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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To press charges against this parent?

643 replies

Rosegarden10 · 10/03/2019 08:39

I've name changed for this as obviously this is very outing.

On Friday, my child attended a school disco. Whilst they were at the school disco, another parent broke into the school and was banging on the hall doors to get in. When she couldnt access the hall she kicked the glass door and broke the window smashing the glass. The children and adults inside were terrified and they had to evacuate the children in an emergency lockdown procedure.

My child (and the majority of the other children) are now traumatised. My child doesnt want to go back to school tomorrow. The police arrived at the scene however it doesnt appear as though they arrested her as she the parent was on the parent WhatsApp group trying to justify her behaviour an hour after the incident.

Can I press charges against this woman for the trauma she has caused my child and the other children? I am so angry!!

OP posts:
Windowsareforcheaters · 10/03/2019 19:00

@sleepalldays read the thread. That conversation has been done and sorted.

ValeurNutritive · 10/03/2019 19:04

@LakieLadu

[re. Affray]

But that person has to be "a person of reasonable firmness" and I doubt if 100 or so 4-11 year olds would meet that test! Iirc, it also has to to take place in a public place, and I'm not sure a locked school hall would qualify either.

No one of 'reasonable firmness' need actually be present at the scene. If this woman's actions could cause a hypothetical person of reasonable firmness to fear for their safety, that element of the offence is made out.

And the offence can be committed either on public or private property.

See section 3 of the public order act.

HeckyPeck · 10/03/2019 19:54

You should have pretended it was a crazed dad OP then you would have had very different responses!

Frecklesonmyarm · 10/03/2019 19:55

Yeah, if it had been crazed man, no one would have spotted the huge holes in the ops story.

CJsGoldfish · 10/03/2019 20:07

Hmmm, I want to know WHY a parent was banging on the door for so long that everyone was 'terrified' and 'traumatised'.

When she first started 'banging', I assume she was knocking. When noone heard, I can see that she'd bang louder. Why did no one check who was at the door?

Sounds like everyone over reacted.

If I had to reach my child in an emergency and there was apparently no staff around and child was locked IN a room, I'm pretty sure I'd be banging on the door as well, expecting someone to come let me in.

The children will pick up their cues from the adults and if there are a bunch of over dramatic parents feeding off each other and making a huge deal over this I cannot imagine what it's doing to the children.

Was this a 'silent disco' btw?

7Pip · 10/03/2019 20:31

Glad to hear you've had communication from the school OP. If you don't know exactly what went on, what happened, what 'went down' as such, it's going to be hard to console a little one.
You can just tell them that the silly woman is gone to jail (sorry, but that's what I'd tell mine!). Ok, maybe say that she was just being angry, it was not acceptable and the police have told her off! (Even young children understand what unacceptable is and what a telling off is. Mine also know what time out is. Second parenting fail! Grin )

I'm sorry that people seemed so annoyed with you OP. I have no idea why exactly. You don't hit any of the 'annoying' tickboxes for me. I can only assume that they hadn't had coffee and it spiralled.

I'm happy the school has communicated. Rest assured, that everything happened as it should have, the school should be commended for their actions. I know your gripe is with this woman for scaring your child a a kids disco. I hope it's dealt with appropriately.

Bluntness100 · 10/03/2019 20:57

You can just tell them that the silly woman is gone to jail

Are you drunk? You do grasp its one of the school mums, so they will see thr kid and know she's not went to jail and likely see rhe mum too at pick up time ,

Are you so drunk you're now raving that you'd tell your kid a lie that would be disproven the very next day? I mean seriously?

ValeurNutritive · 10/03/2019 21:12

You should have pretended it was a crazed dad OP then you would have had very different responses!
This. And unfortunately we've had a few too many of mumsnet's amateur detectives and legal advisors. Hope you get some clarity tomorrow OP.

furrybadger · 10/03/2019 21:18

Wow Hmm 🤦🏽‍♀️

anniehm · 10/03/2019 21:24

As the police knew who she was and ascertained she wasn't a threat they would not arrest but that doesn't mean she won't be charged. It's up to the cps to decide if there's sufficient evidence, if the school wishes to pursue (as they had the monetary loss) and whether it's worth the courts time - in property matters it's actually common for charges to be set aside if repairs are paid for.

