AIBU to never go here again & tell everyone I know how awful it is?

[FrazzledCareerWoman]

New fancy "mums brasserie" type place has opened in the London suburb where I live. Think zone 3, up and coming area. Lots of yummy mummies, baby classes, mums fitness, etc around. People have money to spend.

So they open this place that is marketed as a wellness and foodie experience where you can have lunch and spa treatments while they watch your little darlings. Sounds amazing, non?

They also will have classes for the kids that are put on by external providers, and a soft play area.

Okay, fine. Me and NCT friend decide to go and check it out just for lunch.

Well, I think I'm still in shock. No alcohol at all firstly - I tried to order a glass of Prosecco and they were like "what's that"? So clearly missing a trick there 🤷🏻‍♀️

Secondly, waiting staff obviously had never worked in so much as a greasy spoon previously as they were faffing around doing very little, extremely inattentive and managed to take an hour to bring our starters and a further 30 mins for our next courses. To be fair they claimed this was due to a power cut (which lasted about 5 mins after we had already been waiting for an hour).

Thirdly, it was eye wateringly expensive. Their sushi chef hadn't started yet and so they was barely anything on the menu that was available.

Our bill was £43, no alcohol, 1 tea, 1 latte, 1 dip with crudités, 1 broccoli soup, 1 stale foccacia slice, 1 eggs Benedict with cold sauce , 1 basic salad.

I waited an hour for a “Japanese style avocado salad” that was cucumber tomato and iceberg lettuce. The bread with my soup was stale.

So you would think we were offered our meal for free after all that wouldn't you? Well not only am I ashamed to say I didn't blink and paid the full £43 when asked but the owner had the audacity to offer us "a free dish next time you come".

I feel like they are totally ruining something that could have been great! And they are clearly mental and have done zero research. Membership is around £500 a year.

Just speechless.

The missing apostrophe annoyed me right from the start and that shop sign will be expensive to put right !

OP👍🏼👍🏼

Heron - prime wankiness there

I especially like the claim in the membership benefits section that you get 5% OF certain offerings. Maybe an investment to be had?

You can see where Catherine Tate got her material. It's really not that exaggerated

Have you considered they haven't got their alcohol licence yet

You need to rtft Fowles. The comments from @ChildsplayBrasserie about the alcohol are priceless

In fact OP - this has turned into something of a wankery exposé - sterling work
we possibly need a top wankery award emoji to save time

Actually I suspect the comments re alcohol were to hide the fact there is no license. I suspect no one working there is in possession of a personal licence in order to obtain a premesis licence. Maybe the head chef had one. (It’s becoming clearer why he left) I do hope though that there are fully qualified childcare staff delivering this learning!

mother I do try such a rich seam in this thread.

Website is full of mistakes and looks like the copy has been written by a non-native English speaker. All the references to Montessori comes across as hype and buzzwords.
The business name is cringy and does not describe what the business does. A cafe that does not serve alcohol is not a brasserie. Brasseries do not offer beauty treatments either.
The business launch has not been well-planned as it seems a lot of the planned services are not available.
I don't know the demographic but for wellness plus childcare around here (outer SE) there is a Nuffield gym that has a crèche plus full gym/wide range of classes/swimming pool and cafe for £60pcm and they have a beauty salon ...far better value!!

Well it’s a lot cheaper then Purple Dragon.

I’m waiting for someone from the food service industry to enlighten me here; but if you were planning on serving alcohol and needed a license, would you not obtain that licence well in advance? You’d want to stock up and have it published on your menu at the very least?

I’d have also thought ziggie that they might have waited to open until they had a chef, a means of taking money, all the things they advertise as offering ‘in future’. It would be brave if someone to pay a £500 membership in the hope that these kings might materialise.

Website is full of mistakes and looks like the copy has been written by a non-native English speaker.

... except the description of the beauty treatments, which is beutifully written. Because it's lifted from the website of the beauty company the non-brasserie is "partnered" with.

if you were planning on serving alcohol and needed a license, would you not obtain that licence well in advance?

Well, yes, but if you were planning a place where mummies could enjoy delicious healthy meals while their darlings explore the world à la Montessori you'd have the soft play area up and running, wouldn't you?

Or maybe that's just me. But hey, if I were opening as a brasserie I'd have, yanno, a chef.

Excuse my typos, I’m as bad as the brasserie web page!

Oh, Booboo, you posted while I was typing. Great minds, huh?

I love reading defensive wanktastic responses to customer reviews on trip advisor and this has to be one of the best (With the exception of The Peacock in Bakewell which is a whole new level of twattery)
You've done yourself no favours and you had the option to respond and draw yourself a lot of business in from here, a site which as plenty of your target customers.
Oh dear. You really need to take on board what people are saying. There's a lot of good advice but I get the impression you think otherwise.
Your customers ARE your business. Without them, there is no business.

Gin You need to enlighten us on the peacock review. Is this an actual peacock that’s offended someone or a premises named as such?

GinandGinger - I just HAD to take a look on TA at The Peacock in Bakewell for the 'whole new level of twattery' - strewth!! You're not wrong there!! Defensive non? Oui?

Well I’m off to work there as a TA

£25k - £45k... that’s quite a salary range, first of all. I wonder what someone would have to do to meet the requirements of the top salary band for this establishment.

Ziggiestardust - they probably need to be an 'extra awesome educator' to hit that paygrade

Everything about this thread is brilliant sorry but I just love it, it gets better with every page

@ChesterGreySideboard I've seen this sort of advert so many times in Bristol for very similar type business models. They are always such cluster fuck places to work, often run by people who made money in finance or such.

They are basically trying to live there own dream (their version of moving to a small holding in the country side) but unfortunately to do this they end up having to compromise their ethics to make their 'dream' a profitable business.

Its ironic and sad this is the way it often pans out, but even sadder for the staff that end up being blamed for all the issues when they are usually on minimum wage and the chefs who walk out because they are sick of using better buy ingredients advertised on the menu as 'natural, organic' ect

I'd like to know if the trial shifts they do are paid, and if not are they expected to work an 8 hour shift for free before they are given the role? Soft play even dressed up like his business, with its mistakes online and everything else just says NO to me