Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unreasonable 14 year old - or is it me ?

354 replies

TAMumof3 · 09/03/2019 13:18

My 14 year old son has just swanned in from Tae kwon do practice, ignored the steak bake I've warmed for him for lunch and started cooking bacon and eggs for himself without asking.

He regularly does this - just help himself to whatever food he likes.

I'm particularly pissed off today as I'm just back from a trip from hell to Lidl and have shopped, unpack and written menu and stuck it on the fridge for the week.

Have had a go at him but he refused to stop cooking, left the kitchen in a mess and has now stropped off to bedroom to play computer games .... I have no idea how to parent this.

OP posts:
AuntMarch · 09/03/2019 16:05

It is enough for a 14 year olds lunch assuming hes had breakfast too otherwise why would people go to Gregg's all the time for a steak bake at lunchtimes? It's not a snack is it!? We dont know what the boys appetite is like ?

99p for 2 frozen steak bakes are not as substantial though. Especially for after exercise.

AriadnePersephoneCloud · 09/03/2019 16:06

I'm impressed. My 14 year old refused to eat anything today because he wasn't hungry then bought himself Three ice creams at the shop and ate all of those. Hmm

MaybeitsMaybelline · 09/03/2019 16:07

I take it you are cross because you are on a budget hence the meal plan for the week and your annoyance at helping himself to food without checking with you first.

Teenage boys are a nightmare, my fridge is there for helping yourself but taking food planned for a meal on a specific day is not. Leaving the mess is a piss take.

Are we talking a Greggs Steak Bake? If so, that isn’t enough lunch for a 14 year old.

The solution is to have lots of filling, appealing, available food. A tin of soup and a pile of sandwiches was my DSs go to as a teenager.

ChoudeBruxelles · 09/03/2019 16:08

Let him sort himself out but turn the WiFi off til he tidied up after himself

Socksey · 09/03/2019 16:09

I'll admit I can't believe the responses here.
Its ok to eat food that was designated for another meal and now others will go without?
Not everyone can afford to replace everything and if he didn't want thesteak bake then he can buy something else....
He is being provided with food within the constraints of Op's budget.... it's not a restaurant .... he eats what he's given or nothing.... or at least asks if he can make something else.... bacon and eggs is a luxury for many !

IceRebel · 09/03/2019 16:14

OP if I had made a meal for my child and they walked in, ignored it and started cooking something else I would be extremely annoyed at their rudeness.

If they came in and said ‘oh mum I really don’t fancy a steak bake, would you mind if I made myself some bacon and eggs’ that would be fine.

But both of these situations have the same outcome, bacon and eggs are cooked and the steak bake is left uneaten. I get the feeling that if the DS asked to make something else instead the answer would have been no. Also we have no idea if the Ds even knew the steak bake was for him. He could have assumed the OP was warming it up for herself.

It is enough for a 14 year olds lunch assuming hes had breakfast too otherwise why would people go to Gregg's all the time for a steak bake at lunchtimes? It's not a snack is it!?

I don't think it's enough on its own. It's not like he's been sat playing Xbox all morning, he's been out doing a physical sport.

singingismypassion · 09/03/2019 16:16

I don't blame him. I wouldn't eat a steak bake for love nor money

Greyhound22 · 09/03/2019 16:18

I have never helped myself to anything in my parents house - as a child, a teen or an adult. They are not tight with food (very much the opposite) and we have never been on a tight budget as far as I can remember.

I would always ask what I could eat first.

I would never allow a teen to just walk in and ransack the fridge or cupboards. MN seems to think teen boys need to be constantly eating though.

I would turn the wifi off. He needs to clean up.

Shambalawadeewadee · 09/03/2019 16:21

You know, you’re probably right IceRebel, not sure I would be that happy with it but think I’d be inclined to say it was ok to have the bacon and eggs then but when everyone else was having Bacon and Eggs the next day, he could have the re-heated steak bake if I was on a really tight budget (and was sure he liked steak bakes!)

I think this thread is too bogged down in steak bakes and bacon and eggs though Grin. If I cooked a meal for dh and he walked in, started cooking something else and then walked off and left a mess (he wouldn’t) I’d be equally annoyed! It’s about being civil and respectful of the person you live with, whether that be your child, partner or parent.

rainbowunicorn · 09/03/2019 16:23

Instead of buying crap like steak bakes that are very low meat content, cheap palm oil and not a lot of nutrition and not doing anyone that eats one any good at all. Try buying the ingredients for soup, a couple of carrots, potato any pulse you want such as lentils broth mix etc and you have a large pot of soup that would probably do the 3 of you twice over. Much healthier for you and them and filling and nutritious.

mrsm43s · 09/03/2019 16:27

My 13 &14 yr olds ask before helping themselves, but I wouldn't say no without good reason. A
Breakfast, they help themselves to standard breakfast food (cereal, toast, porridge, fruit etc). If they wanted something more such as bacon and eggs, they would have the manners to ask.
Dinners we all eat together, and they're meal planned. No one, adult or child, gets to decide they don't fancy it and just help themselves to something else, because it would mess with the plan and food stocks. Weekend lunches are pretty flexible, egg on toast, or sandwiches or salads or fresh pasta etc. Children select and make it themselves, but they always check if it's ok first. I'm not controlling, it's just manners.

