Overweight child :(

[Braneycat]

Hi, can I have a private post please? Thank you ❤

My 4 year old son is overweight. I'm not in denial about it. A bit of backstory, he had PICA from about 9 months to 2.5 years ish, in which time we struggled to get him to eat 'proper' food. Instead he preferred to eat plaster/mud/sand/toilet roll ect. Because he was skinny and it obviously wasn't doing his tummy any favours we were desperately trying to tempt him to eat normal food, offering chocolate/ice cream ect. He eventually started eating proper food but gained weight rapidly. In the space of a year he went from a size 3-4 to 7-8 (I don't formally weigh him at home). I've been to the paediatrian who diagnosed an iron defiency (which she did the last time) and offered general advice but Alive and Kicking (?) classes aren't available until he's 5. I've been working with his preschool on lunches until they were happy with them. I cook dinner pretty much as soon as we're home to limit snacking, and he has a supper of a sandwich/toast before bed. I don't keep rubbish food in the house anymore and I try to keep us active (but it can be difficult in the cold weather and I can't afford frequent activities like swimming or trampolining regularly). I have so much anxiety over it as he starts school this year. 6 different people on different occasions have said to me 'he's such a sweet boy, he's going to be a target for bullying' and the thought of that makes me feel sick. It's getting me so down and depressed and it's making me question sending him to school at all, even though I know it'll benefit him and there's no garentee he'll struggle socially. But he truly is such a sweet, lovely little boy and the thought of it breaks me.

I don’t know what to do :(

I know it is about food and diet you came on for.and im not being mamby pamby but one thing to add is just keep giving him the confidence and happiness within himself.guiding him on nasty people and their comments and teaching him his bold inner worth and kindness.
kids can be nasty and pick on hair to weight to freckles.you can teach them to be better than them and stronger too.
because what if he is overweight when he goes.yes a problem but it is who is is right now so hes just as brilliant and lovable and kind and fun.and the mental health of your little boy will go a long way towards him looking after himself.

Just wanted to say, OP, you sound great and you're doing a great job with you son. He'll be fine at school; kids that age really don't pick on each other and they're taught to be respectful anyway. There is loads of great advice here; I think you're on the right track. Good luck!

If you have an early tea then he likely does need a snack between dinner and bed but I would swap out the sandwich/toast for a protein based food like a small piece of cheese and a vegetable like lightly steamed carrot sticks to go with the cheese or some sort of bean/hummus dip with vegie sticks etc.

A protein based snack is much more filling than fruit so if you were hoping to bring dinner back to a later time I would offer the above snacks after school and then leave things like vegetable (not fruit) snacks out for him during the afternoon, this way he will not feel like he can't access food but the food is low in KJ, pack them away half an hour or so before dinner time and he should eat a fair bit of his tea too.

At our house we do a snack after school then tea (dinner) round 6/6:30 then milk before bed so we don't have anything after tea usually.

Once he starts school he will naturally start to be more active so you may find he will start to slim down naturally anyway.

Tuna pasta
Vegetable rice & chicken
Jacket potatoes with tuna Mayo/beans & cheese
Omelette and chips
Bean chilli
Lentil spaghetti Bol
Carrot and lentil soup

Key to all these meals are loads of salad with them - tomatoes, cucumber, carrot, sweetcorn etc with e wry meal. Both mine eats loads and would be huge if they didn't love fruit and veg. We usually only do fruit only for pudding. Sometimes with custard.

Lots of walking and playing outside.

Is there a HENRY programme near you?

I don't think there's anything wrong with a snack before bed, you just have to make sure it is small. My youngest usually has 1 biscuit or small piece of cake or piece of fruit. Maybe you could give him a milk/hot chocolate drink if you want to get away from a food snack at bedtime.

At this stage I would concentrate on portion sizes - make sure they are not too big. At one time my youngest dd was overweight until I realised I was giving her the same portion sizes as her elder sister. I reduced her portion sizes to what they should have been & I suppose she just grew into her weight - ie she grew in height but did not put on any more weight. It was a very gradual & gentle process.

My dd used to eat at 430ish too as she was always starving and if we left it later she just picked.She had a good breakfast usually porridge,school meal then a light tea when she got in from school and milk and plain biscuit before bed at 7.30.

