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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD is always late for school

86 replies

Willowind · 07/03/2019 09:35

We moved about 40 minutes away from our old town in January. DD age 14 decided she didn't want to move schools. She'd just started at this school in September, at the start of year 9 so it's understandable that she wouldn't want to move again. We agreed that if she got up on time and didn't complain about the commute then she could stay at the school. We leave the house at 7:30, i drive her to the bus station, the bus leaves at 8:00 and gets there at about half past and then walks 10 minutes to school. However she's late most days, she's not been on time at all this week as she gets up too late then misses the bus. The bus comes every half an hour so if she just misses the bus she'll wait at the station for the next one. Today it too late to even be attempting to get there so she came with me to drop off DS then we went on to the bus station afterwards so she'll be about an hour late for school. I'm considering moving her to a closer school, there's plenty of local schools just as good as the one she's currently going to. She can't keep being this late when it comes to year 10 and 11

OP posts:
TheInvestigator · 07/03/2019 11:49

What time are you getting up? Do you give yourself enough time to get everything ready as well as spend 10 minutes getting her out of bed? Or are you not getting up early enough to spend the time waking her?

SparklySneakers · 07/03/2019 11:55

She's going to bed far too late. Sounds very "oh whatever" in your house. It won't take long for this to be flagged up by school as an issue. No way my dd's school would stand for it. She's 12 and is usually dressed by the time I get up about 6.50. No phone in her room. Down the bed by 8. She needs her sleep.

SofaSurfer20 · 07/03/2019 11:56

Tell her if she wants to stay at the school she needs to make the effort.

Ge tip in time and get to school. If she's late more than 5 times between now and half term, she has to move schools.

BarbarianMum · 07/03/2019 12:00

Have you just missed all the screens and sleep advice that's been broadcast in recent years then OP? Its weird that you're so oblivious when you are struggling w this.

Sirzy · 07/03/2019 12:56

You tell her she gets up and that next time she is late you will start the ball rolling for her to change schools.

You are giving her way too much freedom and control over the situation

woolduvet · 07/03/2019 16:54

She's not leaving really early to get to that school, mine left at 8 for one round the corner.
As a parent you get her up, help her sort herself out.
Give her a few weeks or look at schools.
It's soft parenting so far.

FaithInfinity · 07/03/2019 17:12

I’m not great at getting up in the morning, I was dreadful as a teenager and dawdled! I now have a sunrise alarm clock like like this one (cheaper ones are available but this is definitely a slowly increasing light, reviews suggest some are abrupt!). It’s really helped me get up in the morning.

I agree with pp though, promote her sleep hygiene with earlier to bed, she needs to be aiming for lights out by 10, all electronics away for 30 minutes before bed. Get her in the habit of getting everything ready. Start getting her up earlier, leave her less wiggle room. I would say if she can’t start getting to school on time she will have to look at somewhere closer to home.

Original poster
Willowind · 07/03/2019 17:54

I get up at about 5:30 and start getting ready. DD's alarm goes off at 6, I also come in and wake her up then. I could give her a warning when I get up that she needs to be up at 6. But I wouldn't say I'm being soft on her jusy because I don't storm in and physically drag her out of bed. You would think at 14 she could get herself up and I'm trying to do others things at the same time. I am parenting her as I keep being told to do but she chooses not to listen, I can't force her to no matter how harsh I am

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 07/03/2019 18:00

Well im afraid op the school will think you can force her,

The options are limited, if she won't get up, you won't force her, then she needs to change school.

Believability · 07/03/2019 18:05

I’m what world is getting out the house at 7.30 too early for a teen?

