To think DS having a girlfriend online is not a proper girlfriend?

[sugartrex]

DS is 18 has a girlfriend who he has known for 3 years. He does FaceTime her and call her but has never met the girl. I have always been very much "how can you be in a relationship if you haven't met someone". He is extremely offended which I do understand but what can you do? When family ask about him or something, I say he is single which he thinks is unfair. Who is unreasonable here?

Is there a reason they've not met?

It's a catfish situation!

I don't know I will ask my Brother and his wife who meet online and didn't see each other for a long time but are now 15 years married.

It’s not a catfish situation if they’ve FaceTimed because he knows how she looks and that she’s real. A catfish usually does not want to FaceTime

Is it lack of money the reason they’ve not met? It’s pretty much a long distance relationship aside from the fact they’ve never met

Yes money is the reason they are yet to meet.

I don't think she is a catfish, they are on FaceTime quite a bit

I just don't really consider him in a relationship

If he says he's in a relationship why are you telling people he's single? No matter what you think of it, just call it what he wants you to call it.

It seems unnecessary and cruel to deny that he's in a relationship when he feels that he is. Why deny it? If it comes to nothing, so what? It's no different than if he was dating a local girl and they broke up.

You'll only make him resent you, if you continue to act as though his relationship isn't real. Online relationships are definitely real to the people involved and do often end in long-term "traditional" (not long-distance) relationships.

I just don't see the point of antagonizing your son over this, unless there's much more to the story...

People get lambasted on here for "emotional affairs" through instant messaging, and you won't agree your DS is in a relationship just because he's not met her in person?

You're wrong. It's a relationship. They don't need to swap fluids to be a couple.

It’s not going to hurt calling this a relationship because it’s the new age of technology, people are going to connect in new ways.

The fact he’s offended when you deny the existence of the relationship says a lot because you’re disregarding his feelings because what you think a relationship should be.

How old is your son out of interest? I hope he's not sending money to her on a regular basis.
I'm an old cynic sometimes

It's a bit odd that neither of them have saved enough money to go visit the other in three years though.
But I guess it avoids any argument about whose turn it is to cook the dinner or put the bins out etc

YABU. He calls it a relationship, you should respect that. It's not a traditional relationship perhaps but many people 'meet' their partners online nowadays (I also know couples who were penpals before they met in person). Do you accept they are friends online? Is it just the next step to a romantic relationship you find difficult? If you don't want to alienate your son don't disregard his feelings.

Is she in another country? Another continent? I mean after 3 years even an 18 year old could have saved up for a train ticket or a cheap Ryanair flight.

But I agree. I don’t think you can seriously call an online friendship a romantic relationship when you haven’t physically met the person, kissed them or even held their hand.

I have an online boyfriend. I have met him, but it was before we were a couple. Maybe a good idea is to talk to the girl one day and get to know her. Growing a bond with her could help you understand this relationship, and when you admit to yourself that it exists, the conflict with your son will certainly end.

People get lambasted on here for "emotional affairs" through instant messaging, and you won't agree your DS is in a relationship just because he's not met her in person?

This is it really. Would you be happy with a partner/husband having the same level of relationship with someone online? This is how many relationships start these days, you're being very unfair to him.

I mean OP’s DS is only 18, he’s likely to be in school or university, and that doesn’t always mean he’ll have money to spend on a trip abroad especially if she’s living another continent

They don't need to swap fluids to be a couple

I'm pretty sure that's the whole point of being a couple! 😝

Personally I wouldn't call it a serious relationship for myself if I was in that situation, but if it is to others then good on them, each to their own.

However YABU because it's rude to impose your views on your son. Why are you so insistent on getting your son to say it isn't a relationship? What does it matter to you?

You say "what can I do", well firstly I doubt you are constantly being asked about your sons romantic life - obviously you keep mentioning it to people. So you can stop that.

Second, you can simply say "yes, he's in a long distance relationship. From what I hear it's going well. And how about your son/mum/neighbour/dog, how are they going etc".

Seems petty and cruel to tell family members he is single when he says he’s in a relationship, even if that’s what you think privately.

I'm marrying my internet boyfriend from when I was a teenager. Granted we broke up, stayed in touch whilst we lived 13 years of our lives, got back together, travelled back and forth to see each other for a year before making concrete plans to live our lives together.
My folks would have had a similar attitude, so the first they heard of it was when I was engaged and leaving the country. My mother was pretty upset that id chosen not to include her in my life, but history has taught me she would judge me, so I kept her in the dark. Maybe think about how you'd feel if he stopped being so honest with you about these things...

Whatever you feel is irreverent, he feels he’s in a relationship. Even if you think it’s a joke then be there, he’s happy but you are making this bad for him

OP says that her son has known his friend for three years but not how long he has regarded her as a girlfriend, so he may not have wanted to meet her for that long. Perhaps they are actually both happy to keep their relarionship online at present. If you do not think this can be a 'romantic' relationship because they haven't met where would you draw the line? Could they be in love instantly? Or not until they have held hands or kissed? Would they have to know each other for a month, a week, a day, at least an hour?

Look on the bright side. At least you don’t need to be concerned about a teenage pregnancy. Good luck to them, I say.

I'm pretty sure that's the whole point of being a couple! 😝

Maybe to you.

There are mothers and then there are mothers.