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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect husband to offer to come home?

39 replies

crispysausagerolls · 08/03/2019 16:41

A family member of mine just died. The death is upsetting to me although I am not overly close to the specific member - however, the result of the death is that there are huge family dynamics now at play and extremely upsetting things going on for me.

DH is away with work on a holiday - not working, a team thing. He is due back tomorrow afternoon but I am very upset. I’m
not going to ask him to return but I sort of feel that he should, or at least offer to! AIBU? (Probably; I’m just very emotional! Need to see some reason please!)

OP posts:
HomeMadeMadness · 08/03/2019 16:46

Really sorry to hear about your bereavement OP. From what you say I can see why DH isn't coming home as you weren't terribly close to the person who has died and he'll be home anyway tomorrow. I can see why you want him there but hopefully there's someone else you can lean on until he comes back.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/03/2019 16:52

He’ll be back tomorrow.

This evening do whatever makes you feel a bit better - call a friend, read a book or watch a film, eat something lovely, distract yourself and get an early night if you can.

PinkHeart5914 · 08/03/2019 16:53

Thingis his due back tomorrow anyway and you say you weren’t close to this relative.

Unless it was a close relative and he wasn’t due back for a few days I wouldn’t expect him to come home early tbh

Nicknacky · 08/03/2019 16:55

To be honest, no I wouldn’t expect him home early nor would I ask. He’s back tomorrow so less than 24 hours. He may not get home much earlier than that earlier.

Ginger1982 · 08/03/2019 17:05

I would only expect DH to come home a day early if it was a parent or sibling.

10IAR · 08/03/2019 17:07

I can see why you're feeling that way, you've had a shock and are feeling awful.

But unless it was someone very close to you I wouldn't expect him to offer, no.

That said, if you're really struggling and need him home, tell him. Don't wait for him to ask.

WorraLiberty · 08/03/2019 17:08

Sorry for your loss

No, I wouldn't expect him back before tomorrow

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 08/03/2019 17:08

If he offered I would say no though! I just sort of want him
To offer! Maybe maybe that’s unreasonable. It’s quite hard to fully explain the depth of emotional shit that this brings up with other family members maybe

OP posts:
Babymamamama · 08/03/2019 17:09

No I wouldn't expect this in your shoes. Sorry for your loss but you are an adult and he is working.

10IAR · 08/03/2019 17:10

In the kindest possible way OP, maybe he doesn't understand that because you weren't close to the person you'd want him to offer?

Unless he's generally crap, I'd put it down to feeling terrible because of a traumatic time rather than him being wrong.

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 08/03/2019 17:10

he is working

He’s on a work ski trip. It’s fine if you disagree with me but please read the post properly!

OP posts:
BatsAreCool · 08/03/2019 17:11

I wouldn't expect him to offer and I certainly wouldn't want him to either.

TacoLover · 08/03/2019 17:12

If there was a week left I'd offer to come home. Seeing as he's home tomorrow I don't think it would cross my mind to return early.

Sirzy · 08/03/2019 17:13

If he is on a works ski trip is coming home a day early even an option?

PinkiOcelot · 08/03/2019 17:14

I wouldn’t expect him home. You weren’t close to the family member and he’s back tomorrow anyway.
Try and have a nice evening. Sorry for your loss xx

Drogosnextwife · 08/03/2019 17:14

He will be back tomorrow,and I'm guessing it would cost him extra to come home early. YABU.

WhenZogateSuperworm · 08/03/2019 17:15

My DH wouldn’t offer- however if I asked he would come.

MamaBearThius · 08/03/2019 17:16

Really sorry for your loss OP
I'm gonna go against the grain here and agree with you. My DH would at least offer, as I also have difficult family dynamics

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/03/2019 17:16

I think it’s unreasonable to expect him to want to come home OP.

DH is amazing but in your situation he’d say “I’ll be home tomorrow for a hug” or similar and I’d be ok with that.

Take care of yourself in the meantime Flowers

BlueSkiesLies · 08/03/2019 17:18

I really wouldn’t expect him to come home a day early. I also wouldn’t offer to go back a day early for my DP.

A huge amount of extra expense and hassle for zero real benefit.

thedisorganisedmum · 08/03/2019 17:21

I wouldn't expect DH to come home a day early unless one of the kids has a serious accident. Unless you live a couple of hours drive away from the ski resort, it would be more hassle than anything to find a last minute flight and 24h wouldn't make much difference.

Even if we lost a close relative, I am not sure either of us would really cut a trip short for a few hours.

JaneEyre07 · 08/03/2019 17:25

It could cost a fortune to get back at short notice, and hardly worth it if he's back tomorrow anyway. Especially for a relative you weren't overly close to.

Springwalk · 08/03/2019 17:25

Call a friend.

If you are very upset and only he will do, then tell him to come home. I am all for being upfront about needs and expectations. He may not fully understand why you are so upset.

You are upset understandably.

Frecklesonmyarm · 08/03/2019 17:26

Since he is due home tomorrow, no I wouldn't expect him to offer. It will cost money and he womt be home that much sooner.

If it's the family dynamic you are worried about. Simply dont engage with any family until he is home.

PiebaldHamster · 08/03/2019 17:26

I wouldn't expect him to leave now. It's too close to when he's due back anyhow.