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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... have I been completely manipulated by a 10 year old? WWYD?

115 replies

MessyMummy15 · 11/03/2019 19:47

So I went to my sister in laws house this weekend and she has three children..
boy 13
Girl 11 and
Girl 7

Boy who's birthday is May told me that everyone in school has this particular phone case and he really wanted it for his birthday. I had a check online and it was £3 so I ordered it and told him it was gonna come before May but it was just a gift.

Everything fine. We all playing and laughing and having fun... Four hours pass and me, DH and kids go to leave. 13yo and 7yo come and hug us and say goodbye but 11 year old refuses to get off the couch and starts bursting into tears saying she isn't going to hug me or say goodbye because I'm horrible and it's not fair that her brother got something and not her.

I respond that two weeks ago I brought her a particular toy she had been looking for but didn't get anything for her brother and sister and they didn't complain
But she carries on crying and goes to her dad and essentially stamps her foot at him till he says to me "just buy her what she wants and I'll give you the money" I agree just to end the stupid situation as I'm half way out the door anyway

Then in the car on the way home she's sending me Ebay links for the "stuff she wants" telling me the best aunty etc etc... 😒

AIBU to be feel completely manipulated and that I shouldn't actually get her anything?

It's not about the money, the things she had chosen were kinda cheap anyway but I'm annoyed that she didn't just ask me when I ordered something for her brother but was fine all day till I was leaving and put on the most dramatic show in front of her mum and dad. I ALWAYS buy all the kids something when I see them anyways such as sweets or magazines etc

Should I just get over it and buy it considering she's only 11 or tell her dad straight that I don't think that behaviours warrants gifts?

Thanks if you read the whole way through...

OP posts:
ShawshanksRedemption · 11/03/2019 21:05

Is her name Veruca Salt?

Justgivemesomepeace · 11/03/2019 21:10

Id get her something small as you have already said you would. I would get a small gift for the 3rd child then they've all had something. Make it clear you've evened it all up, and gifts will be birthdays and xmas only from now on.

boomboom1234 · 11/03/2019 21:15

It's difficult because understandably in the stress of the moment you said you would buy it for her. If it were my niece I would call her and explain that how she behaved was not nice and made you feel upset and that it put you on the spot. Say that you love buying her gifts but how she acted was rude. If she apologised I would then buy the gift but say no more now until
Birthday/Xmas etc but if she kicks off again calmly say that you won't be buying it this time as her behaviour is not good.

brizzlemint · 11/03/2019 21:20

There's no way I'd buy her anything after a tantrum like that. Is there something going on in her life to make her that way or is she always spoilt?

Redcrayons · 11/03/2019 21:27

I would be mortified if my child behaved as she did. Wtf is your brother thinking?

She wouldn't be getting anything outside of birthdays or Christmas from now on either.

Jux · 11/03/2019 21:30

I don't think you shoud get it. I think you shuld say to her that you only agreed because she was making such a fuss, but that her behaviour is so bad that you have no intention of getting it for her. People who behavpolitely and kindly deservegifts, others don't it's up to her to decide which she wants to be.

Otherwise, what does she learn? She learns that if she makes enough of a fuss she gets what she wants. So what if you say that you won't do it again? You did it this time, and she'll only have to makemore of a fuss next time and you'll cave again.

user1457017537 · 11/03/2019 21:31

I would not get her anything. If father queries her not receiving a gift just say hasn’t it arrived yet. Have her looking out for it for the next few weeks. Still don’t get her anything

Takethebuscuitandthesink · 11/03/2019 21:34

I am horrified no way in a million billion years. Do not buy anything how dare she! Disgusting behaviour from her. I would text her back and say you feel she acted like a spoiled brat and that her dad offered to pay to avoid a meltdown. Honestly, god help those parents when she is a teenager.

