AIBU to never go here again & tell everyone I know how awful it is?

[FrazzledCareerWoman]

New fancy "mums brasserie" type place has opened in the London suburb where I live. Think zone 3, up and coming area. Lots of yummy mummies, baby classes, mums fitness, etc around. People have money to spend.

So they open this place that is marketed as a wellness and foodie experience where you can have lunch and spa treatments while they watch your little darlings. Sounds amazing, non?

They also will have classes for the kids that are put on by external providers, and a soft play area.

Okay, fine. Me and NCT friend decide to go and check it out just for lunch.

Well, I think I'm still in shock. No alcohol at all firstly - I tried to order a glass of Prosecco and they were like "what's that"? So clearly missing a trick there 🤷🏻‍♀️

Secondly, waiting staff obviously had never worked in so much as a greasy spoon previously as they were faffing around doing very little, extremely inattentive and managed to take an hour to bring our starters and a further 30 mins for our next courses. To be fair they claimed this was due to a power cut (which lasted about 5 mins after we had already been waiting for an hour).

Thirdly, it was eye wateringly expensive. Their sushi chef hadn't started yet and so they was barely anything on the menu that was available.

Our bill was £43, no alcohol, 1 tea, 1 latte, 1 dip with crudités, 1 broccoli soup, 1 stale foccacia slice, 1 eggs Benedict with cold sauce , 1 basic salad.

I waited an hour for a “Japanese style avocado salad” that was cucumber tomato and iceberg lettuce. The bread with my soup was stale.

So you would think we were offered our meal for free after all that wouldn't you? Well not only am I ashamed to say I didn't blink and paid the full £43 when asked but the owner had the audacity to offer us "a free dish next time you come".

I feel like they are totally ruining something that could have been great! And they are clearly mental and have done zero research. Membership is around £500 a year.

Just speechless.

“You will suffer at the hands of god” wtf is this some sort of cult?

@Harebellsies Owner is Muslim.

Funny how no-one's god ever tells them, "Actually, you're being a bit of an arsehole here." It's always, "Yup, totally, I'm right behind you on this one."

singlekiwi but a persons belief system has nothing to do with them invoking the wrath of god in a business conversation or dispute. Fwiw, half my family are members of the same belief system but funnily enough dont add the fear of god to their to their accounting invoices.

Clearly this is my biggest problem.. how ridiculous . @Zenettii doesn't understand what Mumsnet is. I never posted any negative reviews on FB, tripadvsor or google. Came on MN to have a rant and a joke and never named the business. They outed themselves and did more damage responding on here and to other people's reviews on public review sites, and have revealed their true nature. It's farcical.

Is it just me or is the misplaced full stop on the FB name really annoying?

There’s not very much that isn’t annoying about that wankery establishment imho

Wait till the DM picks up on this thread
The OP is not to blame for the info we now all can see. That's down to the business owners badly managing critiques and outing themselves.
I'm also curious why it's called a Brasserie when it doesn't serve alcohol? Brasserie means brewery I believe.

I bloody love this thread. You Londoners are hilarious (that’s being said in an affectionate way)

Whether you want to laugh at OP for being a yummy mummy (and she was a self deprecating one) she is definitely not to blame for the naming of the business on the thread

I actually jumped to defend the new 'owner' by initial tone of Op

I've turned turtle on this one Op

You had a lucky escape I'd say

Wow, photos from someone's review

Not my pictures, and have obscured the child

I don’t live that far from the establishment in question and when the OP initially posted I surmised that it is precisely the sort of wanky establishment that might appeal to me (a poor man’s purple dragon perhaps) and that I might go as soon as they are over their initial teething problems. I also thought people were rather unfairly piling on someone who was trying to set up a business and just hadn’t quite got the marketing and/or pricing on point.
Not the OP incidentally, who didn’t name the place although as soon as she described the location, I did think possibly Balham (albeit maybe too up and arrived for her description)
But I digress. My point is, now that I have seen some of the stuff the owner is coming out with, I’ll probably give it a wide berth. He/She sounds a bit loopy.

On a separate note, I’m also loving the Peacock owners TA reviews.

Blimey whoever said 'building site' wasn't far wrong

Didn't think they'd be allowed to open a child focussed establishment until all that was sorted.

I think my favourite part of this thread was someone yelling "ABSOLUTE UTTERCUNT"

Then.

"Oopsy wrong thread. Soz."

😂😂😂

“like a shite version of David Lloyd’s (but a hell of a lot cheaper).l

I think @mykingdomforacamel is missing a trick if s/he isn’t in business doing social media PR.

What a fun thread. An hour i'll never get back, but so worth it.

@Bejum Thank you. I cringed so hard that I have definitely done my kegels for the day.

Brilliant OP!

Oh wow. That owner is beyond rude. They have done themselves no favours by posting on here or replying to review in the way they have.

Further shocking news is that the owner is asking on FB about paediatric first aid courses for her staff for ASAP!

I saw that too kiwi

Stable, horse, bolted comes to mind

Surely you can't open a soft play cafe or claim to offer childcare services (while customers have spa treatments for example) when you don't have qualified childcare staff?

Who regulates this sort of thing?

She is now threatening people that their attendance is being "recorded" and that false reviews will have their profile closed down by Facebook 🤣

What about all the fake reviews from the owner's friends?

--Also Facebook don't give a shit

As a former childcare provider I can spot at least 5 major health and safety breaches on their facebook page alone. The lack of banister on the stairs leading to the "tree house" really worries me. Someone needs to phone the council / ofstead as they are providing a childcare service and have to adhere to the same (very strict) rules as everyone else I would imagine. They cannot be open and operating as they are. I would not let my child anywhere near this place.

I’ve followed this thread from the beginning. What in the world is the owner hoping to achieve by basically threatening customers.

I’ve just seen the reviews on Facebook and I’m 😮

Also I bet money that the review section on Facebook gets pulled before long. It seems to be turning into a bun fight

Data protection anybody? I do hope Childsplay Brasserie don't share names and details of their customers with facebook as they threaten in the screenshot!