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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To press charges against this parent?

643 replies

Rosegarden10 · 10/03/2019 08:39

I've name changed for this as obviously this is very outing.

On Friday, my child attended a school disco. Whilst they were at the school disco, another parent broke into the school and was banging on the hall doors to get in. When she couldnt access the hall she kicked the glass door and broke the window smashing the glass. The children and adults inside were terrified and they had to evacuate the children in an emergency lockdown procedure.

My child (and the majority of the other children) are now traumatised. My child doesnt want to go back to school tomorrow. The police arrived at the scene however it doesnt appear as though they arrested her as she the parent was on the parent WhatsApp group trying to justify her behaviour an hour after the incident.

Can I press charges against this woman for the trauma she has caused my child and the other children? I am so angry!!

OP posts:
QuinionsRainbow · 10/03/2019 12:17

*Let me just reiterate - none of the parents were there. It was a drop off and go disco.

The kids in that disco ranged from reception to year 6.

The blinds in the hall were down as it was a disco and they needed it dark!! Obviously!!!*

Do "rising fives" and eleven year olds really have the same entertainment requirements?

Frecklesonmyarm · 10/03/2019 12:18

No because they were primary school children. What a bizarre non-sequeture.

But her child has still been traumatised. Which is why she wants someone to pay. Regardless of how, her child is traumatised.

She said she wants revenge. Where does that end?

7Pip · 10/03/2019 12:18

I have unfortunately been involved in reporting crimes (DV) and as I said upthread, a friend was charged with affray for attempting suicide in the presence of a housemate.

I would say it's highly likely this woman will be charged with something, if not several things.

Hoppinggreen · 10/03/2019 12:19

DS had a minor accident at school that involved an ambulance being called . Y6 dd was told by lots of people in her year that her brother was dead- she actually had to be taken down to see him before she would believe he wasn’t (they were waiting for me to arrive) so just occasionally kids can be a bit dramatic
Can you imagine the conversation
OP - hello Police? I would like to press charges
Officer - yes madam what happened?
OP - some 11year olds said there was a terrorist attack during the school disco
officer - I think we would have heard about that
OP- there wasn’t, it was some crazed parent
Officer - yes we are dealing with that
OP - yes but my child was frightened
Officer - By the crazy lady?
OP - no, by what the 10/11 year olds said
Officer - so you want to press charges against them?
OP - NO FUCK OFF DONT YOU LISTEN? (Random clapping)

PinaColada1 · 10/03/2019 12:19

I think that the school themselves need to inform all the parents of what happened and who it was dealt with.

If it were me, I’d be worried about a repeat incident and also concerned that there was no communication from the school.

7Pip · 10/03/2019 12:20

I think the OP was probably annoyed that the woman was on Whatsapp an hour later defending herself. Why the police made the decision not to arrest her, who knows!

Frecklesonmyarm · 10/03/2019 12:21

that some of the older kids were crying, that police were called to the incident, that the disco was shut down and parents were called to collect the children.

The children may have been crying because others were saying it was terrorism

The police may have been called because thats procedure

The woman may have the police because she couldnt get into the school to get her own child.

The disco may have been shut down because after some kids started saying it could terrorists and the woman was threatening to kill, it was the best action

Or a thousand other reasons. The fact is the OP doensnt know but is determined to get revenge and make this woman pay. Without actually knowing what happened.

Splodgetastic · 10/03/2019 12:22

It sounds like a public order offence, possibly affray, but perhaps the police dealt with it already. Maybe she has taken some out of court method of disposal such as a conditional caution.

Frecklesonmyarm · 10/03/2019 12:22

Why the police made the decision not to arrest her, who knows!

There could be tons or reasons, including that it didn't happen this way.

Isitsixoclockalready · 10/03/2019 12:23

Amazing how many people are blasé about what happened.

7Pip · 10/03/2019 12:25

Splodge, if she wasn't arrested and questioned, she can't have accepted a caution, as she would have had to have been questioned with a solicitor present (unless she refused that right), admitted guilt and then be cautioned.

