WIBU to have my dog PTS? (Possibly upsetting)

[DistraughtDogLover]

I have name changed for this but have been a member here for many years. I just need some perspective on this. This is very long and I will try and cut down whilst still giving all relevant info. I am absolutely devastated at the way my ex-friends and my neighbours have been behaving and I need to know if IABU as they all seem to think.

In Dec 17 we got a puppy. We loved her very much. Took her to socialisation, training classes, practised every day. She was always strong willed and boisterous but responded well to training and consistency and was just a normal puppy.

In March 18, my DH got very sick and nearly died. He spent 2 weeks in Intensive Care and I was told to expect the worst. During this time we used a dog walker every day and friends/neighbours took her out a lot for me as I was at the hospital or dealing with work/children (age 8 and 10 at the time). A couple of them expressed concern about the dog, saying she was wobbly on her legs. I took her straight to the vet who said she seemed fine and was probably over exercise.

May 18 - husband had been home a month, incredibly weak but alive and slowly gaining strength. Had the puppy spayed and asked them to do x-rays at the same time as I was also getting concerned. Turns out she had a very severe case of hip dysplasia in both hips and needed both replaced. We were referred to an orthopaedic surgeon who said he wanted to wait til she was more fully grown and to manage with daily physio and meds. We did this. We worked with two physios and practised exercises every day. She was only allowed 2x 20 min walks per day.

June 18 - she started refusing her training and becoming disobedient and very hard work. We took her to a behaviourist who worked with us but things didn’t improve. I was doing the bulk of this as DH still recuperating. She was snatching things from the children and grazed one of their friends on the cheek with her teeth snatching a ball. She began to target my oldest child and ripped his clothes, drew blood with her claws. I couldn’t ever allow them to be left alone and they were not allowed friends over as I couldn’t guarantee their safety without shutting the dog away.

July 18 - still doing daily physio and meds, still trying daily training but she was regressing and forgot what to do/refused to do anything. Got a second behaviourist in to help but they finally spoke sense and said she was bored and frustrated and in pain and needed surgery. Ortho surgeon and vet consulted. Now couldn’t leave dog alone with either child as she couldn’t be trusted. She was very rarely left alone and never for long but destroyed door frames, skirting boards, walls, furniture, sofas, chewed through the garden fence and escaped. She bit me on the arm twice. I was so worried about her around the children that I contacted Dogs Trust and several local charities and breeder to discuss rehoming her with someone without children but was advised nobody could/would help due to her health problems.

Aug 18 - all still being managed. MRI scan booked to start pre-op prep. One day I must have taken my eyes off her for a second and heard blood curdling screaming - she had pushed my oldest son to the floor and had bitten him on the stomach, ripped his clothes and drawn blood. As I tried to restrain her and pull her away, she jumped up and bit me hard on the side of my waist. I needed my husband to help me restrain her. We were all badly shaken and I said I couldn’t manage her around the children. I called the vet for advice and he said if nobody would rehome her then we either push ahead with surgery and hope it stopped the behaviour or have her PTS. I called several charities to help but nobody would have her due to health plus now aggression. We made the difficult decision to have her PTS. It was heartbreaking. I have never felt so guilty in my life. I couldn’t risk her hurting the children again. I cried every day for weeks feeling I could have done more or should have handled it differently.

In October 18, we had the feeling we’d been “dumped” and people were acting oddly. We then had several cruel messages from people we believed were friends and some neighbours - the general gist of them was “you’re evil puppy killers, nobody wants anything to do with you” and “there was nothing wrong with the puppy, you just couldn’t be bothered with her so lied to the vet to have her PTS.” My best friend of 20 years messaged me to say our friendship was over as she didn’t know who I was any more to do something so awful. After such a terrible year, my mental health hit rock bottom and I tried to hurt myself as I believed they must be right that I am evil. Our neighbours blank us in the street or swear at us under their breath if we walk past.

We have just got ourselves a 4 year old rescue dog as our house feels so empty. We feel we were a loving family who wanted it to work so much. He is such a lovely boy, we have all fallen in love with him and he’s shown us how difficult our first dog had been. Obviously seeing us out with a new dog has renewed the level of hatred they all feel and this week I have had more abusive messages about the dog saying that we are parading our new dog in their faces when they’re all so upset and it’s confirmed everything they believe about me. It has put me in a mental health crisis and I don’t know what to do. I have lost all my friends and have nobody to talk to. Nobody has EVER asked me what happened or asked why we made the decision to PTS. They have no facts at all. I’m so distraught. Am I an awful person? I feel I put the safety of my children first and I would do the same again.

ChocolateFishAndChups- of course we had insurance. Money wasn’t the issue in any way. We were already paying for behaviourist help and twice weekly physio and daily meds.

Genuinely she didn’t really present as a dog in pain, until she rapidly seemed to deteriorate in the last couple of months and obviously the aggression increased. When I first took her to the vet he manipulated her back legs and watched her jump around like a normal puppy and said there was nothing wrong with her. It all seemed to happen so fast.

