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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To press charges against this parent?

643 replies

Rosegarden10 · 10/03/2019 08:39

I've name changed for this as obviously this is very outing.

On Friday, my child attended a school disco. Whilst they were at the school disco, another parent broke into the school and was banging on the hall doors to get in. When she couldnt access the hall she kicked the glass door and broke the window smashing the glass. The children and adults inside were terrified and they had to evacuate the children in an emergency lockdown procedure.

My child (and the majority of the other children) are now traumatised. My child doesnt want to go back to school tomorrow. The police arrived at the scene however it doesnt appear as though they arrested her as she the parent was on the parent WhatsApp group trying to justify her behaviour an hour after the incident.

Can I press charges against this woman for the trauma she has caused my child and the other children? I am so angry!!

OP posts:
IrisAtwood · 10/03/2019 09:45

Why do incidents like this often get blamed on mental health issues? I feel that it gives those with genuine mental health problems a bad name.

Totally agree.

Some people just have very bad tempers and an inability or an unwillingness to control themselves. Nothing to do with mental illness.

TheInvestigator · 10/03/2019 09:45

@Rosegarden10

Omg. That definition applies to the crown prosecution service or the procurator fiscal.

When you report a crime, your are not formally accusing them. You are alleging it happened and needs to.be investigated. Once investigated and proved to have merit, the crown prosecution service will formally press charges so that a trial can take place.

You reporting the incident is not formally pressing charges. You, personally, cannot formally press charges. There is no mechanism for you to do so. So don't call me a fuckwit for explaining how it works because you are wrong.

LonelyandTiredandLow · 10/03/2019 09:45

x post Wolfie Grin

StealthPolarBear · 10/03/2019 09:45

Is everyone who makes threats to kill just being 'silly'? I for one would be taking that sort of thing extremely seriously
I hope her dc are OK.

Hoppinggreen · 10/03/2019 09:46

Is this a reverse OP?
Are you trying to find out if you are in danger of someone pressing charges against you?

LikeDolphinsCanSwim · 10/03/2019 09:46

accuse someone formally of a crime so that they can be brought to trial. That is the dictionary definition of press charges. So all you fuckwits who think I want to sue for money - learn what press charges means.

Not in the UK. You still haven’t told us where you are.

PepsiLola · 10/03/2019 09:46

What was her WhatsApp excuse? Not liking the head teacher? I imagine she and her child will be asked to move schools anyway?

I would have messaged her back on the WhatsApp group rather than flip/sue etc. Surely actually speaking to her and telling her the kids are scared now would have been a better thing to do

IceRebel · 10/03/2019 09:47

Have people missed that she was threatening to kill the head teacher?

We have no clear evidence that this was the case. It could easily have been an older child who said this to add to the drama.

Blindandfrozen · 10/03/2019 09:47

So you want a trial? You want your child and others to have to give statements and potentially give evidence? Over what is a minor criminal offence when all’s said and done? That’s not going to help their trauma

TheInvestigator · 10/03/2019 09:47

All you can do is report the incident to the police.

They will then investigate (if they believe it even needs investigated), a report will be made. If the crown believe a crime has taken place, they will be formally accused and charges filed. Then trial can begin.

But you have no power over that. You will not be pressing charges. You will simply be reporting an incident to the police. After that, it's nothing to do with you.

LakieLady · 10/03/2019 09:48

The parent acted in a manner that caused fear and alarm to your child. Surely, this is a reportable offence?

There is an offence (affray, perhaps?) that includes behaving in a manner that would cause alarm or distress to "a person of reasonable firmness" if they witnessed it, but a similar definition that covered children would be a bit absurd imo.

Kids can be frightened of all sorts of things (my DB went through a phase of being freaked out by men in bib & brace overalls, ffs).

LonelyandTiredandLow · 10/03/2019 09:48

StealthPolarBear we have OP's ranting account of what sounds like a mum kicking a door and children embellishing. If the school were concerned (literally the adults in the room in this scene) they would be dealing with it differently.

