To think we'll be better off moving

[anxiousmotherof1]

I am an expat here my husband is from the uk. We have a young child together married for 5 years
I want to move back but my husband is reluctant . I think our quality of life would be much better there . There are plenty of jobs in our field , we would have huge family support to help with occasional childcare , money go further there , i have inheritance which would mean a bigger house and is always sunny !
Aibu to think that most people would want to move ?? He has no close family here really just his brother we rearly see .

Where do you want to move to?

Its probably to outing but cyprus

Thing is the uk is your dh home, his from here so why would he want to leave? This is the life he knows, moving is a risk & scary.

The grass isn’t always greener and for some people for that reason they don’t want to risk moving.

Talk about it some more and that but don’t assume most people would want to move

I wouldn’t want to move.

It doesn’t mean your wrong, but neither is your husband.

Is there any way you could go for a trial for a year to see how it goes?

*you’re wrong

Even if your financial position would be much better ? I just cant see any reasons to stay and things are just getting worse

I dont see how we cam trial it ? We both have permanent jobs and a mortgage

Has he told you why he doesn't want to move?

@Littleraindrop15 he said because of language but really there are so many expats living there everyone speaks english and profeasionally everyone communicates in english

It could be sunny 365 days of the year, but the idea of moving to a foreign country to live surrounded by my in laws would make it a big fat NO from me - and I get on really well with my in laws! I'd actually much prefer to make a go of it just the two of us. I would find a big family nearby, however welcoming, very suffocating. And what would make it all the harder would be you having everything that you want - your home, your family, the lifestyle.

I'm not saying you're wrong - just that it would take a hell of a lot more than "I THINK our lifestyle would be better."

Ask him to sit down with you together and properly compare it based on hard facts - not guesswork.

What kind of house could you afford and where?
How often could you afford to come home?
Costs of living.
Days of sunlight.
Culture (NZ is my favourite place in the world, and I love the people, but they do Christmas WRONG!)

P.S. your inheritance could also mean a bigger house here... Just saying. You can't use that as something you'll give or withdraw at whim.

@thecatsthecats thanks for your perspective.
My family is small and they are not the interfering type not at all
My mum
Would not dream of coming bu without calling . I dont think thats his issue .
As for the inheritance is not cash is property and it wouldnt really buy us a bigger house here we would still have to get a huge mortgage to afford the same kind of house we qould have there .

And what about my ds education ?i dont have experience yet but reading some news about teaching primary age kids sexuality and transgenderism makes me feel very uncomfortable

Have you talked about it before? As in, it’s always been a possibility?

This isn’t a one conversation and make a decision kind of thing, especially with children involved.

Don’t turn it into an argument, it needs to be a productive, positive discourse to figure out the best for all of you. You both need to weigh up pros and cons and look into logistics and realities. Weigh up everything, healthcare, education, family, work etc. You need a full picture.

It may also not be that easy for him to get the correct visa. You’ll need to look in to that too.

I think you both need to be open to both staying or going and also committed to the idea that no decision would be forever (unless Brexit would make it difficult for you to come back as we don’t know yet what the immigration changes will be.)

@UbbesPonytail yes it was aleays a possibility
Coming back would not be a problem as i have applied and got a british passport
As for him he is qualified to get cypriot passport because he is married to cupriot citizen and has a child.
I know we need to talk about it but he just dismisses it so quickly .

reading some news about teaching primary age kids sexuality and transgenderism makes me feel very uncomfortable

Ok. Move then.

That’s fantastic re: passports etc. Makes things easier on both sides.

I wonder if it’s that he can’t articulate why he doesn’t want to, as in he can’t quite explain it to himself even? Is he particularly risk averse?

Does he enjoy being there when you visit family? Have you ever been for a longer period?

I don’t think he’s wrong for a second to not want to but I do think it’s completely reasonable to be able to have a proper conversation about it.

@theWarOnPeace am trying to

@UbbesPonytail he always enjoys it when we go there but the longer we went for was 2 weeks and he keeps saying is a "holiday" place ? I am trying to explain that there are people who actually live and work there !

I think you need to discuss his reluctance and try to find out what his concerns are. Have you visited the area and made an effort to contact the expat community via social media etc? There will be some good Facebook groups.

For what it's worth, we left the UK 15 years ago and it has been amazing. My parents tell us not to come back, even though they miss us dreadfully, as we simply wouldn't have the quality of life we have here. Kids are bilingual, open to many many opportunities and we still visit the UK often as it's a short plane ride.

Go for it. If it doesn't work out, then you go back to the UK. You only live once.

@ahtellthee i think its that he is very risk averse doesnt like change .
What made you move ?
I will look into the expat communities . There are quite a lot of british there but is mostly army families

By saying it is a holiday place, does he mean he likes it for a holiday, but would not want to live there?
Every country has a different culture. It is I am sure you know harder to live in a country with a different culture than in your own country.

And i would not want to move to Cyprus either.

@clairemcnam why not ?

For me hot days are fine when you are on holiday and taking it easy, but hard work and uncomfortable when you are having to work, do housework, etc.
Cyprus is not known for culture like theatres and museums, which I love. It has some great archaeology yes.
Yes you can get buy in English fine, but I would be worried if you can realistically make friends without speaking the language.
Basically there is nothing that really attracts me to Cyprus at all.

@anxiousmotherof1 we moved because it was beautiful and we loved our holidays there. And we still get that 'We LIVE here, we really do love here' feeling all these years later.

It's hard sometimes as often structural things like school system aren't familiar to us and whilst we both learnt the language we are not fluent, but the pros absolutely outweigh the cons.

The expat community in my area is wonderful, vibrant and diverse. Incredibly supportive, we all become each other's family quite quickly. It is transient, which is a downside, so we took our kids out of international school and we are in the local system in an attempt to Leo them build friendships that last longer than one or two years.

The first year was hard, we missed our friends and family and language, but we soon found ourselves part of a lovely new community that we wanted to commit to.

Also if I was immigrating, and we have looked into it, I would be looking for friends amongst people who did not call themselves expats.