WIBU to have my dog PTS? (Possibly upsetting)

[DistraughtDogLover]

I have name changed for this but have been a member here for many years. I just need some perspective on this. This is very long and I will try and cut down whilst still giving all relevant info. I am absolutely devastated at the way my ex-friends and my neighbours have been behaving and I need to know if IABU as they all seem to think.

In Dec 17 we got a puppy. We loved her very much. Took her to socialisation, training classes, practised every day. She was always strong willed and boisterous but responded well to training and consistency and was just a normal puppy.

In March 18, my DH got very sick and nearly died. He spent 2 weeks in Intensive Care and I was told to expect the worst. During this time we used a dog walker every day and friends/neighbours took her out a lot for me as I was at the hospital or dealing with work/children (age 8 and 10 at the time). A couple of them expressed concern about the dog, saying she was wobbly on her legs. I took her straight to the vet who said she seemed fine and was probably over exercise.

May 18 - husband had been home a month, incredibly weak but alive and slowly gaining strength. Had the puppy spayed and asked them to do x-rays at the same time as I was also getting concerned. Turns out she had a very severe case of hip dysplasia in both hips and needed both replaced. We were referred to an orthopaedic surgeon who said he wanted to wait til she was more fully grown and to manage with daily physio and meds. We did this. We worked with two physios and practised exercises every day. She was only allowed 2x 20 min walks per day.

June 18 - she started refusing her training and becoming disobedient and very hard work. We took her to a behaviourist who worked with us but things didn’t improve. I was doing the bulk of this as DH still recuperating. She was snatching things from the children and grazed one of their friends on the cheek with her teeth snatching a ball. She began to target my oldest child and ripped his clothes, drew blood with her claws. I couldn’t ever allow them to be left alone and they were not allowed friends over as I couldn’t guarantee their safety without shutting the dog away.

July 18 - still doing daily physio and meds, still trying daily training but she was regressing and forgot what to do/refused to do anything. Got a second behaviourist in to help but they finally spoke sense and said she was bored and frustrated and in pain and needed surgery. Ortho surgeon and vet consulted. Now couldn’t leave dog alone with either child as she couldn’t be trusted. She was very rarely left alone and never for long but destroyed door frames, skirting boards, walls, furniture, sofas, chewed through the garden fence and escaped. She bit me on the arm twice. I was so worried about her around the children that I contacted Dogs Trust and several local charities and breeder to discuss rehoming her with someone without children but was advised nobody could/would help due to her health problems.

Aug 18 - all still being managed. MRI scan booked to start pre-op prep. One day I must have taken my eyes off her for a second and heard blood curdling screaming - she had pushed my oldest son to the floor and had bitten him on the stomach, ripped his clothes and drawn blood. As I tried to restrain her and pull her away, she jumped up and bit me hard on the side of my waist. I needed my husband to help me restrain her. We were all badly shaken and I said I couldn’t manage her around the children. I called the vet for advice and he said if nobody would rehome her then we either push ahead with surgery and hope it stopped the behaviour or have her PTS. I called several charities to help but nobody would have her due to health plus now aggression. We made the difficult decision to have her PTS. It was heartbreaking. I have never felt so guilty in my life. I couldn’t risk her hurting the children again. I cried every day for weeks feeling I could have done more or should have handled it differently.

In October 18, we had the feeling we’d been “dumped” and people were acting oddly. We then had several cruel messages from people we believed were friends and some neighbours - the general gist of them was “you’re evil puppy killers, nobody wants anything to do with you” and “there was nothing wrong with the puppy, you just couldn’t be bothered with her so lied to the vet to have her PTS.” My best friend of 20 years messaged me to say our friendship was over as she didn’t know who I was any more to do something so awful. After such a terrible year, my mental health hit rock bottom and I tried to hurt myself as I believed they must be right that I am evil. Our neighbours blank us in the street or swear at us under their breath if we walk past.

