AIBU to never go here again & tell everyone I know how awful it is?

[FrazzledCareerWoman]

New fancy "mums brasserie" type place has opened in the London suburb where I live. Think zone 3, up and coming area. Lots of yummy mummies, baby classes, mums fitness, etc around. People have money to spend.

So they open this place that is marketed as a wellness and foodie experience where you can have lunch and spa treatments while they watch your little darlings. Sounds amazing, non?

They also will have classes for the kids that are put on by external providers, and a soft play area.

Okay, fine. Me and NCT friend decide to go and check it out just for lunch.

Well, I think I'm still in shock. No alcohol at all firstly - I tried to order a glass of Prosecco and they were like "what's that"? So clearly missing a trick there 🤷🏻‍♀️

Secondly, waiting staff obviously had never worked in so much as a greasy spoon previously as they were faffing around doing very little, extremely inattentive and managed to take an hour to bring our starters and a further 30 mins for our next courses. To be fair they claimed this was due to a power cut (which lasted about 5 mins after we had already been waiting for an hour).

Thirdly, it was eye wateringly expensive. Their sushi chef hadn't started yet and so they was barely anything on the menu that was available.

Our bill was £43, no alcohol, 1 tea, 1 latte, 1 dip with crudités, 1 broccoli soup, 1 stale foccacia slice, 1 eggs Benedict with cold sauce , 1 basic salad.

I waited an hour for a “Japanese style avocado salad” that was cucumber tomato and iceberg lettuce. The bread with my soup was stale.

So you would think we were offered our meal for free after all that wouldn't you? Well not only am I ashamed to say I didn't blink and paid the full £43 when asked but the owner had the audacity to offer us "a free dish next time you come".

I feel like they are totally ruining something that could have been great! And they are clearly mental and have done zero research. Membership is around £500 a year.

Just speechless.

The lolipops on the kids menu were the last straw for me

Sorry, you have to pay £500 membership a year before you even buy a drink or lunch? Good God. Or have I missed something? I mean, I know London prices in many locations are utterly out of whack with the rest of the country, but really?

That amount, by the way, would buy you around ten excellent lunches, cooked from scratch, at either of our lovely, family-owned Japanese restaurants here in a small coastal town in the West Country, including alcoholic drinks, your choice of green tea varieties, and a lovely dessert. Their mango cheesecake in particular is gorgeous. And though I'm not a fan of sushi, the friend who usually accompanies me there says it is fresh and lovely - it's definitely beautifully presented.

Admittedly you're unlikely to mingle with the jet set or be seen to be in a fashionable location where all the "beautiful people" hang out (they let us in, for starters) but you will get nice, clean surroundings, lovely, personal service, and excellent, beautifully presented, authentic food that is as good as anything I ate in Japan....

Sorry, you have to pay £500 membership a year before you even buy a drink or lunch?

No. Anyone can go there. If you pay your £500/£240 (if anyone is still planning to sign up this week after this thread ) you get soft play, childcare, baby classes, babychinos and 5% off your food bill. So the money off the food really isn’t the main selling point.

Where’s the website? What page? I’m battling grinning at verbal swordplay and wanting to find the link

But I do really want to know where you mean canny. I’m from the West Country originally (now I live somewhere where people actually do have to pay for the privilege of buying food- Soho Farmhouse looking at you) and things like that make me wish I could move back! I love sushi. Can you give me initials for the town?

Bunnyfuller, it's www.childsplay.london/.

"FEATURED ACROSS INTERNATIONAL PUBLICATIONS LED BY AWARD WINNING GLOBAL ENTREPRENEURS". Ooh, so fancee. What international publications are those, then?

I reckon anyone thinking of signing up for a year's membership would be well advised to hold off for a few months.

I reckon anyone thinking of signing up for a year's membership would be well advised to hold off for a few months

But by then they will have opened in Dubai, Hong Kong, Manchester and somewhere else apparently!

check your spellings childsplay its very unprofessional

fully admit it's a bit cuntish to go somewhere like that in the first place. But that's what happens when you live it London, like boiling a frog . One minute you're shopping at Lidl and the next you're ordering champagne lambrinis from a 35 yr old waiter with a man bun 🤷🏻‍♀️ what can I say, I've been here 8years. No hope for me crying 😭 here

Omg it really is Del Boy! Paris, New York, Tooting!

It does sound v poncey, DH and I have a good giggle at those and critique them: @childplaybrasserie why no foam? Not even a trowelful of soil. Come on, you’re not trying.

Do you do chips?

I like the idea that this kind of thing is only in London.

I have just had dinner in a place that serves locally produced beers and locally roasted coffee and a freshly made menu all served by two men with man buns.
This is in a town which is always called a shit hole when mentioned on MN.
It’s not all Zizzi’s out here in the provinces you know.

Do you do chips?

How dare you expect such a thing as tatties in a place like that!

That menu! OMG, won't someone think of the children?! They killed Kenny!

I realise that it's Lent but a lollipop of edamame beans, c'mon to fuck, seriously! Even the Poor Claires are allowed a drop of red wine at Mass (not going to slag off prosecco, even though I really want to).

Namechange yeah, and the soft play area and the garden will be open. Probably.

do you do chips?
😉

@ChesterGreySideboard that sounds lovely. Can I move there? Probably need to after this thread

Automatic doors are unsafe for children and having a heavy door means that children can't escape

Having a heavy non automatic door also means that anyone who uses a wheelchair/mobility aid/has a hand or arm difficulty can't even get in the door in the first place, let alone escape

Have you got an accessibility plan Childsplay? What about having children with SEND in the childcare bits? Are you fully compliant with the requirements of the Equality Act 2010?

And fwiw have you tried your unicorn menu out on real kids or is it what an adult thinks kids will like and should be eating? Because neither of my kids will go near that despite eating all sorts usually.

This thread kills me. BTW OP in case you hadn't noticed there are lots of cafe restaurant places in Tooting that don't serve alcohol. That's the demographic. Maybe the owners are local.

yeah, and the soft play area and the garden will be open. Probably

@Ullupullu yes, unfortunately they advertised it as a brasserie which implies you can order an alcoholic drink with your food.

I'm astounded this thread is on over 400 posts!

... and I'm tearing up at the poster who gets that the OP is being tongue-in-cheek but thinks my "champagne lambrini" comment is snobbery.

Although it is fact.

My thoughts go out to you at this terrible time xx

Do you live inside this sketch? love a good ponce out sesh myself to be fair. I shall and must have clams.

• @ChesterGreySideboard that sounds lovely. Can I move there? Probably need to after this thread*

We had a rather preachy cafe open near to us, it didn't last long and we basically live in baby town. Apparently understanding that most Mums want decent coffee, good cake and nice lunches in a clean cafe with a few toys was a bit beyond the owner.

The Soft Play down the road does amazing cakes and even has a chef unlike the Brasserie and is always busy.

London stuff seems so twatty sometimes!

Chucky is bad enough on his own, imagine him with alcohol. Or lots of little Chuckys running around with alcohol in their system.

Don't fuqk,
with the Chuck!

Indeed. lol

Seriously though, who names their business - one who has a play area for children at that - after a horror movie? Yeah maybe they didn't name it after the movie, but seriously its like they didn't put much thought into the name.