to think it is rude for DS to get an obviously second round invite to a birthday the night before?

[Yolo89]

So the question is all in.the heading. Do you think it is rude? Would you do it if someone pulled out and you had an extra place?

@needmorepizzainmydiet
Yes, it's absolutely fine. You might have to quickly think about the personalities of the parents in your reserve list first though. And possibly exclude their child from the party, as that would make the parents happier, apparently.

I understand your child's upset, I also understand why the parents felt better to invite the entire class than leaving one out. That would have been a lot worst.
@disorganisedmum

When you invite with a disability a child to a party that they actually physically cannot take part in, without at least talking to their parent first about how they could be included (bearing in mind this is a mum I know well) that’s actually more hurtful than not getting an invite at all.

And is worst still when there has been an event she could have taken part in, with a girl who to all intents and purposes had befriended DD.

It was a total dick move of the other parent not to consider that.

Invite a child with a disability.

Yabbers
I get that you are miffed she didn't get an invite to the 1st party.

However, I can't see how parents could feel it right to exclude a child from a class party, even with a disability. That's all I meant. The parents don't seem pleasant though!

If she has form for this kind of behavour, Shes one of those school mums Yolo..thankfully this will only pop up once a year.. just have to do what makes your DC happiest and focus on the nicer people in his class and try not to think too much about her intentions or behaviour. If it wasn't you, it would be someone else, which means its not personal, however teeth grinding. They make closer friends as they move up the school years and hopefully it won't be such a pressure in future.

Duckbilled - yes you are so right. She is one of those mums and good idea not to take personally as you say if it wasnt us, it would be someone else!

We had this a few weeks ago, invite received on wednedsday for a party on saturday, no name on the invite or envelope...

I initially RSVPd yes but had to cancel when I realised how soon the party was as it clashed with something else (didn't notice the date at first)

Its not rude as such, just feels a bit mean on your DC that they weren't "top 10", but such is life

I was always offered the choice of a party, or a day out to do something I picked. Since with a child's logic I could perfectly well attend other people's parties, I always picked a day out.

That meant we took one friend plus my sister - it took all of primary school for me to cycle through my friends!

I wouldn't be offended by this for a children's party as I understand places are limited and paid for in advance.

I was, however, mildly amused and offended when a former "friend" invited me to her NYE party on the evening of 30th December. I knew she had invited people back in October and I was genuinely fine with the fact that I had been invited the year before but not made the cut that year. I knew three people had dropped out (from social media) and I was emergency back up! thought it was so rude to invite me so last minute as it was tantamount to saying "I know you know you are just there to fill numbers and I don't care that you know." Same woman does 2 tier kids parties where some are sent home and most stay on for a huge sleep over ....then she plasters it on social media so we all know. What an arse. That's not the only reason she is an ex-friend though.

I feel so sorry for tiny shockanddawe1 what an unnecessary and harsh 'lesson to learn'. I cannot imagine how your mother was expecting you to learn anything from this other than how to cut your nose off to spite your face.

it depends what kind of party.

if there were 30 kids going and mine was the only one not then yes.

if it was at their house and they obviously could have squeezed one more in then yes.

However if it was a small 10-child pay-per-head party then no. They may be on a budget and the child can't invite everyone. He clearly had a list and theyve gone from the top.

The night before is very rude! But phoning and explaining x is sick so we have a spare place, and I thought of little jimmy because they used to play nicely last term is ok.
The fact you know her quite well makes it odd that the mum can’t say something to you to acknowledge you weren’t first tier guests.