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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I'm not 'cruel' to my dog because he's not allowed on the sofa?

165 replies

HarrySnotter · 12/03/2019 07:29

I love my dog. I absolutely adore him and he's a massive part of our family life. He comes lots of places with us, we holiday in this country so that he can come too, he gets two long walks every single day (we live rurally) sometimes more. He has a very happy life, I think, and is very loving and much loved.

He's not allowed on the sofa, he never has been (he has his own furry bed). It's not a massive issue as he was trained from a pup not to jump up on it. We've just bought a new suite and the same rules apply but as it's new he seems to be chancing his paw a bit and made a couple of attempts to jump up. He's told to get down and does so. My friend was here last night when this happened and she was 'horrified' (her words) that he's 'not thought highly enough' to be allowed on the sofa. If I'm watching telly at night, I normally sit on the floor and he lies next to me or with his head on my knee etc (he's massive). He's not allowed on there because he's huge, sheds bucket loads and I don't want the furnishings to smell of dog.

I think she's being a twat. AIBU?

OP posts:

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k1233 · 12/03/2019 08:28

Mine are allowed on the sofa but they generally choose to sleep on their lounge room beds after a quick snuggle. I wouldn't let a huge dog on.

k1233 · 12/03/2019 08:29

Also mine don't leave hair anywhere - stripped westie and cocker, so very minimal hair loss. I wear black a lot and am never covered in hair.

Insecure123 · 12/03/2019 08:30

This is in no way cruel lol. My dogs ar eon my sofa, bed, anywhere they like but my house my rules exact same as your house your rules. Plenty people don't let their dogs on the sofa! I am pretty sure he isn't holding a grudge about it and is perfectly comfortable in his bed! let her worry about her home and you worry about yours :)

diddl · 12/03/2019 08:33

Why wouldn't you just get him his own sofa?

Parly · 12/03/2019 08:33

What's interesting is that our dogs are generally allowed full free run of the house (downstairs) and have their own bed, bean bag, spot on the sofa and can be where they like provided they budge up or jump off when asked which they do without argument or hesitation.

They're allowed to hop up and snuggle with us because they understand it's a privilege and not their rightful place so it's never a problem.

People I find get uppity and think it's cruel not to let dogs on the sofa or be anywhere in particular are often unable to get their dogs to move or do anything for them to the extent I've seen some dogs snarling and really showing teeth like nasty bastards but they play it down and laugh it off.

That said our dogs can manage to make themselves look like something from an RSPCA advert. One of mine routinely goes and starts pawing at the tiniest piece of paper, a carrier bag or a dish cloth in front of the washing machine.

Curls herself into the tightest ball and sleeps like it's her only comfort.

Each person has their own way of doing things and their own rules for dogs in the house. Not anyone else's business really and if someone is overcome with shock, horror and upset they could use a hobby.

To think I'm not 'cruel' to my dog because he's not allowed on the sofa?

Ribbonsonabox · 12/03/2019 08:34

YANBU imo it's more cruel to treat a dog like a human being... dogs dont need to be on sofas watching TV ffs. I mean I guess it's up to the dog owner but I grew up in a rural place with working dogs so to me dogs look happiest when in the most natural environment of running around outside. I feel sad for dogs that are treated like toys.
So I dont think YABU, you can love a dog very much and also acknowledge that it's not a human it's an animal that needs different things to a human.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 12/03/2019 08:35

Your friend is being unreasonable. There's no reason for the dog to be on the sofa, he's a dog not a human being

This +1

Dragongirl10 · 12/03/2019 08:35

She is an idiot....and he is NOT a 'fur baby' he is a dog!

My beloved dogs have never been allowed on sofas or upstairs, dogs don't give a damn, they care about exercise, food and their pack ie family

Parly · 12/03/2019 08:35

Meanwhile...

eastwestnorth · 12/03/2019 08:36

Like yours my dogs have a wonderful life, I could not love them more, walks several times a day, often in the country or at the beach as I'm retired and have the time, really comfy beds in the kitchen and living-room and the best of care, but they don't get on the couch or my bed. Sorry , this should be past tense as both have died now and I'm about to start looking for another.
I was also told that I was cruel not to let them on the bed.
I think people are very sentimental about the wrong things. My dogs quickly grew to love their own beds so much they didn't even try to go on the couch.

