Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

DP going out

114 replies

Eslteacher06 · 09/03/2019 12:01

I'm married to an amazing man and have a 2 year old who takes ages to get to bed. I'm also 7 months pregnant.

Friends who I haven't seen in two years are coming to visit-its been planned for months. Originally, we were going out and DP was going to look after DD. They don't want to go out so DP said he'd feel uncomfortable staying in with us. We both said ok-DP go out.

His mate has booked a table for 7.15. With the best will in the world, DD doesn't go to bed til 7-7.30. I said well maybe give your order to him and you may miss your starter as DD might not be in bed by then. The last thing I want to do is look after my friends and be dealing with DD screaming on my own.

Apparently I'm unreasonable because all his mates get to go out when they want. Yeah...and their wives are not happy with it but put up with it. I haven't seen these friends in two years and I barely go out for myself. Apparently that's my problem that I don't go out more. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

InACheeseAndPickle · 09/03/2019 14:26

It's OP's night off. If DH chooses to go out he sorts that out if it means turning up late or not at all that's his business.

What are all these wierdos that won't let their partner entertain their friends at home but insist on them all going out even if they don't want to? I'll have girls night in with mums from school every so often sometimes at mine, sometimes elsewhere. The partner usually says hi and pops in for drinks or whatever then makes themselves scarce. It's totally normal.

Have you seriously never had a girls night in? Or your partner had a boys night or hobby night you're not part of? Why would I go out unless you live in a studio apartment?

Wakk · 09/03/2019 16:59

I'd be pissed off at missing the starter too.

It is his night out, that's the plans you made.

MirriVan · 09/03/2019 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnneOfCleanTables · 09/03/2019 17:06

The only reason people suggested the DH stay upstairs is because he said he was too uncomfortable to stay at home whilst his wife had friends round. He's being ridiculous and has turned his wife's one night off with friends into him going out with his mates. And the odd thing is, there are so many posters on here siding with him.

As for it being a hardship to sit in a different room in your own house - wtaf?! DH has done that on more than one occasion when I've had friends round and I've done it when he has too. You're not banished to a tower. You're giving your partner some space with their friends.
This place is full of nonsense today.. . and it's not even the school holidays.

Loopytiles · 09/03/2019 17:16

“I think the lesson that we can all learn from this is that if you want a night off from childcare you need to not be in the same building as them!”

If your DP is a selfish twat, perhaps.

MirriVan · 09/03/2019 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LannieDuck · 09/03/2019 17:57

Why has this become your problem?

DH is sorting DD out this evening (you were scheduled to be out), so he can do whatever he wants with his evening as long as he plans it around her. That means getting her to bed before he goes out for dinner.

He needs to pretend you're not there. And treat being able to leave the house when she's asleep as a nice bonus rather than an entitlement.

LannieDuck · 09/03/2019 17:59

I'd be pissed off at missing the starter too.
It is his night out, that's the plans you made.

He might be going out, but it's her night off. So he can go out after he's dealt with DD. He should have made his plans accordingly.

lms2017 · 09/03/2019 18:06

I would book a table for me , DD and friends at the same Indian

FullOfJellyBeans · 09/03/2019 19:02

Bloody hell I can tell which OP's have useless husbands and enable them on top of that. This is OP's night off. DH agreed to take care of DD. If he's too uncomfortable being in the house with her friends (which is to be frank ridiculous) then he'll have to wait and go out when DD is settled for the night.

All these ridiculous posters saying "oh it's fine I just walk up and down the stairs all night my friends don't mind" or "just have one of your friends put her to bed". NO why the hell should OP do that? She's catching up with friends after 2 years. She wants to spend all her time with her friends and be completely relaxed as she had arranged well in advance to do. This isn't DH's night out so his plans have to be worked 100% around his childcare obligations.

FullOfJellyBeans · 09/03/2019 19:05

Exactly I really can't believe most people don't do this. I'd be pissed off if DH had friends round often but if it's just a night a month surely you go in, say hi then wander off and leave them to it and sit somewhere else (assuming they're not mutual friends). You don't have to hide - but if it's chat that doesn't interest you - you can sit elsewhere and binge watch something on Netflix. Why is that such a terrible banishment?!

bigchris · 09/03/2019 19:23

God if dh is in with his mates I'd go out, no way would i sit in bed listening for the kids eithrrtbat or id crack open a beer and join them whether they liked it or not cos it's my house too !

Original poster

Eslteacher06 · 10/03/2019 00:29

Well, all was well in the end. Once DP realised how important this time was to me, he told friend (who was with lots of others, not sat there on his own), that he might be late and gave his food order. He tried to put her to bed an hour early but it took an hour to get her down anyway. Luckily he got to leave at 7. Haven't heard a peep all night. I don't have a mansion, but I'm lucky she is a heavy sleeper once down. Just incase you're wondering, I didn't have a rave either.

Amazed at people who think kids will go down fine if you put them to bed earlier than normal. That might be your plan but it isn't always theirs.

@Lannieduck.... that's EXACTLY what I have said throughout the whole post. Yet some seem to think I'm messing up HIS plans. I personally felt it was a nice bonus for him. I wouldn't expect him to sit upstairs, that would be strange to me, but each to their own.

@Ims2017 I would have loved to do that...pahaha :)

Thanks for those who have been supportive :)

OP posts:

Original poster

Eslteacher06 · 10/03/2019 08:01

Saying that....he came back steaming at 1am and vomiting. Daughter up at 5.50am and he's as useful as a chocolate fireguard - he's still drunk. Here I am exhausted from making sure he got to bed ok at 2am and now downstairs with daughter, who is know crying and screaming for daddy. I feel like crying myself.

Lesson learned. This will NEVER happen again.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread