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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD is always late for school

86 replies

Willowind · 07/03/2019 09:35

We moved about 40 minutes away from our old town in January. DD age 14 decided she didn't want to move schools. She'd just started at this school in September, at the start of year 9 so it's understandable that she wouldn't want to move again. We agreed that if she got up on time and didn't complain about the commute then she could stay at the school. We leave the house at 7:30, i drive her to the bus station, the bus leaves at 8:00 and gets there at about half past and then walks 10 minutes to school. However she's late most days, she's not been on time at all this week as she gets up too late then misses the bus. The bus comes every half an hour so if she just misses the bus she'll wait at the station for the next one. Today it too late to even be attempting to get there so she came with me to drop off DS then we went on to the bus station afterwards so she'll be about an hour late for school. I'm considering moving her to a closer school, there's plenty of local schools just as good as the one she's currently going to. She can't keep being this late when it comes to year 10 and 11

OP posts:

SnuggyBuggy · 07/03/2019 09:38

I'd maybe give her a target like getting up and ready each day until the end of term if she wants to stay at her school

DoneLikeAKipper · 07/03/2019 09:41

How is she late most days if you get her to the bus station for 7.30? What’s happening in the morning that’s making her late, how can you all rectify it? Has she always been late since you moved, or has it just been the past week or so?

To be honest, I’d do everything I can not to cause upset by changing schools if she’s happy there and getting along well academically and socially. A third new school in three years, especially as she starts her GCSES is too much upheaval.

Original poster

Willowind · 07/03/2019 09:46

We should be leaving at 7:30 and get to the bus station at around 7:55 so she has 5 minuted before the bus arrives. But she's not getting up on time and instead deciding to sleep in no matter how hard i try to get her up. Some days she gets up on time but looses something and spends all her time looking for it although I tell her to get everything ready the night before

OP posts:

LIZS · 07/03/2019 09:51

In that time could you not have taken her to school. It sounds like a complicated journey and presumably the bus element is not that far. Why did you decide to move so soon after she started her new school? Find out if there are any more local schools with places as you either move her now or not at all.

babyworry2018 · 07/03/2019 09:53

In that case the bus is irrelevant, you need to leave the house at a certain time and she isn't ready so it's something that's in your control. I think for a week I'd start making her put her bag etc in the car the night before and then tell her she needs to be ready to leave the house for 7.15.

Teenagers are biologically less able to get up in the morning, not an excuse but given you moved I do think a bit of extra support to leave the house seems fair. I'd be giving fifteen minute warnings, ten minute warnings etc. Work out with her what time she need me to be in the shower to walk out the door at 7.25, if she's not in the shower at that time she's late.

woolduvet · 07/03/2019 09:53

Sounds like she'd be late no matter how close you are.
Take away her phone etc at night, she can have them when she's dressed and packed.

thecutecouple · 07/03/2019 09:56

Change all clocks forward 30 minutes but don't tell her.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 07/03/2019 09:56

Put her phone in the car so she has to get in there to get it?

Sausagerollers · 07/03/2019 10:04

She needs to have everything prepped the night before, including having a shower.

She should go to bed a minimum of an hour earlier than she's been going previously (as she clearly needs more sleep) and make sure she's not on her phone/reading etc until late.

She can eat breakfast on the way to school (fruit & a cereal bar?) So no time spent on breakfast at home.

Make the morning routine; get up, wee, teeth clean, clothes on, brush hair, out the door.

You are going to need to parent her more here to make this work.

Moving schools during teenage years can be very difficult on a child, so make sure you've given this every effort before moving her.

Margot33 · 07/03/2019 10:07

Depends. How far is the nearest school? Is it quicker to get to e.g. bus stop down the road?

