... have I been completely manipulated by a 10 year old? WWYD?

[MessyMummy15]

So I went to my sister in laws house this weekend and she has three children..
boy 13
Girl 11 and
Girl 7

Boy who's birthday is May told me that everyone in school has this particular phone case and he really wanted it for his birthday. I had a check online and it was £3 so I ordered it and told him it was gonna come before May but it was just a gift.

Everything fine. We all playing and laughing and having fun... Four hours pass and me, DH and kids go to leave. 13yo and 7yo come and hug us and say goodbye but 11 year old refuses to get off the couch and starts bursting into tears saying she isn't going to hug me or say goodbye because I'm horrible and it's not fair that her brother got something and not her.

I respond that two weeks ago I brought her a particular toy she had been looking for but didn't get anything for her brother and sister and they didn't complain
But she carries on crying and goes to her dad and essentially stamps her foot at him till he says to me "just buy her what she wants and I'll give you the money" I agree just to end the stupid situation as I'm half way out the door anyway

Then in the car on the way home she's sending me Ebay links for the "stuff she wants" telling me the best aunty etc etc... 😒

AIBU to be feel completely manipulated and that I shouldn't actually get her anything?

It's not about the money, the things she had chosen were kinda cheap anyway but I'm annoyed that she didn't just ask me when I ordered something for her brother but was fine all day till I was leaving and put on the most dramatic show in front of her mum and dad. I ALWAYS buy all the kids something when I see them anyways such as sweets or magazines etc

Should I just get over it and buy it considering she's only 11 or tell her dad straight that I don't think that behaviours warrants gifts?

Thanks if you read the whole way through...

In future buy for all - or for a birthday.

If you feel that you must buy her one of her requests (due to saying that you would) then do buy something good for each of the others at the same time.

Don't let the tantrum win the day completely!

Tell her Dad that you think he should order what she wants, tell HER (if it comes up) that you were so appalled by her behaviour that you’ve decided no gifts anymore full-stop. Preferably in parents and siblings hearing

Wow what a brat! She really should have grown out of throwing tantrums to get her own way by now. Then again with a soft sap of a father like your brother it's no wonder she tries it on. She has little respect for you and I absolutely would not be buying her anything after that little display. Her dad can buy it for her if he's happy to reward her immaturity,rudeness and manipulation.

sorry your bro/inlaw is to blame here

who says just get it for her -spoilt brat theyre making there

I hate this, I'd be telling her to shut up and stop being so bloody spoilt. She'd be getting nothing from me.

You can't go back on your word but the father sounds like he needs to put his foot down with her.
She shouldn't be behaving like that at 11.
Buy her something cheap then confine presents to Christmas and Birthday and have a word with her father.

Buy her a book about spoilt rude kids...

Hey everyone.
Thanks for all the replies
Just to clarify it's my DHs sisters kid and her husband who facilitated the behaviour.
At the time my Sister in law and DH were outside putting my kids in the car. So just me, 11yo niece and her dad was in the room.
I don't see them very often as they live quite far so that's why I usually take them small token gifts when I do see them and usually they all get one thing each.

The majority seem to be agreeing that I need to pull her up on the matter.
I think I will leave it and not buy anything and if it gets mentioned I will just say that "I am not rewarding spoilt behaviour" will probably go down like a lead balloon but I think I gotta stick to my guns on this one...

"this girl has a certain tendency to stamp her feet if she isn't getting her way. "

Sounds just like Violet Elizabeth in Just William books - "I'll scream and scream until I'm sick - and I can!!".

Nope she needs to understand that the gift was for her brother and that her turn is another time very Dudley Dursley birthday behaviour I wouldn’t get it out of principal do you really want to be used like that x good manners love and kindness are one of the few things that come free I’d be feeling horribly used and upset as the instant behavioural change was only until you got Her shopping list and isn’t real in fact it would be hard to differentiate genuine affection from her going forward I hope you sort it out x

Just an update in case anyone was wondering.

Sister in law and family visited yesterday and 11yo niece followed me into the kitchen
Conversation went:
11yoN: did you order my item aunty
Me: no it wasn't in stock
11: that's ok I can pick another one
Me: no as you cried so much for this one you can wait and see if it comes back in stock
11: you can also buy it on this other site.
Me: (firm) no. After your behaviour last week I don't actually feel like buying you anything so please don't expect anything till your birthday.
11: oh. Ok.

End of conversation.
I think that was a firm win on my behalf!! Not sure if this will be mentions by sister in law and her husband at some point this week but we will see

Well done for sticking to your guns

Just but her something OP, like a book about manners or a dummy. Then explain she can have nice things when she grows up. Sounds harsh but kids these days are far too bubbled wrapped.

Delighted to hear it op!

Nice work OP. It won't do her any harm to see that she doesn't get everything she demands. I would definitely just stick with birthday and Christmas from now on.