To think we'll be better off moving

[anxiousmotherof1]

I am an expat here my husband is from the uk. We have a young child together married for 5 years
I want to move back but my husband is reluctant . I think our quality of life would be much better there . There are plenty of jobs in our field , we would have huge family support to help with occasional childcare , money go further there , i have inheritance which would mean a bigger house and is always sunny !
Aibu to think that most people would want to move ?? He has no close family here really just his brother we rearly see .

Why don’t you both see if you can get a month of work and go and live in Cyprus for the month, taking the opportunity to look at what jobs are available, a bit of house hunting to see what is available, get an idea of the place, schools etc. Two weeks would not be long enough. Then have another serious discussion. Bigger house etc may not be what he is looking for How did you feel when you came here and left everything behind, as that’s the minimum he will be feeling

So living in an inherited house (why can't you sell it and take the cash? Are you stuck with it for some reason?), more sun and less visible gay or transgender people are your motivating factors for moving?

Your husband is concerned about job opportunities, the ability for him to make friends and progress in his career, your child's future economic opportunities etc?

I think your husband is much more sensible.

He said because of language but really there are so many expats living there everyone speaks english and profeasionally everyone communicates in english
It's hugely disrespectful (and far too common) to move to another country and not to learn the local language. It just creates colonies. Maybe your husband sees this.

Also read your OP again and what you are saying as the pros is that your family are there, you can both get jobs, you have an inheritance and it is sunny. The only things in that list that may be a pro for him, but may not, is that it is sunny. That is a pretty small pro to change your whole life for.
I am not arguing you should not go, but I do understand his reluctance.

The things if I was him I would want to know more about is healthcare, education for your child, the work culture (he may get a job, but can he fit into and be comfortable with work culture there. By work culture I mean things like how work is allocated, monitored, team working, etc. Is it a very hierarchical work culture for example where elders and seniors are deferred to? What happens if you are out of work for a time or get ill as I understand benefits are very low there? How would he make friends he has things in common with?

@MojoMoon where did i say that ?? I just dont think primaty age is appropriate for kids to learn that you can be born in the wrong body ! Teaching about different family types is fine but sexuality ? I think its too early
And is not a house is a land so if we go there we would build on that land .
@Chloemol thats actually a very good idea . I will suggest that tonight and see what happens !

And yes, would your child as an adult be better off in Britain or Cyprus?

Cyprus is home to you OP. It is natural that you want to move back there. But your husband does not have the same pull.

Can you not just sell the land?

Have you thought of moving to another country altogether.

Personally I would like to move abroad.

If I was offered certain countries I would prefer to stay in the UK but if certain other countries were on offer I would be there like a shot.

Your dh just might not like the idea of Cypress but Spain, Italy or a Caribbean island might float his boat

@clairemcnam I can sell the land but the amount of money would not get us a better house here at least not the kind of house we would get there

In my opninion education is better . Smaller classroom sizes being the main thing .

Work
Culture is definately different although i never worked in a professional environment there but from
What i hear is different unless you work for an international company which i think is whay we will work for anw given our current jobs

What if you move, but can't stay because of Brexit?

I think if you are going to move there you both have to agree. It needs some serious talking about. I lived there for four years though and am confused that you are Cypriot but think it's always sunny? We definitely had proper winters when I was there, not that the weather should be the major factor here. If the language is a key barrier he could perhaps look at working on the British army base, which has quite a strong community feel. We didn't live there but for the kids the school, clubs etc can be good.

@HappyDinosaur i mean always sunny compare to UK . Winter lasts for 2 months not for half the year

@NameChanger22 it wouldnt be a problem i have dual nationality and my husband wualifies for residence there

There is nothing wrong with him not wanting to move. Most of your pros are pros for you not for your husband. You don't seem to know about the education system in detail, do you know whatvhis job would be like There? Etc etc. For you it's home but for him it's a new place where he might feel completely out of place. I'm not saying you are wrong to want to move home but he's not wrong for wanting to stay either.

I was going to offer you constructive advice until I read that you want to move partly because of bigoted views.

Sexuality does not equal sex. The young kids are being taught about different kinds of families and that they can marry who they like (and that everybody is different, whether that is their race, colour, language etc).

Why is it cute when children roleplay heterosexual weddings etc, but sick and wrong when they're taught that the other person in the roleplay could be the same sex as them?

@Rogue1234 ok did you read what i said ? I said is fine to teach about different family types eg two dads
Two
Mums . I dont like the whole born in the wrong body agenda !

A quick google brought this up.
cyprus-life.info/cyprus_education
Education in Cyprus is not considered particularly good, on a global scale.

I think you want to move back to Cyprus because it is home and your family are there. That is understandable. But it is not enough for your husband to want to move there.

he always enjoys it when we go there but the longer we went for was 2 weeks and he keeps saying is a "holiday" place ? I am trying to explain that there are people who actually live and work there

I have travelled to different countries and different places.

I have found that there are places that I love holidaying in but could never live there and places where i have gone on holiday and feel more at home than my permanent home in the UK.

I think Cyprus is for you because that is where your family is but if you took Cyprus off the table where else would you like to live.

Could you each put down a list of places you would fancy living and see if there is any that are in both your lists.

Whereabouts do you live ahtellthee?

July and August are unbelievably hot, my friend comes home she has always kept a house here. He may get islanditis, a friend did after six years and had to come home from Bermuda which is paradise. Another friend sold up a thriving business in the Canaries for the same reason .

If you were talking about mainland Europe I would say go for it. The island claustraphobic thing is real.

@justasking111 we already live in an island !

It's a pretty big island though anxious!

From the other perspective, we are moving back to the UK this year and I cannot wait. I have a very nice lifestyle where we are (though the weather is very British), but I have had enough of being somewhere that isn't home.

For me it has been the same shit, different location. Yes, the languages are different, the culture is different, but meals still have to be cooked, washing still needs to be done, bureaucracy still needs to be navigated, bills still have to be paid, and you can't get away from yourself however hard you try. The same stresses and strains are still there.

We moved for dh's job, and practically, it has worked out well. However, I don't know that given my time again, I would make the same choice.

If you want a bigger house and better schools could you move to a cheaper part of the uk?

@Bluesmartiesarebest where would that be ? If i moved to a cheaper place my salary and dh salary would probably be affected anw !

Tbh the most inportant factor for me is help with childcare . I feel so stressed here knowing that if we both get help up somehow there is no one to get ds from nursery . If we are both sick there is no one to leave ds with .

@scaryteacher yes to me home is not uk though

I moved to the UK from another country with the intention of never going back there to live. I met DH in the UK and got married here and this is where our home is... if I suddenly decided that I wanted to go back to my original country it would be completely unreasonable to assume that DH would want to go too, since I was the one who originally decided to move rather than him.

I don't think it's fair for you to expect your DH to want to give up the life he knows; I understand why you want to move back, but unfortunately it's your dream not your DH's. Moving countries as a couple/family is something you all need to be 100% bought into or there is likely to be resentment...