To think we'll be better off moving

[anxiousmotherof1]

I am an expat here my husband is from the uk. We have a young child together married for 5 years
I want to move back but my husband is reluctant . I think our quality of life would be much better there . There are plenty of jobs in our field , we would have huge family support to help with occasional childcare , money go further there , i have inheritance which would mean a bigger house and is always sunny !
Aibu to think that most people would want to move ?? He has no close family here really just his brother we rearly see .

It doesn't really matter what the intention was originally, having kids focusses (or refocusses) the mind. Would have been better to move out there before getting pregnant.

It may not be fair. But then life isn't fair.

I used to live in Paphos when I was 14 and lived out there for several years. In all honesty as a Brit and a teenager at the time (not sure how old your children are?) I didn't really like it. We ended up coming back after a few years.

My mum and I lived with my grandparents in a dreamy 4 bed villa with swimming pool but separating the holiday life from every day life was a struggle. I hated getting up early and having to be at school at 6am because of the temperature out there and it being too hot by the afternoon.

I went to a private school which cost my family fortunes and I got bullied endlessly. It was a mix of expats and Greek kids but there are limitations if you don't fluently speak Greek. I was put behind a year and bloody hell it's a hard language to crack. It's also hard to make friends when things are so different out there.

We also found that if the Greek knew you weren't Greek they would often charge you more or take the p*ss a bit when it came to needing work done on the house or buying a car or even at the grocery store.

The lads go in the army at 16 so was no chance of me ever having a boyfriend like a normal teenager and could never just jump on a bus to see friends. It was awfully lonely.

The banks are a bit iffy too and the solicitors as we found when moving abroad they sort of blackmailed is into keeping part of the property money. We had to ask a local Greek friend to speak to the bank to get them to release our funds as it's well known that it can be corrupt out there.

Again if you have family and friends out there is a bit different. Don't get me wrong when my mum and I moved back I loved going on holidays to see my grandparents still and I wouldn't rule out going back there again..but only for a holiday.

Great place, great people, great sunshine but practically of it didn't work not after living on Britain for so long. But each to their own.

Few men are willing to relocate for their partners IMO.

But did the op make that clear.

I made the mistake so could anyone

PLay him some Peter Andre and it will soon convince him :) There are a lot of pluses for Cyprus main one probably no language barrier essentially but A place with it's own culture too. Wear him down he will soon cave tell him it will be good for ur child. Sun too who could turn that down

In what world is it progressive to tell primary age children that if they like dolls then maybe they’re a girl not a boy? on that point I agree with the OP. It’s confusing and panders to regressive gender stereotypes.

@TheMuminator2 worst advice I’ve seen . Wear him down till he agrees? That’s the way you move yourself to divorce not Cyprus

I moved to southern Cyprus 15 years ago and absolutely no regrets.
We've always worked though always not for good salaries.
Most people tend to gravitate to Paphos but for us there were too many Brits and not enough all year round work.

It does get very hot in July and August for sure but we manage fine with A/C or fans.
Winter can be damp and miserable.

I wouldn't move back to UK, ever.

@StatisticallyChallenged thank you you made my point more clear . Am
Not that good in articulating my thoughts exactly especially in english
@Oliversmumsarmy he knew i wanted to move back home meaning back to cyprus
@GreenEggsHamandChips i never thought of that tbh quite naively i dont think of divorce
@PixieBob28 sorry you were bullied ! How long ago was it if you dont mind me asking ? I believe things change quite a bit especially after joining the eu

@DianaPrincessOfThemyscira excactly ! I think its very confusing for such a young age
@AlphaSigma Glad you are enjoying it :)

In my situation I'm your husband OP. I also don't want to move to Cyprus.

My spoken Greek is pretty good, but I'm still very obviously not Cypriot and because my husband looks basically Scandinavian but is Cypriot and grew up there, we always get a change in attitude toward us as soon as he starts speaking perfect Cypriot dialect. I don't like that.

As some others have said, I also haven't met a non interfering Cypriot family!

Everyone I know in Cyprus had sent their children to private school, including those who are Cypriot, because they don't think the government school system is good enough.

For me, native British, the heat is fine on holiday, but I wouldn't want it 24/7 throughout the summer. At the end of 3-4 weeks I'm thoroughly fed up. It's really limiting.

Luckily my husband is generally understanding of my reasoning, although I think he does feel like he'll convince me in time.

So many Cypriots move away for uni, then meet someone outside their country but want to live back there eventually, but bit everyone sees Cyprus the way Cypriots do.

@eggofmantumbi i can undestand why wou
Would think cypriots are interfeeeing if tou compare it with attitudes here but i dont see it this way family ties are just a but stronger there and there is a difference in culture . What you see as interfering i see as caring

I grew up in Spain and was homesick for England the whole 9 years we lived there. I never felt at home and I hated not being fluent in the native language. Age 16 we moved back to England as a family and I can not tell you how happy I felt. My partner is Portuguese and there is no way on earth I would ever consider moving even away from London, let alone to Portugal. I guess the difference is I made this clear from the moment we became serious about each other. I do feel for you because you must miss your home too but I completely understand why your husband does not want to re-locate.

reading some news about teaching primary age kids sexuality and transgenderism makes me feel very uncomfortable

Dont let the door hit you on the arse on your way out.