The neighbours all got to know her when they helped walk her when my DH was in hospital. They didn’t see her after Mar/Apr and so she really would have seemed normal to them.

You’re right, it’s probably not everybody.

With dogs in severe pain with no guarantee of a positive outcome you can't explain anything to them they live in the here and now. When you put them through procedures etc who are you really doing it for?

I love my pets and I dread the day of having to make a PTS decision but it's our responsibility as owners.

Tbh I'm surprised you moved ahead with getting another dog so soon, which has probably got peoples' backs up about the original situation of you didn't fully explain it. I think a rescue who could have offered surgery and rehab would have been my port of call.

That’s exactly what I was looking for babysharkah - I couldn’t find one that would take her on. I tried from June.

Quality of life and quality of the pet's relationships with the family (or lack of) are a big consideration when it comes to the decision to PTS. I don't know exactly what the prognosis is for hip replacements for dogs and how hard the recovery period is, and how much suffering the stress of all that would have caused to the dog. You knew your dog and on balance you made the best decision you could. While it may feel like playing God to make these decisions for our pets, pets also don't plan their futures the way we do and she wouldn't have been aware she was young and could have had most of her life still ahead of her had the circumstances been different...

Is it possible your friends have somehow completely misunderstood the circumstances, or that there's one friend giving the others a different version of the story that makes you look cruel in their eyes?

I honestly think you did the kindest thing. We also had to have a youngish dog PTS a few years ago.

We were offered surgery, but the risks, the recovery and the fact we were told the same thing was likely to happen again made us decide against it.

It went against every instinct, you always want to do your best by them, but I still don't regret the decision. I still miss the soppy bugger though.

Op, just tell them to go one! They weren’t there, they have no idea what really happened and by the sound of it, aren’t interested in finding out. They’ve decided that you’re evil! Well where were they with the offers of rehoming her themselves?!

Do one!!

You did the right thing in having the dog PTS. There's no way you could allow a dog that attacks your children to be in the same house as them, whatever the reasons for the aggression.

I am surprised at how quickly you got another one though. We had to have our dog PTS after it attacked DS. It's been almost 6 years and I'm still so guilt ridden that I can't face having another dog.

Honestly, BollocksToBrexit, I didn’t ever want to have another dog ever again. My DH and the children were upset and desperately missed her and begged me to reconsider. So I relented and said definitely not a puppy. I’m actually glad they persuaded me to as he’s brought me a lot of joy.

I probably won’t come back to this thread now.

Yes poor dog.

I for one think you did the right thing! I imagine the same people (and people here) would have sent you shitty messages if you’d kept it and it had seriously harmed one of your children.

You did the best thing for your family and, in my opinion, for the dog. A life of pain and frustration is no life at all for a dog. You did what the vet recommended and I don’t know but I imagine they don’t just put animals to sleep for no reason. You sound like you did everything you could to avoid it.

I think you sound like a really lovely caring person who was in a crummy situation. Big hugs I’m really pleased you’re enjoying your new dog. So sorry this happened to you x

I’m a HUGE dog lover, my dog was sadly PTS at an old age last year, and he was my absolute world, I’m still devastated. But I’d say without any question that you did the right thing. The dog had shown extremely aggressive behaviour, and you were looking at spending a lot of money on vets fees with no guarantee that she’d be any less aggressive. Please don’t beat yourself up about this. It’s a natural thing to feel guilty, I still find things to feel guilty about re my dog and he was possibly the most indulged dog that’s ever lived!

As for the people who are being horrible, there’s not much you can do about them. But if they can’t understand your perfectly logical (and really the only available) decision, and want to try and make you feel bad, then I’d say it’s no great loss that they no longer want to know you. Ignore them as best you can, they’ll find a new drama soon. Enjoy your new dog 🐕

Of course you did the right thing. The dog was in intense pain, had attacked you and your children multiple times and would not have been able to be rehomed. Honestly I love my dog very much but I think I would’ve done the same. Because while I love my dog I love my children more.

You did the right thing for the dog. PTS was the kindest option for them. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but can't be blamed for trusting the professionals to make the right call when it comes to things like surgery.

In terms of getting another dog I actually think you have done exactly the right thing. You DCs could potentially have become quite frightened of dogs (understandably) following their experiences. Having another dog around for them to love and trust will I'm sure help them not become traumatised by what happened.

I hope all goes well with your new dog. Don't listen to anyone who wants to judge or criticise you. You did what you felt was right for your family and your dog. That's all that matters.

I love dogs, but I'd have made the same call. If the dog had seriously injured one of your children you'd have never have forgiven yourself.

You poor thing, what a position to be in with your husband so ill as well. I don't see that you could have done anything else in the circumstances. Your "friends" sound judgemental and horrible. Much love and all the best to you.

