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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To press charges against this parent?

643 replies

Rosegarden10 · 10/03/2019 08:39

I've name changed for this as obviously this is very outing.

On Friday, my child attended a school disco. Whilst they were at the school disco, another parent broke into the school and was banging on the hall doors to get in. When she couldnt access the hall she kicked the glass door and broke the window smashing the glass. The children and adults inside were terrified and they had to evacuate the children in an emergency lockdown procedure.

My child (and the majority of the other children) are now traumatised. My child doesnt want to go back to school tomorrow. The police arrived at the scene however it doesnt appear as though they arrested her as she the parent was on the parent WhatsApp group trying to justify her behaviour an hour after the incident.

Can I press charges against this woman for the trauma she has caused my child and the other children? I am so angry!!

OP posts:
Springwalk · 10/03/2019 09:54

If the head indeed was threatened in this way, it is for the head to report this to the police. NOT you.

You sound like a dramatic nightmare whipping this up into a huge frenzy.

Even if it all happened the way you describe, this a school matter and nothing to do with you.

JacquesHammer · 10/03/2019 09:55

Like the op, I'd have been horrified

Sure, the incident would have been upsetting, but the only way the OP can deal with it is supporting her children positively, not rushing to try and “press charges” which, let’s face it, read as “I want compensation”.

Nannewnannew · 10/03/2019 09:55

As an aside, I have adult female friends, who even now are terrified of the dark, lone men or going in taxis or lifts on their own. One friend will never sleep with her bedroom window cracked open, even during a heatwave, because of the fear of a man getting in, even though she shares her bedroom with her husband and 2 dogs. Another colleague could never take her young children to the park alone, in case there were any paedophiles lurking around. Before I get shot down in flames, yes, I know these things happen, but they are very rare, which is why we hear about them.

I’m trying to say OP, try and reduce the drama to your dc otherwise they will end up with a lifetime of unnecessary fear.

Frecklesonmyarm · 10/03/2019 09:56

If the parent was a man or a woman, it doesnt matter.

Since the story the OP has isn't factual at all

Wolfiefan · 10/03/2019 09:56

@StealthPolarBear it is horrible. But I bet you would be reassuring your child and contacting the school to ask how the kids will be safeguarded from this person in future. Not fuming and wanting them to “pay” and be “locked up”.

7Pip · 10/03/2019 09:56

And ignore the repetition from posters about the correct legal language to use. They all know exactly what you mean. I think (but am not in the legal business) the correct term is to make a complaint. The police inspector will review your statement (or probably the child(ren)'s statements), he will then send it to the CPS for them to review and see what charges they should press (if any).

I think you guys should ask to speak to the school, find out more about what charges are likely to be pressed (I'm sure the teachers there present will be asked to make statements).

Don't assume that she has gotten away with it entirely.

Schuyler · 10/03/2019 09:56

It’s obviously upsetting and scary for those who wer involved but you are ramping up the drama.

FamilyOfAliens · 10/03/2019 09:58

I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't be pissed off if their child came home frightened because a grown adult was banging on school doors, shouting and behaving in a threatening and aggressive manner.

Who said they wouldn’t be pissed off? Did I miss that post?

IceRebel · 10/03/2019 09:59

The police inspector will review your statement

But the OP wasn't there, she didn't witness the event so how can she make a statement about it?

Quartz2208 · 10/03/2019 09:59

From what the OP has said it is a very small school (rural/village) and therefore numbers only make sense if its a whole school.

We had discos recently (4 in all, not such a small school) and havign the school completely locked (from the inside easy to get out if needed) is normal.

OP we recently had an emergency lockdown at our school (just after pick up). The Police were there and there was a real risk that someone with a knife might try and get it. This (without revealing too much) was after someone had been fatally stabbed outside the school. There were obviously a few traumatised children (some of whom had witnessed things).

Now I suspect you need the truth as PP have said first hand accounts often exaggerrate the truth particularly children

How it was dealt with was this. Most parents explained to their children what had happened - do this. Emergency procedures were followed and children kept safe. THe school explained on the Monday all of this.

And the children have moved on.

StealthPolarBear · 10/03/2019 10:00

While I wouldn't go as far as the op I'd be fuming if I felt the woman had got away with it.
And I am resilient. I happily answer the door at any time of the day or night and walk to hotels from stations in any city centre. Part of that resilience comes from knowing criminal behaviour is dealt with.

StealthPolarBear · 10/03/2019 10:00

In my world anyway. Sounds like this sort of thing is fairly frequent for some of you.

7Pip · 10/03/2019 10:00

I was explaining the procedure. The police inspector will review the statement made by whomsoever it be made - that better?

Motherofcreek · 10/03/2019 10:01

I can see why Op is getting frustrated by some of the responses on here.