MyDcAreMarvel · 07/03/2019 18:13

Why are you letting her go to bed so late why does she have screens. Why isn’t she grounded or other consequence eg phone removal once home until following morning if late to school that day.
Your dd is 14 not 17 you need to parent her.

iolaus · 07/03/2019 18:17

Mine have all caught the 7.30 bus to school (well it's 7.40 but they leave the house at 7.30), get themselves up since starting comp (don't get me wrong if there is no movement by 7 we would go in - but there's never been a need to

I'll be honest though I would have moved them in the first place, because I couldn't see it working long term and it's easier to do it then then either later in year 9 or in GCSE years (maybe I feel that way more though because I grew up in the forces and changed schools all the time up until my teens)

SparklySneakers · 07/03/2019 18:18

So you're disturbing her at 5.30 to warm her she needs to get up in half an hour?? That'll be doing her the world of good OP Hmm
Bed at 9, up at 6. My 10 year old has to be down by 7.15am, fully dressed, otherwise she gets her own breakfast instead of me making it, and she's likely to miss out on eating with the rest of the family which she hates. I wake her just before 7.
You seem to think you have no control here Hmm

eightoclock · 07/03/2019 18:28

She's 14 - leave it up to her. Stop nagging and don't get involved. She can ask if she needs help getting up on time, or if she wants to move schools. Otherwise let her be late - she will get fed up of detention eventually.

Original poster
Willowind · 07/03/2019 18:34

What I meant is I could start getting her up at 5:30. She is grounded at the moment and doesn't have her phone. I don't have a problem getting 7 year old DS up, he gets up straight away, youngest DD is awake by the time i am, both get in the car and come with me to drop DD1 off

OP posts:
ForalltheSaints · 07/03/2019 18:35

If she gets detention for lateness be supportive of the school.

TwoBlueFish · 07/03/2019 18:37

Going to agree with others that she needs an earlier bed time and all screens/WiFi removed after a certain time.

My Y10 has a bedtime of 9:30, occasionally it’s 10 but not usually. He gets up at 7:45 and we leave at 8:20. He gets everything ready the night before so it’s literally dressed, breakfast, teeth and go. My Y11 is the same but is in bed earlier as he’s up at 7 and leaves at 7:45. Your daughter is up early so probably needs a 9pm bedtime. If she complains then it’s her choice of either that or move schools.

No screens until she’s ready to go in the morning. Dressed as soon as she gets up, that way she can leave even if she’s running late, shower at night, packed school bag by the door. Lots of praise when she is up and organised on time, treat maybe at the end of the week if she’s on time.

If possible I’d try and avoid moving schools, a number of schools now start teaching the GCSE syllabus in year 9 so it may have an impact on her exams.

LIZS · 07/03/2019 18:40

I'd still suggest aiming for the earlier bus, even if you get up earlier.

SparklySneakers · 07/03/2019 18:40

She's got an hour and a half she doesn't need to get up earlier! Wtf does she do in that time?

TBDO · 07/03/2019 18:52

Why is her alarm on for 6- she doesn’t need 90min to get ready. I’m not surprised she doesn’t get up at 6.

Set a more realistic timeframe for her to get up - 30min should be plenty if she packs the night before and has a breakfast bar is similar in the car.

Jackshouse · 07/03/2019 18:57

I have not read the thread but remove all phones, tablets and other internet connected devices off her over night.

Wolfiefan · 07/03/2019 18:59

She needs a bedtime. She’s clearly tired.
She must get ready the night before. Bag packed etc.
Go in when you want her up. If she doesn’t rouse open curtains and remove duvet.
You’re taking her to the bus station so I can’t see how she’s the one being late. Confused

Clutterbugsmum · 07/03/2019 18:59

I think you need to have a conversation with her, explaining that if she continues like she is and being late for school that there will be consequences and that being you will be looking for a school more local to where you live.

I would tell her that she will be at school on time between now and Easter or I will be looking to move her to a more local school.

Is there an earlier bus she can get if there is I would be getting her to the earlier bus so she is at school for 8 am rather then 8.30 am

pinkhorse · 07/03/2019 19:01

She's going to bed very late.

Babygrey7 · 07/03/2019 19:06

My 14 and 16 yr old get up at 7 and leave the house at 7:35 for the bus

It is the exact time needed for them to stumble down the stairs, have tea and toast, get dressed, do hair and teeth, and go

Can she get up later, but then leave earlier, if that makes sense?

The more of a fixed routine it is, the better

In your shoes, by 7 i'd take away duvet, open curtain and window (bad cop) and have tea/hot choc (beverage of choice) and toast/cereal ready in the kitchen (good cop)

Routine is everything

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