WIBU to have my dog PTS? (Possibly upsetting)

[DistraughtDogLover]

I have name changed for this but have been a member here for many years. I just need some perspective on this. This is very long and I will try and cut down whilst still giving all relevant info. I am absolutely devastated at the way my ex-friends and my neighbours have been behaving and I need to know if IABU as they all seem to think.

In Dec 17 we got a puppy. We loved her very much. Took her to socialisation, training classes, practised every day. She was always strong willed and boisterous but responded well to training and consistency and was just a normal puppy.

In March 18, my DH got very sick and nearly died. He spent 2 weeks in Intensive Care and I was told to expect the worst. During this time we used a dog walker every day and friends/neighbours took her out a lot for me as I was at the hospital or dealing with work/children (age 8 and 10 at the time). A couple of them expressed concern about the dog, saying she was wobbly on her legs. I took her straight to the vet who said she seemed fine and was probably over exercise.

May 18 - husband had been home a month, incredibly weak but alive and slowly gaining strength. Had the puppy spayed and asked them to do x-rays at the same time as I was also getting concerned. Turns out she had a very severe case of hip dysplasia in both hips and needed both replaced. We were referred to an orthopaedic surgeon who said he wanted to wait til she was more fully grown and to manage with daily physio and meds. We did this. We worked with two physios and practised exercises every day. She was only allowed 2x 20 min walks per day.

June 18 - she started refusing her training and becoming disobedient and very hard work. We took her to a behaviourist who worked with us but things didn’t improve. I was doing the bulk of this as DH still recuperating. She was snatching things from the children and grazed one of their friends on the cheek with her teeth snatching a ball. She began to target my oldest child and ripped his clothes, drew blood with her claws. I couldn’t ever allow them to be left alone and they were not allowed friends over as I couldn’t guarantee their safety without shutting the dog away.

July 18 - still doing daily physio and meds, still trying daily training but she was regressing and forgot what to do/refused to do anything. Got a second behaviourist in to help but they finally spoke sense and said she was bored and frustrated and in pain and needed surgery. Ortho surgeon and vet consulted. Now couldn’t leave dog alone with either child as she couldn’t be trusted. She was very rarely left alone and never for long but destroyed door frames, skirting boards, walls, furniture, sofas, chewed through the garden fence and escaped. She bit me on the arm twice. I was so worried about her around the children that I contacted Dogs Trust and several local charities and breeder to discuss rehoming her with someone without children but was advised nobody could/would help due to her health problems.

Aug 18 - all still being managed. MRI scan booked to start pre-op prep. One day I must have taken my eyes off her for a second and heard blood curdling screaming - she had pushed my oldest son to the floor and had bitten him on the stomach, ripped his clothes and drawn blood. As I tried to restrain her and pull her away, she jumped up and bit me hard on the side of my waist. I needed my husband to help me restrain her. We were all badly shaken and I said I couldn’t manage her around the children. I called the vet for advice and he said if nobody would rehome her then we either push ahead with surgery and hope it stopped the behaviour or have her PTS. I called several charities to help but nobody would have her due to health plus now aggression. We made the difficult decision to have her PTS. It was heartbreaking. I have never felt so guilty in my life. I couldn’t risk her hurting the children again. I cried every day for weeks feeling I could have done more or should have handled it differently.

In October 18, we had the feeling we’d been “dumped” and people were acting oddly. We then had several cruel messages from people we believed were friends and some neighbours - the general gist of them was “you’re evil puppy killers, nobody wants anything to do with you” and “there was nothing wrong with the puppy, you just couldn’t be bothered with her so lied to the vet to have her PTS.” My best friend of 20 years messaged me to say our friendship was over as she didn’t know who I was any more to do something so awful. After such a terrible year, my mental health hit rock bottom and I tried to hurt myself as I believed they must be right that I am evil. Our neighbours blank us in the street or swear at us under their breath if we walk past.

We have just got ourselves a 4 year old rescue dog as our house feels so empty. We feel we were a loving family who wanted it to work so much. He is such a lovely boy, we have all fallen in love with him and he’s shown us how difficult our first dog had been. Obviously seeing us out with a new dog has renewed the level of hatred they all feel and this week I have had more abusive messages about the dog saying that we are parading our new dog in their faces when they’re all so upset and it’s confirmed everything they believe about me. It has put me in a mental health crisis and I don’t know what to do. I have lost all my friends and have nobody to talk to. Nobody has EVER asked me what happened or asked why we made the decision to PTS. They have no facts at all. I’m so distraught. Am I an awful person? I feel I put the safety of my children first and I would do the same again.