I’d be really annoyed at this situation. The women sounds unhinged

PortiaCastis · 10/03/2019 10:01

Why were age 4-11 all together as that seems rather odd and is there a fire exit or is a locked door the only exit

Motherofcreek · 10/03/2019 10:01

What response is she getting off the watsap group?

Wolfiefan · 10/03/2019 10:02

It’s all hearsay though. Who knows exactly what happened and why? We don’t.
Not worth fuming. Comfort your child OP and have a word with the school.

Motherofcreek · 10/03/2019 10:03

Why were age 4-11 all together as that seems rather odd and is there a fire exit or is a locked door the only exit

Totally irrelevant. Ffs. I’m sure people just post to wind people up

PlatypusPie · 10/03/2019 10:04

I witnessed an unpleasant road rage incident near my DDs school on the way to pick up. Witnessed, as in I was later asked to make a statement to the police as both parties had later cross accused the other of making racial slurs. Neither had - there had been a lot of aggressive shouting and swearing but nothing physical and no kind of racial epithet that I heard and it was right in front of me. Another mother, usefully a trained bouncer, had intervened and got them both to back off and go on their way ( awesome to see that training and skill in action, btw) .

It was a sudden , alarming incident but no children ( apart from toddlers in buggies) witnessed it. I continued into the school to collect my DDs and in that short time the rumour mill amongst the other collecting parents had turned it into punches being thrown, the pair being dragged off by the police ( who hadn’t even turned up at this point) , and my yr6 DD coming out saying “ I heard someone just got run over outside the school ?”

Totally bonkers and a real lesson to me in the power and speed of rumour - and people’s relish in drama.

JacquesHammer · 10/03/2019 10:04

In my world anyway. Sounds like this sort of thing is fairly frequent for some of you

Yes that’s absolutely why we have a different opinion.

Part of that resilience comes from knowing criminal behaviour is dealt with

I wasn’t talking about resilience for an adult. I was talking about it for a child. All the child needs to know is “x happened, school dealt with it and kept you safe and they’ll be working really hard to ensure it doesn’t happen again”.

But given the OP seems keen to whip herself into an utter frenzy rather than wait to hear actually what happened, as at the moment she’s basing the whole incident on what her child heard from an older child.

7Pip · 10/03/2019 10:04

For all the frothing at the mouth posters here, it is likely that she will face several charges. I suspect the school will brief all the parents somehow on Monday. The teachers present at the time will be asked to make statements in the first instance I would presume.

In the interim, just reassure your DC that they were never in danger and that the woman was just being silly. When she goes back to school on Monday, the excitement chatting about the drama will soon calm them down. I wouldn't worry about long term implications of it.

Holidayshopping · 10/03/2019 10:04

You want her locked up so she can pay for what she’s done?! You are the one that sounds irrational here.

I’m amazed the children could hear anything whilst they were in a dark hall with the blinds down and a disco going on, to be honest!

What did she say on the WhatsApp group to justify herself? You have been asked this repeatedly!

Poloshot · 10/03/2019 10:05

The police/the school would decide whether to charge her with breaking and entering, threatening behaviour, criminal damage that type of thing, what do you want her charged with for scaring your child?

Janleverton · 10/03/2019 10:05

I would also be horrified and actually couldn’t care less what the woman’s side to the story is. You just don’t go hammering on school doors to the extent of kicking in glass. No matter what.

FWIW at our school when there is a disco the main door to the hall from the reception area is closed. There are other side doors that are not accessible from the reception, that lead to areas with loos/cloakroom (and also to fire escape routes) that are manned by parent volunteers during the event, so they can keep an eye on the children coming and going to the loo etc. Parents are not allowed in the hall. This is to allow the school staff and volunteers to maintain safety for the children and to ensure that when the event ends, they are handed to the named adult collecting them rather than potentially having any old Tom, dick or Harry coming into the hall.

So if this had happened at my dcs school it would have been a question of the parent kicking the main doors to the hall, but there would still have been a safe means of escape in the case of fire out of the school, via the fire doors (which open outwards and are alarmed), to the back of the school.

I would downplay it to the dcs but would hope that the school do pursue the parent being investigated by the police with regards to criminal damage.

Frecklesonmyarm · 10/03/2019 10:06

No said she shouldn't be annoyed. Or it may not have been scary or they would be fine with it.

What I would do is reassure my child that older children just got a bit scared and she wasnt in any danger and spend the weekend reassuring the child.

I would then speak to school to find out what happened. I would accept that I couldnt have her charged. Want to know what the school was going to do. And move on.

But yes I would be annoyed.

The woman is very unlikely to have broken reinforced glass. There lots of exaggeration in this story.