AIBU to never go here again & tell everyone I know how awful it is?

[FrazzledCareerWoman]

New fancy "mums brasserie" type place has opened in the London suburb where I live. Think zone 3, up and coming area. Lots of yummy mummies, baby classes, mums fitness, etc around. People have money to spend.

So they open this place that is marketed as a wellness and foodie experience where you can have lunch and spa treatments while they watch your little darlings. Sounds amazing, non?

They also will have classes for the kids that are put on by external providers, and a soft play area.

Okay, fine. Me and NCT friend decide to go and check it out just for lunch.

Well, I think I'm still in shock. No alcohol at all firstly - I tried to order a glass of Prosecco and they were like "what's that"? So clearly missing a trick there 🤷🏻‍♀️

Secondly, waiting staff obviously had never worked in so much as a greasy spoon previously as they were faffing around doing very little, extremely inattentive and managed to take an hour to bring our starters and a further 30 mins for our next courses. To be fair they claimed this was due to a power cut (which lasted about 5 mins after we had already been waiting for an hour).

Thirdly, it was eye wateringly expensive. Their sushi chef hadn't started yet and so they was barely anything on the menu that was available.

Our bill was £43, no alcohol, 1 tea, 1 latte, 1 dip with crudités, 1 broccoli soup, 1 stale foccacia slice, 1 eggs Benedict with cold sauce , 1 basic salad.

I waited an hour for a “Japanese style avocado salad” that was cucumber tomato and iceberg lettuce. The bread with my soup was stale.

So you would think we were offered our meal for free after all that wouldn't you? Well not only am I ashamed to say I didn't blink and paid the full £43 when asked but the owner had the audacity to offer us "a free dish next time you come".

I feel like they are totally ruining something that could have been great! And they are clearly mental and have done zero research. Membership is around £500 a year.

Just speechless.

Why didn't my gif show?

Oops sorry, duplicate. Web browser froze.

This thread is making me miss London so much! I loved the Londoner version of me and all these things that are outrageous when they aren't available right now! I can't even get domino's delivered to my house now totally different world haha :)

@bubblegumunicorn they won’t deliver to us, either. A friend (me) May have got a bit shouty at Dominos HQ arguing the toss about them refusing to deliver to our village that is nearer than other places the DO deliver to. Not that our village is near absolutely nothing and we’re probably the only people here who would order it (the rest of the village are no doubt out in posh places eating foam and soil)

Fucking Dominos

I’m really hoping all this thread is real - the OP, ‘the owner’ and Bejam.

I can only assume the ‘owner’ is in fact a rival business head as no-one would be so dumb & unprofessional as to write a pompous, arsey Basil Fawlty riposte pissing off their potential customer base.

Nah - it’s all too good to be true. It must be the DM at work.

Just had a sneaky peek at the menu. Had to chuckle at the 'Eggs Benedict but we don't make it with ham, we make it with smoked salmon' . Has no one told the owner that eggs benedict IS made with ham? If you take away the ham and make it with smoked salmon it's an Egg Royale. It seems from the website, and the menu, that they're trying to sound very educated/ up market/a cut above the rest! That only really works if you are up market ( or at least can pay for a good proof reader to make sure what you're writing is actually correct).

Community my arse.

The sole purpose of a £500 membership fee for a child friendly cafe in Tooting is to ensure that the space is inaccessible to the majority of the local community.

@childplaybrasserie when you google your business, under the photos section there is a photo of your MacBook showing an email from another business saying an order can’t be delivered... Delete that, it’s not very professional.

Alcohol is a must at a child’s play venue. It could have been such a good idea also, poorly executed

@Bunnyfuller do we live in the same place? haha I know I crave it all the time! I worked for them in London so I could always get a cheeky out of location delivery or a nice discount even after I left! Funny thing is they delivered it to us on our first weekend here! Which was a life saver as we had no internet or mobile data to order from anywhere else!

I would have preferred to email you privately

No, you’d have rather slaughtered a new business and moan on mumsnet about a £43 bill for lunch for two, which is perfectly acceptable here in the Midlands.

Lol love, you’re cheap but think you’re posh.

Ps, maybe see an AA advisor about that prosecco habit, your poor baby doesn’t need mummy to be pissed when she is supposed to be at a wellness centre.

Nombre

did the poster who went off for a picnic in the park with her kids with SQUASH (after being so rude to me about alcohol) ever come back?

Am like seriously losing like track of all the different types of snobbery on hereand the pretending to be but not really beingswhere we up to?? Is everything wanky or inverted wankery or not wanky? Please advise

which is perfectly acceptable here in the Midlands.

Lol love, you’re cheap but think you’re posh.

Curried spaghetti is perfectly acceptable in the Midlands.

Gotta love a snippy Brum’s attempt at snobbery.

Have you considered they haven't got their alcohol licence yet?

Am like seriously losing like track of all the different types of snobbery on here and the pretending to be but not really being where are we up to?? Is everything wanky or inverted wankery or not wanky? Please advise

I can’t I’m lost too.

mother

I've just had a great 20 minutes reading the website of this place. 'The Concept' is hilariously wanky. I would definitely buy an annual pass, and look forward to my child benefiting from all that Montessori softplay learning within days

This has got to feature on MN best ever non?

Lol love, you’re cheap but think you’re posh

hahaha cheap because you want value for money and to be served within an hour and not have to ask were half your meal is

The word "wellness" makes my heckles come up.

What a crock of shit.

Be interesting to see if they're still trading in 12 months time.................

‘Pampered daddy’ as soon as I saw that on the menu I was done - as for ‘bliss balls’

We do all know this used to be where the post office was? Maybe that’s why the door situation was what thenroyal mail left behind.

Not that I know tooting - it’s a bit far south London for me (wanky enough there mother?) but a quick street view at ‘unit 2’ was enlightening!

"Am like seriously losing like track of all the different types of snobbery on here and the pretending to be but not really being where are we up to?? Is everything wanky or inverted wankery or not wanky? Please advise"

@Mother87 my work here is done

Gosh, what a fantastic thread! 😁 For the record I’d completely expect a wellness ‘brasserie’ or indeed bistro to at least offer an organic wine or craft beer alongside their avocados and carefully selected, locally sourced, fresh, sugar free Nutella and bubblegum candy floss. Had a little giggle at the outrage at the idea his might be an option in a soft play cafe. Ironic since the soft play is yet to be built. Thanks for this OP. 😆