DD is always late for school

[Willowind]

We moved about 40 minutes away from our old town in January. DD age 14 decided she didn't want to move schools. She'd just started at this school in September, at the start of year 9 so it's understandable that she wouldn't want to move again. We agreed that if she got up on time and didn't complain about the commute then she could stay at the school. We leave the house at 7:30, i drive her to the bus station, the bus leaves at 8:00 and gets there at about half past and then walks 10 minutes to school. However she's late most days, she's not been on time at all this week as she gets up too late then misses the bus. The bus comes every half an hour so if she just misses the bus she'll wait at the station for the next one. Today it too late to even be attempting to get there so she came with me to drop off DS then we went on to the bus station afterwards so she'll be about an hour late for school. I'm considering moving her to a closer school, there's plenty of local schools just as good as the one she's currently going to. She can't keep being this late when it comes to year 10 and 11

Doesn’t the school have punishments for being late? My school would have suspended me with a note on my record if I’d been late that often. But that was many years ago.

Why does your DD need 90 mins to get ready in the morning ?

She's always very slow at getting ready, faffs about a lot, panics if she's rushed and then takes even longer.

tulips if she comes in 5 minutes after the bell she gets a detention the day after

But if her bag is packed and clothes are ready the night before and she showers before bed then what “getting ready” is there to do?

She’s probably faffing because she has to do everything in the morning. And she has so much time that she can faff - it’s counter intuitive.

Can you help her get everything ready the night before - inc putting her clothes out? So all she has to do is get dressed, brush teeth and do her hair before heading out.

Does she have access to her phone /iPad in the morning? If so, that’s probably delaying her .

Our lot get a lunchtime detention the same day if they are one minute late. No exceptions. And if they do it twice, it's a 90 minute detention on Friday. It's improved punctuality hugely in all but a handful of students - and they are largely the ones who are either regularly in trouble for other things throughout the day or they are girls who need to draw on their eyebrows and apply false lashes and contouring before they leave the house

I'd suggest leaving it to her to sort herself all the way to the bus station, letting her sit the detentions and filling in your application to a nearer school, as half an hour late for a GCSE examination means a fail.

But I would, if I were up so early, walk into her room at 6am and draw the curtains. I hate getting up, it doesn't suit me at all (I cannot go to sleep before 1am, ever, never have been able to) - but what does work is light. Electric light hurts, but daylight doesn't. And I'd quite possibly commit murder if somebody dragged my covers off me when I was in deep sleep, which I often am just when I need to be waking up

The other thing is most people sleep in 90 minute bursts, so timing her bedtime so that she is all done and in bed a half hour before one of those times comes round - so, to give her the chance of nine hours (or seven and a half, which isn't enough, but better than six), she needs to be in bed, lights off, no phone/TV a full nine and a half hours before her getting up time. Which, if she is supposed to get up at six, means she needs to be in bed by half eight.

I find that if I'm not asleep at 1am, it's guaranteed that I will be fully awake until either 2.30 or (worse) 4am. I go to bed by 11, just in case my body finally decides to let me sleep at 11.30pm, as at least I am resting, rather than clattering around the house, watching rubbish on TV or twatting about on the internet without a blue light filter. In addition, if there is one light on upstairs, I will instantly snap wide awake - so no brightly lit bathrooms or bedrooms.

It's crap, not fitting in with how the world works. But you have no choice until you're old enough to get a job where your start time is later.

She’s going to bed too late, and taking too long to fall asleep.

At 14 she should be in her room, lights off, no gadgets by 9pm. Every single school night.

Enforce this consistently. She’ll run out of options and eventually fall into a new sleep routine. Waking at 6am to be out of bed by 6.10am is absolutely fine for a 14yo.

sorry op but you are not really tackling this, 7.30 is not early by most people's standards.

She is going to bed far too late, and why does she have her phone in her room?! Do you not worry about her texting friends all night etc?

My dd is 13 next month and has to leave for the station at 7 .15 (she hates mornings) this is what we do

Everything ready the night before and by door
All phones on charge in the kitchen
Shower by 7pm
up to bed at 8.15
read till 8.45 at latest, l still tuck her in and turn off lights then.
I wake her when l get up at 6. 20am

If she didn't get up l would turn on the lights/draw back curtains/take duvet off/ and stand there talking louder and louder until she woke up and got on her feet....but l have never had to do those things.

Neither of mine have ever been allowed to be late for school, unless the trains have been late or a major traffic accident on the way, l am amazed by your lax attitude to her education.

Could you try the old trick of having an alarm clock on the other side of the room so she has to get out of bed to turn it off?

Make sure she is completely ready the night before. Shower night before.
Wake at 6.45. Go in, and do not leave until she is out of bed.
Waking at 6 is ridiculous.
I don't think bed is necessarily too late if she is going straight to sleep.
My 14yo goes up between 9/9.30, reads for 30 mins, and then lights out. I wake her at 6.45, to leave at 7.30 to catch the bus.
No phone/tech in room overnight. A rule I still enforce with my 17yo.