AIBU to expect husband to offer to come home?

[crispysausagerolls]

A family member of mine just died. The death is upsetting to me although I am not overly close to the specific member - however, the result of the death is that there are huge family dynamics now at play and extremely upsetting things going on for me.

DH is away with work on a holiday - not working, a team thing. He is due back tomorrow afternoon but I am very upset. I’m
not going to ask him to return but I sort of feel that he should, or at least offer to! AIBU? (Probably; I’m just very emotional! Need to see some reason please!)

A work team bonding thing is still a work thing.

If he’s abroad he probably wouldn’t be home before tomorrow anyway.

If you’d say no if he offered then do whatever you’d do even though he hasn’t, look after yourself and look forward to him being home soon.

I don't understand the bit about you would say no even if he did offer?

Why do you need him to offer for you to then turn him down? Either you can't cope emotionally and he needs to get back as an emergency or you can wait until tomorrow.

He's due to be back in less than 24 hours. Even if he had offered to come back, I doubt he could get a flight earlier than that - they'll all be booked up. He may as well stay overnight in the hotel and come back the next day rather than spend the night in an airport waiting for a seat to become free on a flight that would only get him in a few hours earlier.

I'd only expect him to come home because of the death of someone you loved or if you were very ill or something. Mainly because it wouldn't be covered by travel insurance, and trying to arrange last minute travel is often extremely expensive and difficult and can take much longer than normal to get home (eg flying to a different airport then catching public transport), all for the sake of a few more hours. Skiing hols are especially difficult as all the transport is set up for Saturday to Saturday travel. I think if he'd been in the UK and it was just a case of driving home early, that would be different

I wouldn't expect him to offer as I doubt he would understand exactly what the problem was. I adore my husband, and he's wonderful with my family hell, but we are just different in terms of how difficult we find family politics emotionally. I would expect him to come home if I asked and explained I really wanted/needed him, but I would also expect a gentle check from him that this would cost (probably) a fair amount of cash for one night.

This is one of the things where sometimes we're all just different. Do tell him this was hard for you though so he can offer next time.

Sorry for your loss

It seems like some let of trick to expect him to as to come home but actually you’d say no? Do you mean you want him to demonstrate he cares in a more grand way than he is now?

Logically this isn’t a close family member. So why would he?

I'm sorry for your loss but of course YABU. It doesn't even make sense, you want him to offer so that you can say no?

You say yourself, OP, that the person who died is not a particularly close family member. It would be different if it were a parent or sibling or your child. In view of the fact that he is due to return tomorrow, I think you would be very unreasonable to expect him to return home any earlier and doubt earlier flights would be available in any event.

He can't read your mind. You either want him home or not.

If not, leave it and don't get upset that he isn't offering.

If you do then tell him.

However I also think you're being unreasonable. I get that it's going to have a knock in effect but that's not immediate and he'll be home tomorrow.

You are all right, of course! I know IABU; going to have some chocolate and avoid family until he is home xx thanks all

To be fair, despite the OP not being close to this person, presumably her husband knows that this will bring up issues for the OP, so although it was relevant information for the OP to share with us, I'd expect her husband to understand that without necessarily needing it to be spelled out!

Still doesn't mean he would decide to leave 24 hours earlier, even if he could get a flight.

Sorry for your loss OP.

But no I don't think he should offer to leave his work ski trip a day early. It's not an emergency. You are not ill or unable to function. If he offered and you took him up on it he'd have to change his travel plans, incurring huge expense (paying for an earlier flight/airport transfers etc).

He'll be back tomorrow anyway.

He might've checked and it's prohibitive or really complicated so he won't be home much sooner.

I'd expect him to take some time to talk to me though.

for you