To think we'll be better off moving

[anxiousmotherof1]

I am an expat here my husband is from the uk. We have a young child together married for 5 years
I want to move back but my husband is reluctant . I think our quality of life would be much better there . There are plenty of jobs in our field , we would have huge family support to help with occasional childcare , money go further there , i have inheritance which would mean a bigger house and is always sunny !
Aibu to think that most people would want to move ?? He has no close family here really just his brother we rearly see .

@Gumbo my intention was never to stay here forever . Dh knew that and said he would be open to moving eventually but now is like he is completely against the idea

If you are in London or South East England, everywhere else is cheaper to live.

anxious It is to your dh though.

As for the help with childcare, that happens to everyone at some stage. When ds was little, my dh was at sea/working abroad/in another part of the UK as he was in HM Forces, and my Mum was 3.5 hours away, as were the pils.

Being stressed about stuff like that is part of being a parent - doesn't matter where you live.

Lots of parents have no family childcare help I muddled through with other mums at times.

I know lots of people get by without any family help . All am saying is that we dont have too

Does it matter to you if moving would make him miserable? Cause it does sound a lot like what you want should trump what he wants.

@Ginnymweasley of course it matters to me ! But i am already miserable here

I like Cyprus but I wouldn’t want to live there. I don’t like the heat apart from during holidays. I wouldn’t be able to learn the language and I’d hate to feel like an interloper in another country.

And I don’t believe you that your family aren’t the interfering type - half my family is Greek Cypriot

Also I have exactly the same issues as you re childcare - my parents are in this country but live 200~ miles away. DH has a dad who works nights and his grandma has dementia. We had one instance of us both too sick to look after our boys (twin babies) and he hired a day nanny.

@DianaPrincessOfThemyscira not all people afford day nannies !

Well, no. We couldn’t either. But the alternative was we struggle to look after two mobile babies while both puking and shitting or pay for a nanny for a day. We didn’t normally have a nanny.

Which is exactly what you’d have to do if you couldn’t give your child to a family member, except we had two!

Yes my point is that i dont need to worry about that if we live there ! I know that we will find ways to cope here but why do we need to ?

Well, yeah. I was telling you an alternative because you're not the first and you won't be the last to not have family support .

And on the flip side, you gain your family and your DH loses his friends, his family, a country where he speaks the native language...

It can be really hard to get a job if you are from overseas, especially if you aren't fluent in the language. I get why he's concerned. One option is to rent your house out rather than selling so you could return, yes you need to quit your jobs but you can get new ones. But do work out whether someone would employ him without language skills (had enough problems in the USA and they speak English because our qualifications are different)

@Barrenfieldoffucks I live in CH.

@clairemcnam if not expats, what would you want people to call themselves? Economic migrants?

Your dh was probably up for moving but not to Cyprus.

Have you thought where else you could go?

The childcare issues are normal, a lot of people don’t have family that
Live close by
Are free during the day and don’t work and

Can drop everything and look after your children for free.

It’s called being a parent.

You expect your dh to move to a different country because you don’t want to look after any children you may have in the future.

Not exactly a solid reason for moving

I know someone who lives in Cyprus for 4-6 months each year, says she could never cope moving their full time, the summer is way to hot for her. Also when she does have children she will not put them into a Cypriot school, she has spokento others and dos not rate the education, so will come back and stay in the UK full time. Could these be the sort of worrie your dh has?
Personally out of all countries to move to, Cyprus would not be on my list. So I’m with your husband on this one!

In his shoes there's no way i would even vaguely consider it, for one reason alone if it goes wrong he ends up shafted at the wrong end of international custody dispute, or living permanently in a country he doesnt want to be in simply to keep contact with his child.

To spell it out If he hates it and wants to come home and the relationship splits, the kidshome is established as there, family is established at there. He either is stuck there or committing significant amounts of money to see his child or losings contact with his shoes.

In his shoes there is literally nothing you could say that would make the move palatable

He either is stuck there or committing significant amounts of money to see his child or losing contact with his child

You don't really sound like you've sat down and researched what it would be like to live and work in Cyprus. Instead you're focusing on the weather and having your family to help with childcare. I can see why he would be reluctant to make such a life changing decision, as from his perspective all that is to be gained from making the move is a slightly bigger house.

I dont like the whole born in the wrong body agenda !

There's an agenda? Who knew?

I hardly think any school, at any stage, is pushing the idea that being born in the wrong body is something we should all rush out to try. I think it's much more likely that they acknowledge that transgender and gay people exist and they're people, same as everyone else. Which sounds just fine to me.

I don't like uneducated bigots but they exist and have a right to spout their views. So there we are: two of us having to deal with things we don't like.

OP, you started an AIBU. Lots of people have told you that yes, you are, and you're just saying, "Yes, but...". You want to go. Your husband doesn't, and I wouldn't either. You're not going to get the backing you're looking for here.

On the flip side, ops dh married a woman who he knew wanted to potentially move home. So really they're both being equally unreasonable to each other in saying they want to live somewhere the other person does not. In which case, imo, it comes down to solid pros and cons as either way one will be unhappy. So where will they have a better income, better housing, education, support, career opportunities etc etc.

And op is not unreasonable to have concerns about the current approach to trans issues in schools. In some places the approach is way beyond just understanding difference and is at best reinforcing stereotypes and at worst harming children. It's not on its own, a reason to move but in evaluating the quality of education then for some parents it might be a reasonable consideration to be weighed up along with lots of other elements.

On the flip side, ops dh married a woman who he knew wanted to potentially move home

Move home yes but he has made it quite clear that it won’t be to Cyprus. They have the whole world to agree on a place.

Just not the UK or Cyprus

By "Move home" I meant move to her home country - which I took to be Cyprus!

Without knowing your husband’s views it’s very difficult to advise but I certainly find wanting to move your child to another country to avoid them learning about LGBT people “too early” very unreasonable. What on earth will you do if you find out that Cyprus is more progressive than is acceptable to you? Move again?