Frecklesonmyarm · 10/03/2019 21:32

As the police knew who she was and ascertained she wasn't a threat they would not arrest but that doesn't mean she won't be charged

Yes she would have if the school initiated lockdown and evacuation. Because it would have been treated as a major incident.

And apparently there were threats to kill.

7Pip · 10/03/2019 21:54

Well Freckles, you seem to know more than the Mum in this case!

Mmmhmmm · 10/03/2019 23:37

If the woman really did make death threats and break into the school then I'm also shocked she wasn't arrested. If it played out that way, then she should be charged for several things.

It's really the tone of the OP throughout most of her posts that has garnered the mocking comments. Sorry OP but you come across as a bit of a drama llama.

But just because someone is a natural drama queen doesn't mean they can't sometimes be faced/involved (even loosely) with a serious problem or crisis IRL.

I should know since my Mother is a natural drama queen, but she did really almost die in labour, she was once briefly kidnapped, she was traumatised from finding her father dead...BUT she can still make a mere coincidence like 2 friends getting credit card fraud after shopping at the same store into a conspiracy theory about how her BFF is mad at her and has a friend that works at the store so it's obvs about my Mother really. Hmm True fucking story. 🙊🙈

ballsdeep · 10/03/2019 23:40

Am I the only one wondering if it was a silent disco?! How on earth anyone can hear external banging and shouting through a disco is beyond me 😂

Beeziekn33ze · 11/03/2019 00:04

Buggeroff - Yes, I assumed the children were evacuated from the hall then put into lockdown elsewhere.

Pip - Yes, one dinnertime. About 300 children 7-11 out playing. A van approached at speed, stopped outside the school and there was lots of shouting. Several men in black were leaping out with long bags and jumping over garden walls. One ran into the playground and shouted 'Armed police, get the children indoors.' So we blew whistles, told the children to go straight to their classrooms then locked the outside doors.
The police were looking for people who'd just done an armed robbery.
They left after about 20 minutes. I don't remember any upset children. We just all knew that we had to get inside.

ScarletBitch · 11/03/2019 00:09

If the Police spoke to her and no arrests were made, then no law has been broken.

Yes the Children were scared, but OP you are crazy if you think you can press charges.
You have been nothing but rude to all on this thread. Stop being such a drama queen and get a grip.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 11/03/2019 00:16

You can’t press charges but I’d be asking the governors whether safe guarding is good if someone can break in so easily

aurynne · 11/03/2019 00:20

I think both you and your DCs could benefit from learning the difference between "scary" and "traumatising". Otherwise you will be raising an extremely emotionally vulnerable person who will be open to severe trauma repeatedly during her life.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 11/03/2019 00:24

You've jumped from angry parent to terrorist attack in a few updates.

Jesus a parent kicked off and the kids got a bit scared in the heat of the moment, hardly the crime of the century.

Send your child to school tomorrow as normal and after a couple of days they'll be fine.

As for pressing charges, what exactly are you pressing charges against? No crime has been committed against you.

AhoyDelBoy · 11/03/2019 00:41

Honestly @Rosegarden10 your last update makes you sound like a child running off to tell tales to Mummy. I’m tellllllllllinnngggggg onnnnn youuuuuuu. It’s hilarious.

LaBelleSauvage · 11/03/2019 01:46

Does anyone else feel like OP is banging the door and breaking the glass of what is... figuratively ... the school disco of mumsnet?

UterusUterusGhali · 11/03/2019 01:57

She must be very unwell. Is she getting help?
I imagine the teachers are desperately trying to reach safeguarding help on a weekend (near on impossible ime)

Is her child safe?

BadLad · 11/03/2019 03:37

I'd like to think if there was a crazed angry woman breaking through windows and threatening to kill someone, that I wouldn't just offer her tea and cake!

Nah, that would call for a cream egg.

BadLad · 11/03/2019 03:45

If it helps, me and my lovely dp are at my best friends. Having a get together, while discussing this thread and having a chuckle.

Really? You're at your best friend's house, with your DP, and you're having an argument on mumsnet?

HappilyHarridan · 11/03/2019 04:03

Op of you had just asked for advice on how you can support your daughter and help her to process this you would have had very different responses. It was leaping straight to ‘pressing charges’ that set the tone for the thread as it sounded like your focus was on taking out a court case which isn’t necessarily a brilliant idea.