Bananasarenottheonlyfruit · 12/03/2019 08:42

My dog is not even allowed upstairs, let alone on furniture. She has a bed in every room downstairs though.

A warm shed with a halogen lamp is not cruel, if that is what the dog is used to. Changing to that set up late in life would be confusing, but still not necessarily cruel. Plenty of dogs live in kennels/sheds.

balls2DWall · 12/03/2019 08:43

Cluelessbeetroot your name is indeed quiet apt. You are clueless. My dog is not locked in a shed!!!! it has its own warm shed instead of a kennel.

diddl · 12/03/2019 08:44

Our dog has a (dog) bed in our bedroom.

I was reading in bed last night & called to him to come up on the bed.

He was so disgusted with the idea that he sighed loudly & turned his back to me

Spudlet · 12/03/2019 08:44

Spuddog js allowed onto the sofa, where he is a very efficient footwarmer. He knows that when I have a blanket over my legs, his place is curled up behind them, and takes this extremely seriously .

However we will be getting a larger breed next time, and it will not be a sofa dog. Like Spuddog, it will have a comfy living room bed and we will get onto the floor with it for snuggles, as was the case with my childhood dog. It's too late and would be very unfair to change the rules for Spuddog now, but a new dog will know no different and will accept the rules as long as we are clear, kind and consistent. And of course it won't be cruel, good grief!

Theladyofthehouse · 12/03/2019 08:46

Yanbu. As a none dog owner I’d be very grateful if I was visiting because I’m not keen sitting on dog hair.

balls2DWall · 12/03/2019 08:47

thank you Bananasarenothteonlyfruit

Purplecatshopaholic · 12/03/2019 08:47

Hmm, your house, your rules I guess. It is not how it works in my house - I do not see why you have pets and then not allow them on furniture TBH. My dog and cats sleep with me on the sofa and in my bed at night and I love it! If you dont like a house covered in pet hair dont come to mine, lol

BarbarianMum · 12/03/2019 08:49

People think it's cruel not to let dogs on the furniture now?

CherryPavlova · 12/03/2019 08:50

No dog on sofa in our house - except when son is home and undermines us. He has beds during the day and a crate at night or if we are out.
The cruel it is mistaking a dog for a human and confusing the poor beast.

goodwinter · 12/03/2019 08:57

People I find get uppity and think it's cruel not to let dogs on the sofa or be anywhere in particular are often unable to get their dogs to move or do anything for them to the extent I've seen some dogs snarling and really showing teeth like nasty bastards but they play it down and laugh it off.

This is very true. Our boy snuggles with us on the sofa and sleeps in our bed most nights too, but if he's told to get off, he has to get off and into his own bed. He's never shown any signs of aggression or possessiveness over the furniture (or anything tbh) but if he did, we'd then have to reconsider.

As a PP said, whatever you choose, someone's going to think it's cruel or gross. I bet we both have happy dogs anyway :)

thecatsthecats · 12/03/2019 08:58

Everyone thinks we're cruel for not letting the cat sleep on our bed with us, when he follows us around for cuddles every other waking hour of the day.

If they want the furry shithead standing on their face in the middle of the night they're welcome to him.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/03/2019 09:00

I wish to God we'd kept our lot off the sofa!

Of course it's not cruel!

One of ours is a great dane - when he's on the sofa there is no room for anything or anyone else -but we let him because we have hard floors, and his skin is very thin - he finds it difficult to get comfortable on the floor (that's my story and I'm sticking to it.)

Deerhounds are magnificent!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/03/2019 09:03

I think that most people who let dogs on the furniture are doing it because they like the dogs beside/on top of them, rather than for the benefit of the dog.

However, dogs aren't stupid and will accept whatever position in the home gets them nearer to a plate of cake or a biscuit.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 12/03/2019 09:03

His big, hairy, dog was allowed on the sofa and was turfed off so you could sit down. If you sat down where the dog had been sitting, it was smelly hairy and a bit grim to be honest. Yes! That's why we have throws. So when we have visitors they come off and they have a nice clean sofa to sit on.

He likes a bit of telly and a snuggle, but gets off when told, back to his other favoured spot, his crate

TimetoChange2017 · 12/03/2019 09:04

He may not even want to come on the couch. Many dogs prefer their own place to relax.

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