Meal ideas:

Cheese or plain omelette with broccoli and toast/ mashed potato/ baked potato
Spag Bol with grated cheese
Shepard's pie with carrots
Cottage pie with any veg
Fish pie
Chicken in a white sauce with chopped carrot peas and sweetcorn in the sauce. Rice or mash
Chicken - sausage stew with any veg chucked in

For puddings - plain Greek yog with any fruit chopped on top or just a piece of fruit.

Get Mary Berry's basic cookbook. It's great for simple family meals.

I personally would avoid snacks and just focus on three meals a day. I don't know where the snack thing has come from as I was never given snacks between meals as a child and I have never given my 6 yr old twins a snack in their lives!!. If he's hungry at mealtimes that's a good thing. He should be in bed by 6:30 if he's only 4 (and sleeping for 12-13 hours) so eating at 4:30/5 is spot on. Any later and he will be in bed too late.

pesto pasta
sausage and baked bean bake
chicken veggies stew
cheesy broccoli pasta
tuna pata bake
mince with sliced potatos mash pie top
salmon,chicken,fish,sausage and veggie parcles.
veggie burgers.
fish cakes
stiry frys.
frozen veg and rice medlies.
risotto or baked rice.
lasagne.
pearl barley and lentil are great fillers.
try tray bakes they can be so varied
jacket potato with anything
fish pie
dolmio pasta

I grew up in the 50's and 60's and a 30 min walk to the park or woods was nothing. We did it everyday. None of our mothers drove. You could consider taking something like a push chair to lean over to help your back issues.

Did GP test for coeliac disease when she diagnosed anaemia? It is often the underlying cause and also associated with pica.

A snack after school and then dinner later isn't any different to dinner at 4:30 and then a snack later on, don't know why people can't see this l

Or course it's different. If DC get home from school at day, 3pm and have a snack, then tea at 5.30pm or so then bed at 7.30, they're not eating a heavy meal just before they get into bed. Besides, a sandwich isn't a snack - it's a meal in its own right for a small child!

By eating dinner at 4.30 the child is so hungry by bed he needs another meal - so something clearly isn't working:

Hey you are definitely getting some things right. You have two kids you are looking after. Are they happy? If so - stop beating yourself up. I actually think that dinner at 4:30 isn't all that bad. And giving the fruit before bed is the same as fruit after school and dinner later. - As others have said - look at portion size. If your son is walking 20 minutes to and from preschool then that's pretty good for him already. But do think about wellies and waterproofs for getting out in the cold and rain.

If I were you, OP, I'd go for a two-pronged approach.

1. Move tea back a bit to 5.30 if possible.
2. Keep them active between 3.30 end of school so you delay getting home, therefore no opportunity to mither for snacks...

So - walk to the park 20 minutes opposite direction from school. Pack fruit snacks. Play in park for 20-30 minutes, head home. Tea is naturally that bit later.

Make the before bed thing a drink of milk, or hot chocolate or whatever, and a rice cake if absolutely necessary.

Just wanted to say there are a couple of kids at my four yo's school who are a little larger and have never got bullied ever - not even sure if the other kids notice. Good luck - sounds like you have lots of great ideas here.

My DD(no.4), 8, is my first overweight child, was born in the first top centile for weight and height, and stayed like that forever. Hungry from the minute she was born. Started getting overweight by about 6. Some meal plans given here would have left her crying with hunger, she eats similar amount to adults. She does sports and is very physically strong (not much walking in weekdays through, school is very close ).
She's on the same healthy menu as her older siblings were and her younger sister(although we do all have dessert every day), the difference is younger DD is very picky and has a small appetite, she's under 50 centile and I have had the opposite problem with her since birth, she's just not very much into food. She has a few favourite foods, but that's it, the rest is a struggle.
I think people who are posting their skinny kids menus just have no idea what it's like having a child who is nearly always ravenous. I have more or less accepted that DD is just taking after PILs and will always be bigger than average, they are both very tall and MIL has been overweight all her life (though now is a healthy over 70, does 4 hour of swimming a week!). As long as she doesn't grow up looking like a shapeless roll and has muscles and relatively flat stomach (or a healthy-ish waist to hips ratio), I never want to mention her weight (though DH can't help himself and I have to stop him tearing food out of her mouth or getting angry when she asks for more). Nobody bullies her at school, but she's just over, she looks big rather than fat. However I don't think anyone would be bullied at their school even if they were noticeably overweight.