IHaveBrilloHair · 09/03/2019 16:31

I totally get it.
When Dd was younger I once got cross with her in the supermarket for going on about wanting strawberries, then felt awful as I only said no because of such a tight budget.
Having to watch every penny is shit and creates conflict in all sorts of little ways you just think of when you have enough.

billybagpuss · 09/03/2019 16:42

at 99p for two I can feed both kids and go without myself and have a treat of bacon and eggs altogether on a sunday

I can not believe everyone saying this is ok for the DS to do. The OP is going without herself to make sure her kids have food and he's just eaten her bloody Sunday lunch! I would be fuming.

I take it OP you have had the conversation with him many times. I think your only option here is to not give him access to the food. Fridge lock? Or I know its a pain but shop more frequently so its not there for him to take. If he wants anything else he buys it himself.

On the other hand you should be proud that he is independent enough to do it himself.

Dumbledorker · 09/03/2019 16:46

Those saying they wouldnt eat steak bakes.
Let's swop it to a sandwich .

She bought him a ham sandwich for after class.

A sandwich is enough for lunch for a 14 year old boy and pretty much as filling as a steak bake.
It's not about what shes given him it's the rudeness.
Plus after his steak bake/sandwich theres nothing stopping him from grabbing some fruit or a yogurt.

BlimeyCalmDown · 09/03/2019 16:46

Just let him know he has now had his share so won't get any tomorrow.

Turn wifi off until he clears up.

Stop making him food without checking if he actually wants it (creates unnecessary waste and irritation).

Start keep some cheap stock food that he can help himself to, he shouldn't have to always ask if can have food in his own home. Different if it is something like a treat or was being saved for something (hence tell him he has now had his share).

I'd hate to have to eat what someone else chose every single day! Even as a 14yr old I made what I fancied that day (usually cheap stuff from the freezer - so plenty stocked up). I could never do menu planning like alot of the others are talking about, I never know what I will fancy until the time comes. Luckily I only had one child so this was fine.

Wolfcub · 09/03/2019 16:49

Op I totally get it. I think there’s a really clear difference in this thread between those who’ve never had to really worry about money (to the point of counting pound and pennies and those who haven’t). I think if you haven’t had the money discussion with ds you should. I’ve tried to have lots with my 12 year old over the last year since becoming a single parent. Sometimes I get it thrown back in my face “raaah we can’t do anything because we’re poor” (we’re not really poor and I just want to stress that because I know there are people who really are properly poor and I don’t want to be some shitty middle class on-a-tight-budget-person claiming your space) but I do think he’s starting to get it a bit and starting to appreciate why we can’t do or have the things that others can or why I cry when a pair of school shoes get lost.

Dillydallyingthrough · 09/03/2019 16:58

I'm exactly the same as Shambalawadeewadee I didn't realise that made me controlling or uptight and were not on a tight budget.

Get him to clean up by switching off the WiFi.

ChicCroissant · 09/03/2019 17:00

OP, I hope you had the steak bake yourself rather than go without!

If this is down to money rather than manners, I would have a bit of a family meeting and point out that eating items not on the menu is an issue, because it leaves the family short at another meal.

However - yes, there does need to be some food available for snacks and I do think they should be able to help themselves to that without asking. Even if the stuff freely available for snacks is kept in a box somewhere (box empty = no snacks).

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 09/03/2019 17:04

My DS would love a steak bake. It’s just a pie and he’d be given it with vegetables for lunch. If that was the lunch offered mine would definitely have to ask before helping himself.

I think eggs and bacon is a big deal. I use both as part of recipes (baking, wrapping chicken or making carbonara). Maybe relatively cheap per potion but it would mean buying another pack/box of both. Which at ASDA means another £2.50 whereas a steak bake is 50p.

IHaveBrilloHair · 09/03/2019 17:05

I love a steak bake, nothing wrong with them.

ScarletBitch · 09/03/2019 17:05

If he is cooking his own lunch at 14 I say good on him!

TitsalinaBumSquash · 09/03/2019 17:12

I wish my 14 year old would cook himself food, mine won't even contemplate getting himself a sandwich half the time!

IHaveBrilloHair · 09/03/2019 17:16

Mine only makes supernoodles and she's 17!
I don't mind as I love cooking and she manages fine when I'm not here

WanderingAimlessly · 09/03/2019 17:17

Baffled. Why would it be ok for a teenager to just help themselves to anything they fancy? If meals are planned in advance this is a recipe for disaster. It’s not controlling to say a child should ask before helping themselves to main meal ingredients. It’s simple politeness and decency for them to ask. I’d be fuming if DS did this. Fine, help yourself to the snacks in the designated snack cupboard, but keep your mitts of main meal ingredients. I’m staggered so many people think this is ok. Wish I had your money to burn.

As for not tidying up, WiFi off until he’s cleaned the kitchen so well he can eat his (cold streak bake) dinner off the counter top.

YellowFish123 · 09/03/2019 17:26

To be quite honest, I have no idea why it's even an issue never mind one that requires an argument for a 14 year old to cook himself a perfectly normal meal for lunch.

Unless their idea of lunch is a bar of chocolate, surely teenagers should be perfectly capable of deciding what they want to eat and making it. I wouldn't contemplate eating a 'steak bake' so I certainly wouldn't expect my DS to. I'm not surprised you're having issues with food if that is what you consider acceptable to feed your DC. Hell would freeze over before my DC ate Greggs 'food' never mind actively serving them it.