MotsDHeureGoussesRames · 10/03/2019 09:48
  1. You are very rude and making a massive spectacle of yourself, for the entertainment of Mumsnet, just because you expected people to agree with you and the vasy majority haven't.
  2. You clearly have a major flair for the dramatic.
  3. You are acting as if it had been a terrorist attack - making her "pay for what she did that night." You sound ridiculous. The woman's behaviour was totally out of order but it WASN'T a traumatising, terrorist incident and the correct way of dealing with it is to reassure your child they are safe. Usually, a parent who has behaved this way will not be allowed back on school premises. The school should provide some reassurance to parents amd children about how it was dealt with. That's it though. No need for a witch hunt or a hand waving, handkerchief to brow dramatics and calls of traumatised children...
StealthPolarBear · 10/03/2019 09:49

I wonder how this thread would have gone if it had been a school dad behaving aggressively and threatening to kill the head teacher.

Wolfiefan · 10/03/2019 09:49

It took until the third page for the OP to mention death threats. Given the hyperbole in the posts I’m guessing this is just hearsay and gossip TBH.

7Pip · 10/03/2019 09:49

Incidentally, there is a crime that she may have committed which is called Affray - google it OP. It's where someone is made to feel in fear of their life as a direct result of the actions of another person.
That it wasn't a terrorist incident is irrelevant to how the children felt during it.

I would suggest your Whatsapp group nominate one person to ask the police to speak to them. If the older ones were genuinely coming out crying having thought it was a terror incident (do you never have the news on at home?) they probably did in fact temporarily fear for their lives.

Frecklesonmyarm · 10/03/2019 09:49

Oh my God are people not reading.

The only information the OP has is from kids. No facts.

She cant explain why a whole school disco was on. Very unusual, because little kids end up getting hurt or are at risk of getting hurt. When kids are all running round.

The woman in question apparently broken reinforced glass, which is very unusual.

The older kids terrified the the younger ones by talking about terrorism.

I suspect, if this even happened, the pp version is a gross exagaration

Blindandfrozen · 10/03/2019 09:50

If she did threaten to kill the head then he/she can report a crime

ILoveBray · 10/03/2019 09:50

This thread is bizarre.

Surely it's up to the school to press charges for criminal damage if that's what they want to do? She did nothing to you or your child OP so there's nothing for you to do.

SpenglerOswald · 10/03/2019 09:51

Ok @Rosegarden10 how much comp-en-say-shun would you like?

JacquesHammer · 10/03/2019 09:51

I wonder how this thread would have gone if it had been a school dad behaving aggressively and threatening to kill the head teacher

My opinion would be the same - not the OP’s business how it is dealt with going forward but assisting my children to work through it positively.

That said the OP is going on hearsay totally, we have no idea what actually happened other than processes to keep kids safe worked.

7Pip · 10/03/2019 09:51

Just see someone else up thread has discussed affray. It would be the only charge that she might get charged with which could carry a potentially hefty sentence.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 10/03/2019 09:52

I wonder how this thread would have gone if it had been a school dad behaving aggressively and threatening to kill the head teacher.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but personally I’d have still asked whether the OP had actual proof of that, or whether it perhaps might be a child over-egging the pudding.

thesnailandthewhale · 10/03/2019 09:53

When I was at primary school or school was broken into during the night - the first we knew of it was when we arrived in the playground to find several police cars and various bits of police tape cordoning areas off.
My memories of it were being shocked at first but then it turned into one of my best school days - we got an extra long playtime in the morning while they were cleaning up / investigating etc,a nice policeman did a talk in the hall for us and the best bit ... our teachers calendar, which was stuck on the wall behind her desk, had f* off written on it and had somehow not been noticed by her, but we all saw it and laughed about it all day :)

We could have been traumatised by the experience, or we could get on with it and see it as a bit of excitement. I imagine this was shaped by the teachers attitude of getting on with it and not making a drama that helped us see it as not a big deal ;)

StealthPolarBear · 10/03/2019 09:53

Hmm OK. Fair enough. I am basing this on the op fair point. But I do think others are rushing in to show how worldly wise they are and minimising it. Like the op, I'd have been horrified.

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