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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Worried about my ex and his interest in teens

44 replies

WhoMoved · 08/03/2019 22:07

Name changed for this 😟

I divorced my ex on the grounds of coercive control, basically he terrorised me until I found the help I needed (via Mumsnet) to leave him. I have a son and daughter via him. DS11, DD10.

After we divorced I bought a property near to a local secondary school which I foresaw my son attending. All good.

My ex husband whist we were married told me he was attracted to teen girls (we were in our 30's at this time) which I was uncomfortable with. We got pregnant and have our daughter.

My ex said he looked forward to having our daughter's friends around for play dates. I felt sick at this as I knew he meant to lust after.

Since our divorce, ex has bought a property within 1 min walk from me & our children and actually backs onto the secondary school my son now attends. It's uncomfortable as he now watches me leave the house and go to shops etc.

Last weekend ex has persuaded his new neighbours to cut down (actually - he has cut down himself) some trees which previously shielded the school from his vision - he now has total visibility into the school fields and into various classrooms, due to the distance from his garden to school building.

My aibu? I'm worried for our daughter .. if he acts on his interests will it affect her? Or am I being UR and just let him look and not act?

To be clear, I hate him for what he did to me/my children and my judgement is likely clouded by that.

OP posts:
Cheeeeislifenow · 08/03/2019 22:11

You should contact nspcc for advice...

MumUnderTheMoon · 08/03/2019 22:17

Could you contact your local police station? Tell them what was said to you by him in the past, explain about the coercive control and that you feel like he is watching you and the kids?

Original poster
WhoMoved · 08/03/2019 22:35

Thank you, I will contact our local police. I guess my main concern is my DD - she has 3-4 close friends who if their parents knew/got wind of my/our past would not let them play with DD. She's shy as it is and would end up with no friends at all. Thank you for the advice.

OP posts:
OwlBeThere · 08/03/2019 22:41

How do you know he persuaded his neighbours to cut the trees?

Original poster
WhoMoved · 08/03/2019 22:45

Because my children told me he'd done so. Why?

OP posts:
BlackeyedGruesome · 08/03/2019 22:47

contact the police with your concerns.

there may be evidence that he is too interested in school girls.

GregoryPeckingDuck · 08/03/2019 22:49

I would make an anonymous tip off for child porn. If he’s going as far as piercing on girls at school chances are he’s been accessing underaged sexual images/videos online.

PersonaNonGarter · 08/03/2019 22:54

Poor you, and your DC. How stressful to have him nearby.

MardyMavis · 08/03/2019 22:57

So he told you himself he was a dirty perv yet you still went and had a child with him? Wtf

Original poster
WhoMoved · 08/03/2019 23:02

Not exactly how it went. No. He changed considerably after I got pregnant.

OP posts:
Tweety1981 · 08/03/2019 23:04

Thanks for being honest .

Please call the police and contact NSPCC.

I would be so grateful if I was a mum with a child at that school .

OwlBeThere · 08/03/2019 23:10

@whomoved, I ask because children are notoriously unreliable narrators and it many not have happened how they say.
However, if you’re concerned and I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t be, then you need to act on it

PositiveVibez · 08/03/2019 23:14

I would make an anonymous tip off for child porn

I am sorry to pick this out, but please do not ever refer to images of children being sexual abused as 'child porn'.

It puts it into a type of category of pornography and it truly isn't.

TallulahBetty · 08/03/2019 23:18

Thank you to the above poster. Pornography is legal. Images of child sexual abuse are not.

Original poster
WhoMoved · 08/03/2019 23:19

I agree with you @owl and am sure my own children are not at risk from him. I'm uncertain however for DD's friends, hence the aibu. Thank you for the advice 💐

OP posts:
ADHMeeee · 08/03/2019 23:23

Definitely ask for advice from NSPCC. He sounds a risk.

blackcat86 · 08/03/2019 23:31

I like the idea of reporting him for online images anon. I bet if his devices are seized they'll find teen images. At the very least he'll be on the police's radar

IncrediblySadToo · 08/03/2019 23:32

I would speak to the police & I would stop unsupervised contact with my DC. He’d have to take me to court to try to get it and I’d happily tell them why I’d stopped him seeing them. In detail.

You’re a fool if you trust him with your DC. He is sexually attracted to very young teenagers, maybe even children as he was excited about play dates, children are at more risk with the very people who should be the least risk.

If it were me I’d be getting some play therapy for the children to try to be sure he’s not abusing them.

Original poster
WhoMoved · 08/03/2019 23:44

@incredibly - gosh I hadn't thought about it that way. Thank you - l'll contact the police tomorrow although I get the sense that as he hadn't broken any law there's no risk. Good point about withdrawing contact though and the reasoning behind it 💐

OP posts:
Walkingdeadfangirl · 08/03/2019 23:49

Did he express interest in 18/19 yo's or 13/14 yo's? Both might be creepy but one is more worrying than the other.

Original poster
WhoMoved · 08/03/2019 23:53

@walking it was younger teens, think 16 or less. I'm sorry - I'm sickened by him.

OP posts:
EyesAreNeverClosing · 09/03/2019 00:06

And you let him near your children and their friends? Hmm

SparklyMagpie · 09/03/2019 00:14

If you know this why on earth are you letting his children bear him. Also tbh I wouldn't put my children's friendships as a priority if they could all be at risk

mumm321 · 09/03/2019 00:21

He sounds like a creepy man

TinselAndKnickers · 09/03/2019 00:35

No way in hell could I look past that at all. Definitely report him. Sicko!

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