We have just got ourselves a 4 year old rescue dog as our house feels so empty. We feel we were a loving family who wanted it to work so much. He is such a lovely boy, we have all fallen in love with him and he’s shown us how difficult our first dog had been. Obviously seeing us out with a new dog has renewed the level of hatred they all feel and this week I have had more abusive messages about the dog saying that we are parading our new dog in their faces when they’re all so upset and it’s confirmed everything they believe about me. It has put me in a mental health crisis and I don’t know what to do. I have lost all my friends and have nobody to talk to. Nobody has EVER asked me what happened or asked why we made the decision to PTS. They have no facts at all. I’m so distraught. Am I an awful person? I feel I put the safety of my children first and I would do the same again.

You 100% did the right thing. I adore dogs, I've a houseful, but I hint you're right. Not many people would be brave enough and would continue putting the dog through more and more treatment and your family at risk. The people attacking you are clearly idiots that would.

I wish you a much happier time with your new dog.

You had a 10 month old dog pts rather than try surgery and then 6 months later got another dog?

ParoxetineQueen, thank you so much for that link. Thank you.

Did you read the OP? The dog had gotten to a point that her behaviour was incredibly dangerous. I think in a case of that sort having her PTS is quite reasonable. I cannot imagine the amount of pain she must have experienced to develop that level of aggression.

The fucking dog attacked her and her son. She did the safest thing. Labs are big and can do a lot of damage if they had it in mind. The surgery wouldn't ha e been a cure all for the behavioural problems.

Well tbh I’d have pushed for surgery at the earliest point it was viable... but I’m saying that with the hindsight of having had a young dog develop joint problems.

But apart from that - the people you know are very different from the people I know clearly, mine developed behavioural problems due to joint pain though not with us (other dogs and strangers) and lots of people said they’d have had him PTS when he developed the issues, we kept him until he physically wasn’t ok anymore. Obviously not having to deal with aggression towards us is a very different situation to yours.

“But question... How did a dog with hip dysplasia manage to jump and bite you on your side?”

Dogs with congenital joint problems don’t always try and avoid pain by being conservative, they’re living with constant joint pain, they’re used to it and it’s theur normal, so they will do things that physically they shouldn’t and will cause pain... it’s not like having a dog that’s previously been sound and then develops pain.

DishingOutDone - it was managed with daily medication.

@agnurse yes I did, I read that the owners let a young puppy be in so much pain that she turned aggressive. And obviously she wasn’t from a reputable breeder either so probably a puppy farm. Because every dog I’ve ever had has come with a clause that if we had to regime for any reason at all they would always take the dog back first rather than it go to a rescue.

PTS might have been the best option in the end but it certainly wasn’t the only one at the start before it all escalated.

And where was the breeder in all this? The dog sounds like a puppy farmed dog which are notoriously unstable. I'm glad you found a new dog to fit with your family. You did all you could. Once the dog had bitten a child it would have been the end for me.

In your situation I would like, tbh. Tell people she bit the vet who advised PTS or she had a brain tumour or whatever. Life is too short for judgements of this type.

Lie, not like

MyNameIsJune - yes, that is correct. What’s the correct amount of time to wait? Or should we never be allowed to own another animal?

I probably should have pushed for surgery sooner - I trusted the professionals judgement having not been in that situation before. But equally with a very ill husband I’m not sure I’d have managed to put her through the surgery successfully at that point in time with everything it entailed.

You absolutely did the right thing. An animal can't rationalise pain as a human can. They can't think to themselves, 'Maybe tomorrow will be better' or 'This surgery hurts but it will be worth it in the long run'. She sounds as though she was miserable, and she would never have understood why, poor lass. You released her from that pain. It was the right decision for your family but also the right decision for the dog.

People are fucking idiots about animals. Life, life, life at any cost! Even if that's a life of pain, or limitations that the animal can't adapt to, or terrible mental distress. Horses with prosthetic limbs and all that. I used to work in animal welfare and we did not take that approach at all... quality of life was always prioritised over quantity.

I thought we had been diligent in not getting a puppy farmed dog - and saw paperwork showing hip scores for parent dogs (who we also met). But given the fact the breeders dismissed us when we went back to them I suspect they were not as reputable as we had originally believed. Lesson learned the extremely hard way.

