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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... have I been completely manipulated by a 10 year old? WWYD?

115 replies

MessyMummy15 · 11/03/2019 19:47

So I went to my sister in laws house this weekend and she has three children..
boy 13
Girl 11 and
Girl 7

Boy who's birthday is May told me that everyone in school has this particular phone case and he really wanted it for his birthday. I had a check online and it was £3 so I ordered it and told him it was gonna come before May but it was just a gift.

Everything fine. We all playing and laughing and having fun... Four hours pass and me, DH and kids go to leave. 13yo and 7yo come and hug us and say goodbye but 11 year old refuses to get off the couch and starts bursting into tears saying she isn't going to hug me or say goodbye because I'm horrible and it's not fair that her brother got something and not her.

I respond that two weeks ago I brought her a particular toy she had been looking for but didn't get anything for her brother and sister and they didn't complain
But she carries on crying and goes to her dad and essentially stamps her foot at him till he says to me "just buy her what she wants and I'll give you the money" I agree just to end the stupid situation as I'm half way out the door anyway

Then in the car on the way home she's sending me Ebay links for the "stuff she wants" telling me the best aunty etc etc... 😒

AIBU to be feel completely manipulated and that I shouldn't actually get her anything?

It's not about the money, the things she had chosen were kinda cheap anyway but I'm annoyed that she didn't just ask me when I ordered something for her brother but was fine all day till I was leaving and put on the most dramatic show in front of her mum and dad. I ALWAYS buy all the kids something when I see them anyways such as sweets or magazines etc

Should I just get over it and buy it considering she's only 11 or tell her dad straight that I don't think that behaviours warrants gifts?

Thanks if you read the whole way through...

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 11/03/2019 20:22

No no no no no, absolutely NOT! If my children behaved like that I'd be horrified and embarrassed. You need to make a stand, otherwise it will escalate. You are clearly the only person in this child's life who can see what an entitled, spoilt brat she is. Stick to your guns!

Also, I don't agree with buying her anything, regardless of what you said in the heat of the moment. I'd be going back to your sibling and indeed your niece and explaining clearly why that won't be happening. She'll never learn otherwise!

hiddeneverything · 11/03/2019 20:22

Don't get her anything. Tell her why (she was so rude to you). Tell her parents why (she was so rude to you) and stop buying them things all the time. Surely their parents don't like their children being that level of spoiled either? Is this really an eleven year old we are talking about?

nos123 · 11/03/2019 20:23

Spoilt brat...good luck to her parents once she hits the teenage phase. Such cringe behaviour from an 11 year old.

I’d explain to her next time that her behaviour is unreasonable and that you don’t exist to buy presents but kindly do so from time to time anyway.

listsandbudgets · 11/03/2019 20:29

Spoilt... very spoilt.

I wouldn't tolerate this from my 6 year old let alone my 13 year old.

11 is quite old enough to understand that she had a present last time and its her brothers time this time. Her parents have to stop giving into this behavior or they'll be making a rod for their own back (and yours)

To use a mumsnet favourite "No is a complete sentence". No.

MaybeDoctor · 11/03/2019 20:31

You have created the inconsistency by buying siblings random gifts at random times.

There has to be a pattern for children to see things as fair: if Auntie Julie buys gifts on Tuesdays in months with a Y, then all three of them get a gift on those occasions. If Auntie Julie only buys and gifts on birthdays, then stick to that.

Also, what happened to children buying random tat like this out of pocket money?

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 11/03/2019 20:31

I would buy something because I'd promised. But I'd change my behaviour going forward and not agree if that situation arose again. Her dad was awful rewarding her for a tantrum

NewAndImprovedNorks · 11/03/2019 20:35

Don’t buy anything...wait .....all will be calm

Tantrums are all about RIGHT NOW...they dissipate with the addition of time

AguerosAngel · 11/03/2019 20:37

If my DS had behaved like that I’d have wiped the floor with him! What a horrid spoilt child she sounds and the parents are just enabling her disgusting, entitled behaviour.

