AIBU to never go here again & tell everyone I know how awful it is?

[FrazzledCareerWoman]

New fancy "mums brasserie" type place has opened in the London suburb where I live. Think zone 3, up and coming area. Lots of yummy mummies, baby classes, mums fitness, etc around. People have money to spend.

So they open this place that is marketed as a wellness and foodie experience where you can have lunch and spa treatments while they watch your little darlings. Sounds amazing, non?

They also will have classes for the kids that are put on by external providers, and a soft play area.

Okay, fine. Me and NCT friend decide to go and check it out just for lunch.

Well, I think I'm still in shock. No alcohol at all firstly - I tried to order a glass of Prosecco and they were like "what's that"? So clearly missing a trick there 🤷🏻‍♀️

Secondly, waiting staff obviously had never worked in so much as a greasy spoon previously as they were faffing around doing very little, extremely inattentive and managed to take an hour to bring our starters and a further 30 mins for our next courses. To be fair they claimed this was due to a power cut (which lasted about 5 mins after we had already been waiting for an hour).

Thirdly, it was eye wateringly expensive. Their sushi chef hadn't started yet and so they was barely anything on the menu that was available.

Our bill was £43, no alcohol, 1 tea, 1 latte, 1 dip with crudités, 1 broccoli soup, 1 stale foccacia slice, 1 eggs Benedict with cold sauce , 1 basic salad.

I waited an hour for a “Japanese style avocado salad” that was cucumber tomato and iceberg lettuce. The bread with my soup was stale.

So you would think we were offered our meal for free after all that wouldn't you? Well not only am I ashamed to say I didn't blink and paid the full £43 when asked but the owner had the audacity to offer us "a free dish next time you come".

I feel like they are totally ruining something that could have been great! And they are clearly mental and have done zero research. Membership is around £500 a year.

Just speechless.

Moggy quite. Baffling!

Maybe they are ostrich eggs? Explain the price. Admittedly never purchase one, but I'm assuming they are more expensive than a chicken egg.

Also if the ostrich lives in the kitchen it'd explain the hygine rating.

Think I'm on to something here

Updating a thread isn't the same as a zombie thread. 1/5 for good hygiene is pretty dire.

Anyway really posting to express my shock that anyone wouldn't know what hundreds and thousands are. They're the best! I would say sprinkles are round whereas hundreds and thousands (which are sold as that aren't they) are long.

Also if the ostrich lives in the kitchen it'd explain the hygine rating

Does the Ostrich wash its hands though?

I would say sprinkles are round whereas hundreds and thousands (which are sold as that aren't they) are long.

No, no, it's the other way round!

OMG  thanks for the update!! @BudgieHammockBananaSmuggler

I almost spat out my Prosecco laughing at the men's back wax (£150 - on sale! Usually £300) with extra for the bum @VaggieMight

It really is the gift that keeps on giving 🤣

Sorry @DippyAvocado I said it the wrong way around didn't I? Useless.

Part of the problems is that one of those little tubs lasts a gazillion years so I never give 100s and 1000s the thought they deserve. Though some people like them on bread don't they? Is that an Australian thing or have I made that up?

@Namechangeforthiscancershit it's the Dutch. They have a chocolate version on bread. It's called Hagelslag

You sound weird

Australian also. My lovely SIL who is from Melbourne is waging a campaign to have 'fairy bread' (white bread; butter and sprinkles) introduced as a party food.

None of us gets it. Not even her own dual citizen offspring.

I went to a newly opened pub once , owned by a celebrity chef. It was open but when we ordered a coke (me)and a guiness (DH) they had neither. They had no food, not even crisps or peanuts and it was still a building site when we went in. The only reason we stopped was because we had gone for a walk and i had morning sickness and hoped food/drink might help. We never went again but it closed down a few years later.

I am very glad that resurrecting this thread brought some happiness and joy in these bleak times, albeit with more than a hint of shadenfreude. I was a bit nervous about the zombification, but this was one of my favourite threads of all time so I thought it was worth the risk

Done some research 100s and 1000s are balls. But the come under the umbrella of sprinkles. Sprinkles can also be strands.

This thread has given me such a laugh on a shit day.

My god, the bonus bum clean with your coffee and childcare 😂

Missed this thread first time round, it's gold - including the heads up about the Peacock at Bakewell crazy TripAdvisor comments!

Oh my days, i woke the baby up snorting!

Jesus Christ, one of the website pages begins with my new favourite word, "mindplay".

Where do they do the waxing on one of the tables whilst you eat then charge you for watching it

Is it still “cash only”.
I suspect they don’t need that many real customers but could disguise a large amount of cash being laundered by the hint of the place being expensive.
Perhaps the hygiene rating is down to employing a zero hour min wage chef,you get what you pay for.
The health and safety for the play area sounds none existentent.I am surprised that has not had the place closed down by itself.

You sound weird

What a helpful and interesting contribution @Loaf90

I'm so glad this has had an update, funniest thread in a long time.

Why isn't this thread in Classics? It's just brilliant! Weeping at the extra fiver for a hairy bum.

DH and I spent far too long last night reading the TripAdvisor reviews on the Peacock Inn. Peacock Man would appear to have the accolade of Angriest Man Alive!

Not going to moan about the wellness stuff, it gets right on my tits as well but it will sell well. So many places seem to be like this now, offering all this luxury whilst ballsing up the basics. Smaller, rotated menus are the way to do things when you arnt a cheap chain type.

Staff, even experienced ones will need to actually practice with new systems. Somebody said further up, a lot of chains put on practice nights with tickets before opening, heed a lot at the place Ive done it (realise this is rarely an option).

Most of all dont try to blag. Most people are happy to deal with small problems if theyre kept informed. Get the basics right or there is no point doing the other stuff.

Ohh and the alcohol thing. I dont think in any other country they would see it as a problem serving it in this situation. Its just we have such an unhealthy attitude with it here. Decent wine can be healthy and it should be normalised drinking it that way rather than our binge culture in which middle class mothers see it as something to joke and be 'bad' about.