AIBU to never go here again & tell everyone I know how awful it is?

[FrazzledCareerWoman]

New fancy "mums brasserie" type place has opened in the London suburb where I live. Think zone 3, up and coming area. Lots of yummy mummies, baby classes, mums fitness, etc around. People have money to spend.

So they open this place that is marketed as a wellness and foodie experience where you can have lunch and spa treatments while they watch your little darlings. Sounds amazing, non?

They also will have classes for the kids that are put on by external providers, and a soft play area.

Okay, fine. Me and NCT friend decide to go and check it out just for lunch.

Well, I think I'm still in shock. No alcohol at all firstly - I tried to order a glass of Prosecco and they were like "what's that"? So clearly missing a trick there 🤷🏻‍♀️

Secondly, waiting staff obviously had never worked in so much as a greasy spoon previously as they were faffing around doing very little, extremely inattentive and managed to take an hour to bring our starters and a further 30 mins for our next courses. To be fair they claimed this was due to a power cut (which lasted about 5 mins after we had already been waiting for an hour).

Thirdly, it was eye wateringly expensive. Their sushi chef hadn't started yet and so they was barely anything on the menu that was available.

Our bill was £43, no alcohol, 1 tea, 1 latte, 1 dip with crudités, 1 broccoli soup, 1 stale foccacia slice, 1 eggs Benedict with cold sauce , 1 basic salad.

I waited an hour for a “Japanese style avocado salad” that was cucumber tomato and iceberg lettuce. The bread with my soup was stale.

So you would think we were offered our meal for free after all that wouldn't you? Well not only am I ashamed to say I didn't blink and paid the full £43 when asked but the owner had the audacity to offer us "a free dish next time you come".

I feel like they are totally ruining something that could have been great! And they are clearly mental and have done zero research. Membership is around £500 a year.

Just speechless.

I couldn't find their wedsite

Well I think it is brave of them to come on here and state their case.

However I do want to point out to them that putting a # in the text of your website doesn’t really do anything other than make you look a tit.

I’m guessing the lack of alcohol is due to a lack of licence.

automatic doors that every supermarket and child play area along with family venues have (at least in the first world country I live in) are unsafe for children? What the actual F??? What rubbish! Where does this store rep live? Afghanistan? Bogota? Automatic doors have been standard where I am since the early 80s. It is also for safety so a child doesn't get trapped in a building because they cannot open a heavy door. The rep from the store sounds so illinformed and completely bonkers.

The Fyre Festival of cafes!

Brilliant. I'm filing this one away for future use, the Fyre Festival of brasseries, no alcohol!

Trying to keep up with this thread but I’m just on the phone to MasterCard to see if they’ll take payments in visions and dreams

We had a hipstersish chippy open near us, they were cash only but only told me after I'd ordered they did apologise and said it was because they had only just opened. Well it's been over a year and they still only take cash and there is no sign about. We just don't bother going now.

@ChildsplayBrasserie (does Chucky the Good guy Doll serve there? Just joking) "Hello, thank you for understanding that a simple private email to us would certainly have been much appreciated and also perhaps more productive."
Perhaps you could have also privately messaged the OP, instead of outing yourself on here and possibly attracting more criticism as a result.

This thread needs to go in classics, I am CRYING at these responses 😂😂😂

Have you and your friends all got nannies op??

SSD what difference would that make? I have a nanny. Is that alright?

@dementedma Mental also has various meanings, too. adjective
of or relating to the mind:
mental powers; mental suffering.
of, relating to, or affected by a disorder of the mind:
a mental patient; mental illness.
providing care for persons with disordered minds, emotions, etc.:
a mental hospital.
performed by or existing in the mind:
mental arithmetic; a mental note.
pertaining to intellectuals or intellectual activity.

Fact is you went looking to be offended where no offence was meant and got called out on your ablist username.

You have what you like ziggie I wasn't asking you

@ssd you’re just trying to derail the thread with off topic rubbish.

Go away ziggie, I couldn't care less what you think, it's not your thread to decide what is or isn't discussed.

"I couldn't find their wedsite"

Oh do come on Stealth, shape up! With all the massive hints, location and the appearance on this thread by the owner (?), you don't have to be Miss Marple to work it out

😂 stop ssd, you’re looking ridiculous. You made a silly, judgy comment about a Nanny and you’ve been called out. I used to know people like you.

here is the website in case you were wondering stealth 😉

Blimey you are weird ziggy, I'll leave you to it now.

I'm now craving creamy broccoli soup (no croutons, I don't have enough cash on me) with non-sushi (because there's no sushi chef) . . . said no one ever.

£8 for a bowl of Surprise (broccoli) soup shock

But it's only £6 if you wait till 'After Hours'. You could even buy a half pint with the difference. Oh, wait . . .

"Language such as 'entrepreneurs work tirelessly to creat visions' just sounds pretentious"
Yes, it does sound so incredibly wanky and pretentious, very try-hard. All style and no substance. I have noticed with these 'health food' nutters though that a lot of them do talk like this; they talk like they're taken several hits of marijuana and they are off with the pixies. I blame the lack of nutrition. KISS. Keep It Simple is the key. You are not writing a thesis. You do not have to use words like visions, delectable, fresh, dreams, etc. You're a cafe. Stop trying so hard. You sound desperate. Talk like a normal person, not like you're stoned and using a thesaurus.

I am still PMSL at the automatic doors being bad for kids though. Although it does sound like something someone stoned out of their brain would say, so I guess it fits, but oh my god pmsl.

Maybe @ChildsplayBrasserie should swallow some real food, and stop swallowing thesauruses.

piebald I’m still stuck on EIGHT POUNDS for a bowl of PORRIDGE.

I don't have a nanny and neither do any of my friends, but I struggle to see what that has to do with anything other than the inverted snobbery brigade trying to derail again.

I missed that part, ziggie, I was too distracted at popcorn for breakfast, non-sushi and a dry brasserie.

I don’t think childsplay wants everyone custom. They want a rich clientele - I’m not a yummy mummy I don’t think they’d want me as a customer

Just saw the link to their site.

I had a little girl with whom I would seek great places that could aesthetically excite as well as delight my taste buds.
Fuqking hell!
Jesus of Nazareth, WHO talks like that?!??? The writer sounds like she/he's either: had a stroke, swallowed a thesaurus, malnourished (are they vegan I wonder), done several deep drags of marijuanna straight before writing this, or are a resident of Mr Bean's planet. Seriously, wtf is that person on? If I read something as bonkers and unhinged sounding as that, I'd back away slowly.

Try talking like a normal human being, @ChildsplayBrasserie , if that is at all possible. Your website is horrific, and the wording you use makes me concerned you'd have drugs on the premises. It's a fooking eatery. It's not a 'concept'. People go there to eat. Not to aesthetically excite your child's eyes or tastebuds. They are going to jump and play and have fun. While you're having a fooking cup of coffee or something.

It is no more than that. Stop trying so hard to sound posh, as if you are the only one in the world who thought of the 'concept' (pmsl) of a kids play area with an eatery. Even fooking McDonalds thought of it before you - the only difference is you serve rabbit food dressed up in a name using 6 adjectives from a thesaurus! Get over yourself.