I wouldn’t be buying her anything, if you do then you’re just as bad as the parents!

SW7mum · 11/03/2019 20:38

Don't buy anything and maybe have a chat with your brother about this madness!

Supersimpkin · 11/03/2019 20:38

Bratty. Poundland from now on. Be strong.

FrancisCrawford · 11/03/2019 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 11/03/2019 20:41

Don't buy anything. Just forward the emails to your brother and tell him he wants to pander to her spoilt behaviour he can order the stuff she wants, cos you are not going to be manipulated by a brat.

groovergirl · 11/03/2019 20:43

If she expects this sort of instant gratification later in life, she's in for a big shock.
I feel a bit sorry for her, tho. Perhaps you can be the gently guiding force on boundaries and appropriate behaviour.

Wallywobbles · 11/03/2019 20:44

Do you have any direct contact with the child in question eg WhatsApp or SMS ? If so could you have a conversation with her? Asking if she would buy a present for someone if they called her horrible? Then moving it along from there.

My kids would definitely have been able to have had a reasoned discussion by 11.

puppymouse · 11/03/2019 20:45

My 5yo doesn't even behave like that. If she wants something and we say no, that's the end of it. Your DB is enabling this.

BorsetshireBlew · 11/03/2019 20:47

It's not her fault really, her parents are awful

user1474894224 · 11/03/2019 20:48

Actually I disagree with saying things have to be fair. They aren't in life so no. ...you don't have to change so you get them all something every time. She is 11 not 3. She can understand that she got a gift last time and not this time. She's also old enough to understand that her behaviour warrants nothing. - The only caveat here...do they know you are a push over? Did they hatch a plan before you arrived to get you to buy them stuff. Did you fall for DNephews's attempt and buy the phone case.....but refused to fall for DNeice. That would explain her frustration over the situation. Although still not right....

IWantChocolates · 11/03/2019 20:49

Buy something for her from Poundland or something very cheap but also buy something for her sister (and maybe also brother). If she tantrums again about "it's not fair" it gives you the chance to say you'll only buy Christmas and birthday presents in future (and you can explain again about how it is fair due to her receiving one earlier).

caughtinanet · 11/03/2019 20:49

Absolutely no way buy her anything at all, what vile behaviour.

Make it quite clear to all involved that you won't be buying anything more at all

Pk37 · 11/03/2019 20:51

It’s not just the dad that’s at fault! The girl is 11 ,that’s not a little kid that doesn’t know any better .
She’d be getting absolutely nothing but then if I was buying a little gift for a a niece/nephew then I’d make sure they all had something ,not at separate times as it just causes arguments as you’ve found out .

bert3400 · 11/03/2019 20:54

I have a 10yr old and if he dared behave like that he would be in serious trouble . How very very rude of the child and the parents (dad) is fasilitating the behaviour. I would send a message stating , you felt very uncomfortable when leaving and don't think its appropriate to buy a present for said brat, as this is condoning her behaviour. Fuming on your behalf

hiddeneverything · 11/03/2019 20:54

I can't believe there are people on here telling you to buy her anything. No f**king chance! (Sorry I know I keep commenting but I really am astounded by this)

Janedoughnut · 11/03/2019 20:54

I'd buy for the boy and then when she asks where hers is I'd tell her that it's not her turn yet and that she needs to apologise for calling you names.

eggsandwich · 11/03/2019 21:00

I’d buy her the same phone case as you brought her brother.

gruffaloschildgonewild · 11/03/2019 21:03

This is such a rude and entitled behaviour and her parents are not helping her. I would be mortified if my kid asks someone to buy something for it let alone then ask the other person to actually get it for them! But tbh I would not get her what she is asking for. Tell her that "presents are what the other person chooses for you, not what you choose for yourself. You will get something but it's something I will choose and I don't want any ungratefulness about it either otherwise you wont get anything in the future." She is old enough to understand this.

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