Myshinynewname · 11/03/2019 21:36

Wow! My 5 year old knows not to behave like that. I would be mortified if I was her parent. I do think you need to stop buying them something every time you see them - it just isn’t necessary.

animaginativeusername · 11/03/2019 21:42

Gosh no - I wouldn't buy. Parents are enabling her bad behaviour. My 6 year old doesn't complain when something bought for sibling.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 11/03/2019 21:46

Tell her it was not in stock, but you will keep an eye open for it, and get it when it comes back in. When she says she wants a different one, say ‘no, you cried for this one, this is what you get after such a performance, and I’ve now decided that I will no longer buy any of you anything, after what happened’.

NigellaAwesome · 11/03/2019 21:47

I would t engage directly with the child. Despicable manners, I'd be mortified if one of mine behaved like that, really mortified.

But it is an issue you need to raise with her parents. Say you feel you were put on the spot and you were uncomfortable with her demands.

I wouldn't buy anything. It was presumptuous and grabby. But in future, I think you need to stick to birthdays and Xmas. Don't engage directly with any of the kids about what they want. You are being viewed as a cash cow

Lulu1919 · 11/03/2019 21:48

I thought a lime was an unripe lemon !!

BlimeyCalmDown · 11/03/2019 22:00

If you think your brother/her mum are going to fall out with you over it, I would stick to what you agreed but make it clear from now on no more pressies outside of xmas and birthday. When you give it do it with a disapproving face and buy her the cheapest/most rubbish thing!

mumwon · 11/03/2019 22:09

hang on you bought a small birthday present for sibling & 11 year old demands something for her???? easy answer "demanding something like this & I wont buy you present on your birthday" maybe buy sweet or chocs (cheap!) on other siblings bday but that's all!

Sewrainbow · 11/03/2019 22:11

Her dad is at fault here, no way should je have said "buy her what she wants" he should have told her not to be so rude and ask for stuff and sulk and with old polite/affectionate behaviour plus explaining later to her that her brother had something this time, she had something last time.

As for sending a list, I doubt id buy her anything ever again as a treat like that Shock

Puzzledandpissedoff · 11/03/2019 22:19

I'm surprised no-one's mentioned her swapping from "horrible" to "best aunty" because she thought she'd got her way - to me this horrible manipulation is as bad as sulking in the first place and it definitely needs to end

I'd also be telling her that in words of one syllable, and hang what her father thinks

Yolande7 · 11/03/2019 22:25

I have an 11 year old and a 12 year old and they would never behave like that, because they know they would get a major telling off. It is hardly her place to tell you to get her presents! You could choose to only give her brother presents. That wouldn't be nice, but it is up to you - you money, your choice. Her father is just taking the easy way out. Don't buy her anything.

LudoFriend · 11/03/2019 22:28

Given you've already said you'll her something, I agree you have to follow through. However I'd make a subtle hint that she hasn't won by buying the other two something small (kinder egg etc). After all, she didn't think it was fair when you only bought something for her brother. It's only fair. Wink

Mumsymumphy · 11/03/2019 22:28

And the dad's reaction is EXACTLY why she is the way she is.

Love51 · 11/03/2019 22:40

I buy my own kids different stuff at different times. But with other people's I treat sibling groups all the same, (they all get a present on their own birthday!) and extended family treat them all the same too (eg if they go to the shops with mil,, each get something, one time an aunty bought ALL her nephews and nieces a dressing up outfit, they might each get a magazine or a few quid to spend over the holidays) - I have never heard of an aunty buying things 'to order'. It isn't working for you, so stop doing it!

TriciaH87 · 11/03/2019 22:42

My 8 year old knows tantrums get you nothing. The father clearly treats her like a princess when he days just get her what she wants. That would be unfair on the 7yo as both siblings then would have something. Shes being rewarded for throwing a tantrum what example is her dad setting if she thinks throw a strop get what you want. Bad example to the younger daughter too.

DaisyDreaming · 12/03/2019 02:16

How utterly spoilt, yes kids can get upset over things but can’t believe your brother just feeds into her every whim!

Jezebel101 · 12/03/2019 02:38

I'd make it clear to all the kids that I wouldn't be buying them random gifts again. The only gifts they can expect would be birthdays and Xmas, and all of equal value.

Then I'd tell the little madam that I don't appreciate being called names.

Her dad should be ashamed for making sure her tantrum paid off, that's a crap lesson to reinforce.

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