DoneLikeAKipper · 07/03/2019 10:07

although I tell her to get everything ready the night before

You need to help her get on top of the night before, at least for a while so she can get into the habit. Can she get a white board so she can write out her week and sort it the night before? I assume these earlier starts are a bit of a shock to the system - what time did she have to leave previously, what weee her travel arrangements when she first started at this school? Does her bedtime reflect the time she needs to get up, and is she getting a full night sleep (not on phone or reading all night)?

Canshopwillshop · 07/03/2019 10:11

Poor kid. She’d only just settled in her new school when you moved, and now you want to move her again. I know she’s 14 but I think you’ve got to take responsibility for the situation you have put her in and help her manage her time a bit better in the mornings. Sit down with her and agree a schedule.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/03/2019 10:11

Get her a dumb phone? She earns back her normal phone by being on time. And earns other privileges.

Also ensure she’s ready the night before.

Millimollimandi · 07/03/2019 10:13

Sorry, but since when did 'she didn't want to move schools again' become the over riding factor? You are the parent. That would have been the best time to move - as she hadn't settled in completely to the new school, now when she moves (and she will have to because you will start getting fined for her being late every day, in fact I'm surprised you haven't been already) it will be a year down the line and everyone will have settled into the new school, she will be very much the 'new girl'. However hindsight is a wonderful thing. Kids are way more resilient when changing schools than you think. Military children do it all the time...

ittakes2 · 07/03/2019 10:13

I feel your pain had similar issue. Get her to time herself how long it takes to get dressed, eat breakfast the in the morning etc. Prepare a written timetable - set her mobile to alarms to remind herself i.e. breakfast time is over, getting changed time is over etc - always leave an extra 10mins at the end i.e. she should plan to leave at 7.20am.

HennyPennyHorror · 07/03/2019 10:13

My 14 year old is the same. We only live a 15 min walk from school but every day, she's 20-30 minutes late. She is on time about once twice a week.

I am

Chloemol · 07/03/2019 10:14

Also I would be having a good talk with her and saying she has two choices, either get up and go to the school she wants to on time, or you will be moving her after Easter term to a new school nearer to where you are now

Junkmail · 07/03/2019 10:14

I think you need to review if this is worth it. That’s very early for a kid her age to be getting up and being mentally awake enough to concentrate on getting ready and out the door. Teens body clocks are set differently to adults so I’m actually not surprised she’s finding it difficult to get out the house by 730am. Maybe you should revisit changing schools. I think it would be worth at least having a conversation about and if she refuses then she needs to commit to getting to school on time or you take the decision out of her hands.

JenniferJareau · 07/03/2019 10:15

What punishments have you been giving her for being late?

Littleraindrop15 · 07/03/2019 10:16

I would move her that's not acceptable she's not 7 years old she's 14 she should be responsible enough to get up on time.. Part of the deal was she gets up on time and if she still hasn't bothered to implement strategies then I'm sorry but missing an hour every day of school is piss taking.

TheInvestigator · 07/03/2019 10:17

Eh... just wake her up. It's not acceptable to be late for school and you are her parent so this is your responsibility. If we let teenagers decide when to get up and when to go to school then they'd never leave the house. You go in at 7.15, you remove the duvet, you open the curtains and then you turn on a radio and leave it playing loudly. Then every 5 minutes you go in and tell her to get the hell up.

Parent her. This is your job.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/03/2019 10:18

Are there no consequences from the school for being late?

You need to sit her down and have a 'you need to get up on time or change schools' chat and be prepared to follow through.

TheInvestigator · 07/03/2019 10:18

*go in at 7 not 7.15!

Sirzy · 07/03/2019 10:20

You made the move when you knew she was just settling so you need to make some effort to help get her into a good routine.

Sounds like she is being given way too much freedom for an unreliable 14 year old.

LIZS · 07/03/2019 10:20

Early ? Really? In Europe they start school between 7:30/8:00 and leave home in the dark for much of the year. Is there a breakfast club or somewhere available before school to wait. If so maybe you should aim to get her on a 7:30 bus then there is a buffer.

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