Btw, both of my DS were slightly on the round side until later in puberty when they both got so tall and skinny it's painful to see and like typical teenage boys they had/have hollow legs, and sleep a lot!! Dropped all their sport by GCSE time...
Your DS may grow up to have a physique of a stick insect and you'll miss his chubby days! I think if you overexercise him he'll get hungrier as well...sports hasn't slimmed my DD, she's fitter but is famished after serious cardio. I wouldn't worry too much, I think it's likely he'll grow out of it or may just be a big (not fat) adult eventually.

Also if your daughter is not overweight on the same diet and with the same levels of activity, then it's not really so much down to your diet/lifestyle. He obviously has different metabolism/hormones, but the fact that he is also tall for his age means he is actually growing fast, not just putting it away, no wonder he's hungry. People can't say at 4 he needs to eat this or that much, not if he resembles a 7 year old in height.

For my DD sandwich on its own would not be a meal, it'd be a snack 🙄 however she's as tall at 8 as her older sister was at 11...

please discuss prader willi syndrome with your physician and request a referral to a registered dietitian they will give you guidelines to follow.
weight loss in children is not the same as with adults.

It doesn’t sound like Prader Willi, which has significant learning disability as one of the features. The PW children I’ve known don’t just eat a sandwich at bedtime. They eat from rubbish bins, they steal food, they eat going round shops from the displays, they eat animal food. They have the worst tantrums in the world and are hugely stubborn, frequently lying down screeching and wailing to try and get food. They have to have really carefully monitored food intake and it’s really tough on parents. They’re often quite funny and have a slightly naughty sense of humour.

It sounds simply like too much food and a desire for food brought about because when he was younger he was given huge amounts of positive reinforcement and praise for eating (understandably). That simply needs resetting. This coupled with a ‘ we can’t exercise because it’s winter’ attitude has led to over feeding and under movement. GP can ask the practice nurse to advise or if really an issue to refer to dietician.

Sounds like he is eating very healthily so he should be losing weight. Could it be an issue with portion size?

Cassandraatthewedding, what a relief to read your post. I had a ravenous dd. She was just stsrving hungry all the time. It is very difficult to deal with. You feel guilty and try to help by not discussing weight, but it doesn’t solve anything. There is no guidance on very hungry children at all, so you feel more isolated.

We had 4dc. 3 didn’t have this appetite and hence no weight problems, so I’m not sure we were doing anything wrong.

Anyway she’s 12 now, and the hunger has definitely slowed down. She’s very tall as both me and dh are very tall, but looks fine. She was plumpish st 7 or 8 but has stretched out a lot. She chooses now to eat as healthily as she can.

I’m really happy with how it all turned out, but felt l was fighting an isolated and shameful battle all her life until now.

Give him water first each time he asks for food. A lot of children can’t distinguish between thirst and hunger.

Sorry if you've already mentioned it, but what does he drink? Is it only water?

My friend had a similar problem with her DS and she was told by the dietician that the problem was the amount of milk/fresh juice he was drinking. He didn't like water, so he only drank milk/juice which was increasing his calorie intake.

It’s good you see his overweight now and that your trying to tackle it, would be too easy to overlook it and wait until his older, stones overweight and the bullying has started.

I do wonder if portion sizes are an issue here? It’s very easy to over feed a young child and his diet doesn’t sound outrageous but too much of any food can make you overweight. Might be worth looking up the recommended portions for his age

Does he still drink milk? If so how much? Lots of calories in milk especially the blue top

I have a sensory overeater. We stripped the house of high sugar foods. If he was hungry between meals then he could have carrot sticks (cheap lol).

But doesn’t that set up an eating disorder? If you banish all sugar?

We never had biscuits or cakes in the house when l was little (dm had very small appetite and didn’t like sugary stuff). This set me up to default and crave chocolate and stuff