgrey · 13/03/2019 16:03

He's 2 and a half and won't even remember it, don't feel guilty.
Children are two separate people, they don't have to do everything together.

KurriKurri · 13/03/2019 16:06

I have a five year gap between my children - you have to sometimes make the decision that the older child needs time to do stuff whihc is age innapropriate for the younger one Otherwise you end up doing stuff that is suitable for the younger one and the older child has to go along with it.
Your 2yr old will not know he is missing out (he isn't missing out - he wouldn't enjoy it - he may never enjoy rides etc - some kids don't) and if he went everyone including him would have a lousy time - an enjoyable experience for you 7yr old would be spoilt by you having to wrangle and comfort a crying 2 yr old.

As they grow up (mine are now grown up)things even out - they get equl if not necessarily identical experiences (geared towards their preferences) Neither of mine thinks they missed out (unless they are hiding their resentment from me ! )

Take your 7yr old to Disney land (It is totally innappropriate for a 2yr old if it is anything like the Orlando one - queues, busyness, crowds, and always a very long day to fit everything in), and do Peppa Pig or whatever your 2yr old loves when you get home - and your 7 yr old wont be interested in that. bring two yr old a disney stuffed toy back as a gift and he will be happy.

cookingonwine · 13/03/2019 16:08

If you can ... go for it. The child will feel extra special for you doing so. Enjoy 😊

Tensixtysix · 13/03/2019 16:10

He's young enough to not care. I'd take the eldest and go and have a great time!
Disneyland isn't really for toddlers.

Armadillostoes · 13/03/2019 16:15

Go for it! The little one will be spoilt by doting grandparents and the older one won't miss out on a magical experience. By the time DS2 has grown up enough to appreciate it, DS1 may well be too old to enjoy it. Don't let him miss out for no reason-DS2 will get his share of treats through the years.

Floralnomad · 13/03/2019 16:20

I have never understood the mentality of you must treat children exactly the same with regards to trips / presents etc . Our dc are now adult and it’s never been an issue that they have been on different holidays or that we haven’t price matched at Christmas etc .

Shixtyshixpershent · 13/03/2019 16:21

Haven’t rtft but this happened to a relative of mine. A family of four and they left the youngest at home while they all went to Disney. They never took the youngest at all and she’s now an adult and still gets quite upset that she never got to go. With that in mind I couldn’t do it personally. I’d wait or just go for it as a family.

FurrySlipperBoots · 13/03/2019 16:21

In your position I would just take your eldest. I think it would be really good for him to have 100% of his parents' attention for a while. As your toddler would hate it, it would be more unfair to make him go. Yes you could wait a year or 2 but who's to say your eldest wouldn't hate it by then?

Is there a fun day trip his grandparents could take him on? Instead of talking about how you're going away without him, I would turn it round and say he's going to his grandparent's specially so he can go to *some other special day out.

It's just 3 days. If it were a week I'd be saying reconsider, but as it is go right ahead and enjoy!

greenpop21 · 13/03/2019 16:22

Why not just wait and take them both when they can both appreciate it? I took mine at 13 and 10 and they loved it as they could go on most rides.

CluedoAddict · 13/03/2019 16:26

No way could I do that. Holidays are about being together as a family. Find something you could enjoy as a whole family.

youarenotkiddingme · 13/03/2019 16:26

Think you've answered your own question.

For ds2 it will be like a normal 2 day visit and sleepover at GP. Except a few days longer. A place he'll be happy and loved (and probably spoilt!)

If he went he as well as you all would be miserable. That's not really a holiday and certainly isn't a holiday for him to be taken somewhere he doesn't like and won't enjoy!

Ameliant · 13/03/2019 16:43

2 weeks in Florida, no. 3 days in France, yes.

I think treating your children fairly doesn't mean treating them identically.

KurriKurri · 13/03/2019 16:51

I had the opposite experience - as the youngest of three I was often taken to things that were to old for me, I remember as a four year old being expected to keep up while my sisters (one of whom was 7yrs older than me) tramped for miles on youth hostelling holidays while I trailed along behind exhausted, and miserable - then everyone would be cross with me for being over tired and moany.

On a different occasion I remember my sister being taken out to a show in the evening that was too old for me. I staed home with my Dad - he had got me a new jigsaw game and helped me with that, then we had hot chocolate and extra stories at bedtime - I remember is as a lovely special evening with my Dad - no idea what the show was I missed.

Older children shouldn't have to wait for a treat for when they are older - they might be too old to enjoy it then (remember there are 5yrs between OP's children - very different from having a 2 yr gap) Younger children shouldn;t be forced into doing stuff that is too old for them and they won;t enjoy. And not all children like all things - OP's younger child may never be the kind of child that loves DisneyLand - some children hate all that kind of stuff, then the older child will have waied for nothing and missed enjoying it when he is just the right age.

Kennehora · 13/03/2019 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Springwalk · 13/03/2019 16:52

When it comes to your two year old’s chance for a trip to Disney solo how do you think your eldest is going to feel being left behind?

Not great, especially if they loved the experience the first time.

Imagine seeing their face as you pull out of your parents drive for a special holiday.

I could never do it to either child. I would wait a year and go altogether. It will be cheaper just to go once rather than two separate trips, and you will all share the memories.

I disagree that children feel indifferent about being treated differently, some children continue to be hurt into adulthood about these small but significant injustices, and see it as part of a bigger malaise in their families.

ginghamtablecloths · 13/03/2019 16:55

There's no need to feel horrible about leaving the younger child with grandparents if he doesn't enjoy theme parks. Think of how much worse it would be if you took him and he hated every minute - it would be hellish for all of you.

You can enjoy the holiday knowing that he's having a pleasant quiet time with GPs. When he's a bit older he may appreciate the park more, if not then a different type of holiday awaits.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 13/03/2019 16:56

Sounds like DS2 will have a way better time at grandparents than he would at Disneyland anyway so I wouldn’t think twice. If he was older and therefore more aware, yes I’d think it was more unfair. DS1 will love the 1:1 time (actually 2:1 time I assume!) too.

Springwalk · 13/03/2019 16:56

Btw I have taken my dc as babies and toddlers and they found it mesmerising. The only thing we had to adjust was the finish time. We could stay later as they got older. I didn’t see any unhappy toddlers personally during the many times we have been.

Fundays12 · 13/03/2019 16:56

No i wouldn’t I would wait till they were both old enough to enjoy it together. Your 2 year old will notice your absence at that age and no matter how much they love there grandparents will miss you all.

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