@distraughtdoglover no quite frankly I don’t think you should have ever had a dog again but there will be lots of people on here who will tell you what you want to hear. We only know one side (yours) but I’m surprised a friend of 20 years ended your friendship when they must have surely known how aggressive the dog was.

No the friend lives abroad and had never met the dog. But I take your point.

I assume none of those people would have been willing to rehome the dog and risk their children, though.

It sounds like you did everything you could under very difficult circumstances when many other people would have given up a lot earlier. I wouldn't judge you.

We had a rottweiler that turned out to have HD. She had surgery and a lifetime of meds. She was volatile +unpredictable (when I was a dc so dm's responsibility), she hated everyone and was truly miserable. Dm would not make the decision to pts.
You did your ddog no disservice in your decision op.

It sounds like you did the exact right thing in a very tough situation.

Can you post pretty much what you've written here on your Facebook or something? Might help people understand.

It appears i’m going agaist the grain here, but then mumsnet is known to be a hotbed of dog haters.
The dog must have been in ALOT of pain to have become so aggressive. I would have treated the problem and got the dog out of pain. I’m guessing you didn’t have insurance and weren’t prepared to spend that sort of money on surgery.
To be honest, the reaction of your close friends really backs this up/ tells the story there, as they knew the dog.
I do understand why you did it. But personally I couldn’t sleep at night if I hadn’t first tried to get the poor dog out of pain.
But then I realise (from mumsnet) that many people don’t value dogs as a member of the family and consider them Disposable/ replaceable.

According to the ex MIL, who is a dog trainer/behaviourist, her vet told her when she had to have her eighteen month old year old Lab/Goldie cross PTS for exactly the same thing - intense aggression and hip dysplasia - that it was his opinion that a dog driven to that extent is in too much pain/it's too severe a condition for them to come back from it, even with tens of thousands of pounds of surgery. He also said that it was equally likely that she had something like a tumour or brain deformity that had caused it, which would meant investigating that, keeping a dog that's already in pain and distressed in for further tests and there still being no way to save them.

There was no way on earth she would have had the dog PTS if she had thought there was the slightest chance of her recovering, and she was distraught. I think she did the right thing even though I didn't particularly like her and vice versa, we got along, just about, because we both were animal people

It's possible that as your eyes were taken off them for an instant that your DC touched her hip and caused her intense pain, which then continued during the resulting attack and your saving your DC.

I don't think you did anything wrong, you went on vet advice and she was just too far gone before you realised it. So I'd block those idiots and get on with enjoying your new dog whilst accepting that you did all you could in making such a hard decision.

To be honest, the reaction of your close friends really backs this up/ tells the story there, as they knew the dog. or it could just be that OPs friends are the kind of mawkish idiots that would let the lickle doggy take a child’s face off rather than put it down?

@DistraughtDogLover

You did nothing wrong.We had to have our family dog PTS after she attacked my niece and my daughter on separate occasions over a short time period.We were devastated but it was the right thing to do.

I think PTS was inevitable in June when she started being aggressive with your children.

You sound like lovely people, but I think we all fall into a trap with animals of forgetting who is benefitting most from extensive treatment. Us or them? It’s always a judgement call - young animal or old, one off or lifelong treatment, cost, how much pain or distress the animal will be in with or without the treatment.

In your case, you had a young animal who had a debilitating, painful condition, that was overriding their training to the point it was becoming a danger to any humans in the vicinity. It faced some major, painful surgery with an extensive rehab and no guarantee that the behaviour would improve after. The kindest thing all round was PTS.

Some people prioritise animals before humans, some people judge without listening to the full facts, some are batshit. You seem to have a mix off all three. Are you sure it’s “everyone” who thinks this, or could it be that your perception is off due to your mental health crisis?

And before I'm accused of being a dog hater, I'm not. When the ex said 'It's me or the dog' in an argument one day, I answered immediately 'Bye then'. He was not pleased with this - but I fucking meant it. I would no more get rid of my animals than chop my leg up with a rusty hacksaw - but if one had a serious medical condition and because extremely aggressive with no guarantee of a full cure, I'd sob my heart out, but I'd have them PTS.