You did the right thing. Animals live in the moment and have no sense of a possibility for change or things being different in the future, so invasive and painful treatment would, From their perspective, be horrendous torture. My mum has had a single hip replacement and was and is very fit for her age (gym 3 times a week, Pilates, horse riding etc) and yet the pain of her hip replacement meant she needed oromorph (liquid morphine) and it still didn’t touch the sides for weeks. She was making herself do rehab as she wanted to get back on her feet (literally) but she needed intense physio with a physio for a couple of weeks and she was white with pain at points. It’s now much much better but she had to go through a lot to recover the functionality she wanted.

I also know a human with congenital hip dysphasia. She’s now in her 60s and has had 3 hip replacements in her life. She is in permanent pain despite ongoing pain management and can no longer work or drive - but is still just about walking - however, she has a husband, son (shouldn’t have had him due to her condition and she wa s on Bed rest the whole pregnancy) and grandchildren and puts up with pain and life limitations because she can rationalise that life still has a lot to give her. Dogs can’t do that! They only know the pain of now and will react instinctively to protect themselves. They are also very difficult to rehab physically (can’t keep them lying in one place or in traction like a human; can’t keep dogs from jumping/moving too quickly unless you keep them in so much pain that they just can’t bear to move). If you over extend a new hip joint before the surrounding tissue has healed fully, it can cause major structural issues that often require a second operation.

My mum (an animal owner of many years) actually remarked she’d have bitten the physio at one point if she was an animal. (She was joking at the time at the time but it resonates with this situation).

It does sound like the breeder was disreputable and that’s a major lesson for you, but clearly you have learned from it as you have gone to a rescue this time. Because you made one mistake doesn’t change the fact that you cannot torture an animal by keeping it alive in pain and going through horrifically invasive and difficult to heal operations. That, from my perspective, would be real animal abuse as you are making yourself feel better but making the animal suffer.
You did the right thing. Your friends are not your real friends if they won’t let you discuss the situation and didn’t want to talk you through the decision or comfort you afterwards. Perhaps if they had been better friends during the crisis, they could have offered a solution or theyd understand the impossibility of the situation you faced.
Onwards and upwards after your exceptionally awful year - and make some new friends!

www.clintonherald.com/news/updated-boy-attacked-by-dog-receives-funds/article_ce6a152c-0b32-11e7-8faf-fbf8f7733a6f.html

I know the people involved in this news article, or rather the new owner of the dog who was visiting her friend and children when the dog attached.

I know more details than are posted in this article but the gist is this, you had a dog you KNEW was aggressive and they did not. You 100% did the safest and kindest thing for both the dog and any potential future owners. Please don't doubt that.

Is it sad? Yes, of course. But do not let these people (here or your beighbours) shame you or let you feel guilty. They aren't true friends if they don't even ask for the full story. You'd have hospital or doctors records for your son. Or photos or something I'm sure.

I think you had to have her pts she attacked your child and that could of been alot worse. I also don't believe it's fair to keep her in constant pain and misery. Why are these people so over involved ? its an extreme reaction to this six months later. Your husband was very ill , you had children and a job i think realistically you couldnt have dealt with the surgery at the same time and I think most people would be the same in the same situation. Be kind to yourself , I would try and send one last message explaining everything you said then if this doesn't help people understand I would block them all

You 100% did the right thing. Your child had been attacked!

OP you did the right thing. I have euthanased hundreds of dogs in my career starting in 1979. In fact you have done a lot more than a lot of people in your position would have.

These mob handed people have no clue about the reality of life for you, your DH, your DC and for the dog. Try not to let them get to you and let them be your judge and jury. They sound like appalling people.

Another vet here. You did the right thing OP.

It sounds like she was a badly bred dog with genetic predispositions to aggression and hip dysphasia. It’s very difficult for a dog to come back from that and very likely that even after surgery (which is brutal) her behaviour would be permanently unpredictable. Poorly bred labs can be temperamentally awful.

I suspect that the people criticising you -like those in this thread - have zero experience of the realities of orthopaedic surgery in dogs or managing aggressive painful dogs.

From the dog’s experience Euthanasia is less cruel than surgery - there’s no waking up in pain, the dog simply doesn’t Wake up at all.

This is a subject close to Home. In 2017 I had my young dog put to sleep. He had a chronic pain condition, I had spent thousands but he was still aggressive to anyone but immediate family (animals and humans)
Our lives were ruled by making sure he didn’t attack anyone and making sure he wasn’t in pain (which he almost always was) and keeping the house like Fort Knox.
One day he slipped past me at the door and bit someone and I had him put to sleep. We have young children and couldn’t risk a child being caught up in the middle of a dog attack. It took me almost 3 years to make that decision and involved lots of vets, behaviouralists and even behavioural medication which made no difference.

To those who suggested a rescue. Where are these magical places that can fix a dog who’s pain is so bad it makes it miserable, with limited resources that even a private loving home couldn’t deal with. Surely it’s more distressing to lock a dog up in a kennel alone and confused rather than putting it to sleep in the arms of the people who devoted their lives to it.
If the owner who loves it can’t cope, then surely that’s an indication that some things just aren’t compatible with a happy and normal life, sadly.