OP have you actually been to an English school and spoken to them about your concerns, or looked at the stats on education (most primaries around me are absolutely excellent). My two primary age kids don’t seem to have been involved in any trans agenda? Most schools absolutely bend over backwards to teach things appropriately and if any trans issues are broached I imagine this would be very very rarely and with sensitivity. Please don’t believe what you read in the press. Also I don’t know what university or jobs are like in Cyprus but for me a massive factor would be whether my kids would have to, or probably want to, emigrate to study or work later on in life which I would hate.

You also need to balance decent childcare and help with a thoroughly miserable partner who feels as though he’s been forced into a massive life changing choice. To me this sounds like a recipe for divorce.

Could you and your partner take a sabbatical for a few months and either rent the house out or save to pay the mortgage in the meantime? I would only ever consider a permanent move if my partner was fully, and I mean fully, happy with the idea.

@Heronwatcher as i said in my post i dont have much experience just what am
Reading from
The press as you said . My baby is too young for that yet . Is not based on that that i want to move is just one of the factors . I used to love it here but it has changed a lot since i moved here

Ok well I would really take any doubts about trans issues in education out of the decision comply then as it is simple the press making a big issue out of nothing. I don’t know where you are but it might also be worth trying out other areas of the uk, I personally find that some areas outside the big cities can be a bit more relaxing, less pressure and stress and generally more “traditional”. Not for everyone but might be worth a try. It’s a standard joke that if you go to Norfolk or Wales it’s like going back in time 20 years (I love both so not meant in a bad way).

Yes, that's us in Wales, living like it's 1999

@ThatLibraryMiss I heart you!

OP transgender issues aren't even slightly confusing for primary age children. They only get confused by bigoted adults spouting nonsense. I also doubt very much that what is being taught is "if you like dolls you're a girl in the wrong body" 🙄

can undestand why wou
Would think cypriots are interfeeeing if tou compare it with attitudes here but i dont see it this way family ties are just a but stronger there and there is a difference in culture . What you see as interfering i see as caring

.... And what your see as caring, your partner might see as interfering....

Honestly couldn't think of anything worse than moving to a hot country where I don't know the language and add in overly involved in-laws. I really see why he wouldn't want to !

Don't write off the whole primary system cos of some sensationalist bollocks you've read in the papers. That's where the agenda is, not in the classrooms. If that's the level you're thinking on, definitely don't base major life decisions on it.

Please don’t let this thread de-rail into a transgender\LGBT one. I just knew as I saw that comment in original post that some people would jump on that straight away. And I was right.

Yabu. I'd hate to live somewhere where the existence of lgbt people was a dirty secret kids had to be protected from. What if your kid turns out to fall in that category? I'd also not want to live somewhere too hot (I don't mind the rain). I'd also be generally reluctant to move to a country where I am not fluent in the language. I also rate our education system more highly.

Surely you discussed where you would live before having a child?

I enjoy the seasons here, looking forward to each one.

I worked for a Cypriot boss. His wife hated it there for more than just a couple of weeks, having moved here when she was five. Her parents said they'd never move back until they were ready for her father to retire, all the children were grown up and there was no need for them anymore.

He used to go over every summer for his birthday and at random times over the year - and she'd normally stay here with the children for most of it. He'd left Nicosia in his early 20s - but when he phoned me to check on the office, he'd be grumbling about it being too bloody hot at 30 Celsius in December. He said that he did miss his parents, but there was no way he'd ever want his children brought up in Cyprus.

His way of making sure they weren't isolated was sending the kids to Greek School every Saturday, attending the Orthodox Church and generally being part of the UK Cypriot community.

Another friend married into a Cypriot family. All but the great grandparents live over here and again, have no intention of going back until they are ready to retire. She's not bothered by this, as she says she adores extremely hot weather, but she wouldn't want to live there now when her children are young.

My DP, like me and a lot of British people, absolutely hate hot places. We feel sick, dizzy, get heatstroke almost as soon as it hits 22 Celsius, burn to a crisp if the sun comes out in winter (yep, I got sunburn on my nose and forehead the other week, from walking home for ten minutes). It's just not an environment we would be physically able to handle, even with air conditioning, because the Outside doesn't have any.

If you stay here, you will be fine. Because that's what people do - they make things work out. Perhaps he'll feel differently in time, but you'll need to talk about it, rather than argue.

" sexuality and transgenderism" What, the terrible idea that gay and trans people ought to be respected and not persecuted?

Yeah, god forbid your kids don't grow up to be bigots. Best leave the civilised world and go home where they will learn to despise people different to them. Assuming they don't turn out to be gay themselves.