AIBU to never go here again & tell everyone I know how awful it is?

[FrazzledCareerWoman]

New fancy "mums brasserie" type place has opened in the London suburb where I live. Think zone 3, up and coming area. Lots of yummy mummies, baby classes, mums fitness, etc around. People have money to spend.

So they open this place that is marketed as a wellness and foodie experience where you can have lunch and spa treatments while they watch your little darlings. Sounds amazing, non?

They also will have classes for the kids that are put on by external providers, and a soft play area.

Okay, fine. Me and NCT friend decide to go and check it out just for lunch.

Well, I think I'm still in shock. No alcohol at all firstly - I tried to order a glass of Prosecco and they were like "what's that"? So clearly missing a trick there 🤷🏻‍♀️

Secondly, waiting staff obviously had never worked in so much as a greasy spoon previously as they were faffing around doing very little, extremely inattentive and managed to take an hour to bring our starters and a further 30 mins for our next courses. To be fair they claimed this was due to a power cut (which lasted about 5 mins after we had already been waiting for an hour).

Thirdly, it was eye wateringly expensive. Their sushi chef hadn't started yet and so they was barely anything on the menu that was available.

Our bill was £43, no alcohol, 1 tea, 1 latte, 1 dip with crudités, 1 broccoli soup, 1 stale foccacia slice, 1 eggs Benedict with cold sauce , 1 basic salad.

I waited an hour for a “Japanese style avocado salad” that was cucumber tomato and iceberg lettuce. The bread with my soup was stale.

So you would think we were offered our meal for free after all that wouldn't you? Well not only am I ashamed to say I didn't blink and paid the full £43 when asked but the owner had the audacity to offer us "a free dish next time you come".

I feel like they are totally ruining something that could have been great! And they are clearly mental and have done zero research. Membership is around £500 a year.

Just speechless.

And state upfront they are cash only.

Oh, god! I have a friend who's a publican. They didn't open until they could take all forms of payment because, duh. You, well, when running a business, you rather want people to come in and spend a lot of money.

I once had vodka and Red Bull in pitchers. DH had Tuesdays off and I was between jobs so we met some of his work colleagues in a pub in the middle of the afternoon and started quaffing these pitchers. We didn't bother with the condoms and our first child came along 38 weeks later , 16 this year.

Cash only - nightmare I rarely carry cash

Same! I use my phone or my watch.

cash only?| does that include the membership fee aswell

to the owner if youre having staff problems i.e the chef you dont try and still serve the whole menu it just wont work-you apologise and serve cake or just sandwiches not serve substandard food

Oh piebald ! congrats btw.

I really wish that theses business owners who come on forums like this to try and defend themselves would get a bit of professional marketing or Social media advice. They don’t help themselves

I worry that actually there are a lot of crisis comms PR companies who think they 'get' social media who would be advising the business owner to come in and own her own.

It's all just hideous.

So, you have to pay for 'membership' of cafe's in London..?

So glad I am in the provinces!

agentpeggycarter I don’t offer social media services but often advise my clients to look at it as part of an overall approach and offer introductions if appropriate. Too many times I’ve heard “no, it’s ok me/my wife/ my daughter/ some bloke I met in the pub can update the FB page and stick something on Twitter from time to time”
Bad SM is worse than none at all and too many non specialists think they can do it - all too often they can’t

yes, its annoying when its cash only for something you are going to spend £40+ on.
I am generally suspicious of business's who are cash only, maybe the first few days of business but when its been open a year+ it seems suspect.
And if they are not right by a cashpoint i avoid. There is another place in tooting like that (but 5 mins south of the tube) and first time we went in we realised it was cash only and had to count out our change to see what we could eat. We haven't bothered returning due to the hassle of remembering (and always thinking it a bit suspect they have never got a card machine)

Bejam wow what a load of old bollocks. Many people born into the working classes (i.e. your bottom rung folk, even LOWER than the 'nouveau riche'/lower middle classes) could think of nothing more cringeworthy, attention-seeking or contrived than constant indications of perceived wealth. It depends on whether you happen to be a show-off or not, that is all. Could you sound any more snotty?