OP I honestly love dogs but some people put them on a level with kids e.g. whoever wrote: You had a young dog destroyed rather than trying surgery You tried to rehome after the first child attack, it was good of you to do so, horrible the dog had problems but a dog that attacks children sadly does have to be pts. Your 'friends that can't see it will never see it and never understand. You did NOTHING wrong and I cannot reiterate it enough

You did the right thing by the dog. This was the perfect storm of problems. Chronic pain and disability (because the hip dysplasia won’t have permitted the dog to develop proper muscle to support herself, so the problems become exacerbated), very limited exercise for months and months (which in itself is enough to drive even a healthy dog crazy) and extreme aggression despite your best efforts at training and managing the situation.

I have a dog who is heading in a similar direction. He has elbow dysplasia and gastrointestinal problems. He has had operations and treatments, limited exercise, etc but still have periods where he is very lame. He is just 2yo but he was always dog aggressive on lead and he is now starting to attack the other dogs in the household for no reason. He is also a GSD which doesn’t help matters. Had he shown aggression towards people he would have been at the vets the same day. I am still trying with him because his behaviour is still, a bit, contained.

These people are bonkers. . Do you have the option to move? I think you should put your mental health above these people and start again. This could also affect your dcs friendship if not.

For Christ’s sake it’s a dog. It was aggressive and attacked your children. You did the right thing, but should’ve done it after the first time it attacked anyone.

You did the right thing.

A dog showing that much pain and aggression has very poor quality of life. I sometimes think too many people keep their pets alive for their own benefit - as a responsible pet owner it's your responsibility to make their decision and I think you did the right thing for your dog.

It's not easy, but sometimes people need to face the reality. A young dog in incredible amounts of pain who needs lifelong treatment and who has shown aggression is not a happy dog. Who is, realistically, going to rehome a dog with those kinds of issues?

It was kinder and nobler to put the dog to sleep. I'm so sorry people have made you feel like an uncaring owner

There are some very, very odd people with really fucked up priorities in the OP's life and on here.

Dictating the length of time that should pass before OP gets another dog? Really? Saying she should never have another dog? Really? WTF?

OP followed the advice of vets and dog behaviourists, tried to find a suitable rescue centre and when all those options failed, made a decision for the safety of her children and to prevent the dog living in pain for any longer.

OP, you poor thing - it must have been heartbreaking to have to do this, but you did the right thing for your children and your dog.

So sorry that your neighbours and some of the posters on here have such a warped sense of what's right.

It's terribly sad. But you absolutely did the right thing.

I personally think you did the right thing

The dog was more likely to be in a lot of pain and with her boredom, frustrated

It was better for her to be pts than to languish in kennels, possibly there forever

You did nothing wrong. You did the only thing you could

I remember when I went to have my Jack Russell pts.

Both my Nan and mum said I was doing it because I had gotten a new puppy.

I made my Nan (my mum refused) to come and see him to say goodbye.

Once she saw him, she realised that he was in a bad state and I was putting him to sleep for him not for me.

She soon took her words back and apologised

You need new friends. TBH I would have pts earlier. We have a dog with dysplasia on both hips, we looked into the surgery and gave it a lot of thought and discussion with a specialist vet. Insurance would have paid. Recovery is bloody hard on the dog. There is no way I'm keeping a working cocker spaniel crated for weeks, then more weeks not allowed off lead only to repeat for the other side. IMO that would be unbelievably cruel to a very lively dog. He is closely monitored by a vet a d has pain relief as necessary. We have accepted he probably won't get to be an old dog but while he's with us he can be a dog not a prisoner. Same would apply to a lab, they are no couch potatoes.

Was the dog from a breeder or a rescue? And did you contact them to seek help and support?

Of course you did the right thing. We have an elderly dog andshes showing signs of arthritis in her hips. We'd never put her through surgery, we've had her years but we rescued her after a very rough and heartbreaking start to her life.
To operate on ours would be selfish and for us alone,she wouldn't cope with it all. Sometimes the kinder thing is to do what you did.

I can't believe the posters on here that are being unkind and think they know better than the qualified vets that have posted.

Your neighbours are nutters, OP. Find friends who aren't crazy.

Hisbetterhalf

From the op:

"I contacted Dogs Trust and several local charities and breeder to discuss rehoming her with someone without children but was advised nobody could/would help due to her health problems."

Wow. I am a huge dog lover and do not usually believe in putting to sleep unless the alternative is a painful natural death. However, it sounds like your poor dog was really suffering, and with aggression towards your children on top of that, it does sound like you made the right decision. Your friends and neighbours sound unhinged!

The safety of your children was way more important than the life of your dog.