7Pip · 10/03/2019 12:26

I think they just hadn't had their morning coffee when the thread started @Isitsixoclockalready

Huggybear16 · 10/03/2019 12:26

As the OP said (IN BIG SHOUTY LETTERS), she wasn't there. So even she doesn't know what really happened.

clairemcnam · 10/03/2019 12:27

This would be scary for kids yes.
But kids on schools do over dramatise things. I have seen a small incident with kids becoming a major one as they talk about it. They enjoy the drama.
But whether this was a major incident or not, your job is to make it seem smaller and less scary to your child. Not to talk it up and make it seem more dramatic.
And talking it up means less resilient kids who can not deal with things or make an enormous drama out of things.

7Pip · 10/03/2019 12:29

Next we'll have posters vomiting around corners because the OP said the f word.

clairemcnam · 10/03/2019 12:30

ISITSIXOCLOCKALREADY I am not blase. But I know how kids operate in schools. It was not a terrorist attack. No kids were on any danger.
I have had scary things happen to me as an adult where no one got hurt.
The mentally healthiest way of dealing with this stuff is to acknowledge fear, but to acknowledge that no one got hurt and everything was fine in the end. That goes for kids as well. Blowing it up and using dramatic language such as trauma, does not help the kids involved.

7Pip · 10/03/2019 12:30

And the BIGGEST CRIME OF THEM ALL? SHE USED ALL CAPS!
Bitch.

Frecklesonmyarm · 10/03/2019 12:30

Amazing how many people are blasé about what happened.

They arent. They just recognise that a school full of over excited children are not the best eye witnesses.

Bluntness100 · 10/03/2019 12:30

But the police judged that she didn’t commit an offence

Exactly, so this would strongly indicate she did not smash any glass, she did not threaten to kill the head, she may have got angry and been banging on the door, but if she'd been smashing shit up, threatening to kill the head, the kids having to be escorted out on lock down and parents called due to it, then this woman would not have been chatting on what's app an hour later, she'd have been being assessed.

As such, it's over exaggerated bullshit.

7Pip · 10/03/2019 12:33

@Bluntness100
So you think the OP/her DH wasn't called to collect her child due to an incident taking place at the school disco?
Lol, she really just made this whole thing up?

clairemcnam · 10/03/2019 12:33

And the police decided not to arrest her. That is probably because it was far less dramatic than portrayed by the kids or the OP on here.
Far more likely - angry woman comes to the school to speak to Head. Wants to get into school to speak to Head but is not allowed in. Bangs on glass to try and get attention of staff to say she wants in. Glass breaks.
Yes I can see kids being scared by an angry mother. But I can also see why police would not arrest her.

7Pip · 10/03/2019 12:34

Well maybe she's married to a copper or something. Because that would get me arrested!

caughtinanet · 10/03/2019 12:35

I see the usual posters who think that all schools are the same as theirs are out, there's nothing unusual about whole schools discos or locked doors, some people need to get out more.

I'm concerned about the OP's children who are being brought up with a totally unrealistic view on danger and risk assessment.

Dunblane was over 20 years ago, how many documented cases have there been of anyone trying to get into school with a gun since then?

How many terrorist attacks have been perpetrated on schools in the UK ever?

Your view of the world is skewed.

Frecklesonmyarm · 10/03/2019 12:35

So you think the OP/her DH wasn't called to collect her child due to an incident taking place at the school disco?

She may have been. But because a load of kids had started declaring it was terrorism, the kids became upset and it seemed better to end it right there and then.

Let's say it was far less dramatic. Kids were upset due to the gossip from older kids. Would you suggest the school just continued the disco, instead of contacting parents?

Bluntness100 · 10/03/2019 12:36

Lol, she really just made this whole thing up?

Over exaggerated does not mean made the whole thing up. Honestly use a dictionary if you can't understand what over exaggerated means because I really cannot be arsed today.

Google will do it for you.