Whereas tearing someone apart for being what you describe as stereotypical lower middle class and nouveau riche is oh so classy hmm

Well obviously it hit a raw nerve with you two. Go and read some anthropology books, studies on class and social interactions and maybe some literature on the depictions of class and wealth within our culture. This isn’t just my own personal opinion, its well documented phenomena.

So, you have to pay for 'membership' of cafe's in London..?

The payment will be for the childcare and classes. Depending on how much baby classes are in your area it wouldn’t work out too bad. The cafe bit isn’t really relevant as the membership only gets you 5% off which isn’t really here or there.

Cash only is bonkers. With iZettle and all the competitors there really isn’t any reason why even a brand new business needs to insist on cash.

This is really the Fyre Festival of cafes.

Good thread Frazzled and I like your robust replies to all the snark which was lobbed your way

Bejam haha oh dear I'm very well read, you can find myriad books to support your views on anything in the world, thank you for your direction though.
You didn't hit a raw nerve with me, I was glad to point out your hypocrisy. The whole thing smacked of a further education sociology class you've taken which has stuck with you.

Ooh, this place is almost down the road from me! I'm tempted to have a nosey...

With the extra spa stuff, it sounds like a place that opened near my house when my kids were the age that such things were just what I wanted - cafe, room of soft play and other toys, and instead of a spa there was a back room with computers etc so mums could do work or apply for jobs while the lovely childcare-trained staff kept the toddlers out of your hair.

It was almost brilliant. Unfortunately the first time I went I was served the worst cup of coffee I've had in my life. And my standards for coffee are pretty much hot, brown, caffienated, not actually vinegar. I had to ask for another and got about the third worst I'd ever had. The cakes weren't great either. I went a few more times but it just didn't get better, along with a few times that it was closed when it claimed to be open, and finally it closed. Shame.

In contrast, my favourite cafe is in fact the back room of a pub, that has baby groups in the front room in the mornings. They often have problems, but they have mastered communication, like a sign stuck on the door saying "Great news! We are getting a new coffee machine! The bad news - we can only serve you tea to drink today, but the cakes are excellent!"

A shocking mésalliance of Italian, Japanese and ponce

This is a superb turn of phrase

@Bejum you seem to be the biggest wanker of them all!

Hilarious thread OP!

Also I completely agree @childsplaybrasserie have bought their Instagram followers - how could they possibly have twenty seven thousand when they've been open for a week?!

I am surprised to see people say a health place wouldn't sell alcohol. Alcohol does have health benefits, red wine in linked to good cardio health, beer to good stomach health. There is no reason why just one glass of wine or even two would be considered unhealthy. So I certainly do not buy the health reason.

Like many other MNetters I dashed off for a look at the website.

Surely this business isn't feasible? For 240 a year you can turn up and just sit there all day long using the facilities? Doesn't seem to be any time limits on use.

Also find the name off putting. Child's Play and the connotation of everything that comes with that makes me feel queasy.

There are a lot of mistakes on the website and menu and I can't see anywhere where it says they only take cash. In this day and age?!

Child's play you need to get your menu proof read. For a start Desserts is spelt like that. I can't list all the mistakes I can see as there are so many. Another thing you might want to change is "Me Amore" to the correct "Mi Amore"

And yes. A brasserie is a brewery. I'd expect alcohol 🍷

Cash only!? Sounds like a tax evasion scheme to me... my husband is an electrician and got a card machine in 24 hours. No bueno, sorry.

Did they have a sign on the door? No one carries cash in London.

And what's "a dressing which"??

And have you purposely called different dishes the same thing? And purposely repeated dishes twice?

Aargh, most annoying menu ever.

I've just looked at the website out of curiosity as I think it's an interesting concept. I live in London and even by London standards £5 for a pot of tea is very expensive, particularly in a business which only takes cash. I just wouldn't pay that, unless it was in a particularly nice venue such as a west end hotel. The sort of people that this would be aimed at won't be carrying lots of cash; it's the card carrying generation. I don't know of any businesses in my area of London, other than local nail bars, which are cash only.

£8 for a bowl of porridge
£8 for a bowl of Surprise (broccoli) soup