You did the right thing OP. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

This whole incident says way more about your 'friends' than it does about you OP. Are they all 12 or something? You had to make a tough decision and they weren't there. One of my friend's dogs had a horrible, avoidable accident which resulted in its death. She was devastated and I was very sorry for her. That was all I felt and believe me, all that any of us felt, as far as I know. Because we are all just humans doing our best. Enjoy your new dog and try and get out and meet some new people when you feel you can.

Of course you did the right thing. Sometimes , as my vet once said to me , death is not the worst thing that can happen to an animal . Living in constant pain and fear is . Having hip surgery on both hips is a major thing . My friends dog had it done one after the other and only now is he getting back to himself , and the last surgery was two years ago. He was temperamental getting through it , and he’s the softest least aggressive lab I know , so I cant think how bad your girl would have been. You did absolutely the best you could do , in the circumstances.

And those saying it’s too soon, well bollocks to that . They don’t get to choose , they don’t know you . FWIW , they’d hate me . We lost our treasured greyhound girl a fortnight ago . We’re currently looking at another now , because our greyhound boy is lonely . Is two weeks too soon? Sod them , they’re idiots .

TO be honest as a person working in the veterinary world if I'm really honest I'm not sure id put a dog through double hip replacement in the first place. I worked and have seen these patients and it's tough going. No way would I put a dog through it who potentially could then be passed from home to home. Even with replacement the dog would become arthritic etc, never a pain free life.

Did you really not read the thread, the op said that she had tried to find a rescue that could/would help!!!

How on earth do your friends and neighbours know about the dog being PTS and the circumstances? . Did you FB about it or something?

She probably was indeed bored and frustrated and in pain. That would not have eased up quickly with surgery of that nature, given the recovery period necessary.

You tried to get her rehomed - very sensible - but that was no go. You cannot have an aggressive dog around children, and if the only way to keep the children safe was potentially making the dog more bored and frustrated then you were between a rock and a hard place.

Sometimes PTS is not the worst option.

I am sorry people have been so judgemental and I hope you enjoy many happy years with your new dog.

OP, I hope you do come back and read when you feel a little stronger. I completely understand your position and why you did what you did. I’ve been through none of the trauma you have, but we adopted an older lab three years ago. I loved him with all my heart, as did the rest of the family. He settled with us, and clearly relished family life, but as his true personality came out, it became obvious that he’d had his growl ‘trained out’, and his first line of defence was to bite.

As he became arthritic and sore, we just couldn’t predict when he would go for us. We helped him through several cancer ops, but when it got to a diagnosis of an internal tumour that would require invasive investigations and stays away from home, we let nature run its course, and ended his life when it became too much. In all honesty I know I might have fought harder if he hadn’t been snappy and sometimes I allow myself to feel guilty, but I know that he knew nothing about what happened, he went to sleep quietly in my lap, and that we did the best we could.

In real life, I’d never tell people that his snappy behaviour was part of my decision, because they wouldn’t have understood my perspective when weighing everything up. And I’m guessing your friends don’t truly understand that either. They don’t feel the stress of living day to day with a dog you love, and would do anything for, but fundamentally can’t trust.

I don’t know what you do to communicate this to your friends. I don’t know if you ever really can, but maybe talk to one or two individually, and see if you can help them see your perspective

Op
What an awful time you’ve had. I’m
Glad your DH has got better.

I love dogs more than most people and wpild have probably pushed for surgery asap. But it sounds like you were not an experienced dog owner and quite understandably relied on others, even less surprising when you factor in your DHs serious illness you probably had neither the mental or physical strength to cope with anything else.

You tried your best and when things got dangerous you made a not unreasonable decision for your family.

When not chasing toilet rolls labs are big powerful dogs and actually the dogs responsible for the most dog bites in the UK.

Quite frankly based on the information you have told us these people are bat shit.

To add - we had a rescue dog when I was younger. Soon after adopting him he showed agressive behaviour (was given all clear by vets) and we had training, behaviourists, exercise, toys, oh my God we tried everything. He was a collie cross.

The aggression got worse and he would go for other dogs for no reason - happily playing, then it's like a switch would go. We muzzled him and did the best we could to keep him calm and happy.

One day I was playing fetch with the dog and he - totally out the blue, he'd NEVER been aggressive toward me - went for me. He latched onto my hand and broke 3 of my fingers, puncturing the skin. The bones were sticking out at right angles.

I calmly called an ambulance.

My mother (unbeknownst to me) took the dog to the vets while I was having surgery and the vet said he should be PTS. I was devestated.

Now, years and years later, we should have had him PTS a lot earlier.

I foster dogs now and have a great deal of experience with animals, (and never had any problems with aggression) so I can see in hindsight what a dangerous dog we had and it was just a matter of time until he hurt someone. I'm just glad he hurt me and not someone else.

You did the right thing. It's sad and awful but who knows what you averted