Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To hate Facebook pregnancy announcements?

118 replies

Ambs81 · 06/03/2019 15:02

I don’t know if I’m being old fashioned or just over cautious, but a family member has recently announced pregnancy on fb with a picture of 12 week scan, on the day of 12 week scan.
This was the same day it was announced to all the family, a couple of hours prior.
They said they wanted to be sure everything was ok before telling family, but then quickly told everyone else as well.
I also (and I know this is weird) think it’s strange to share a scan picture in a (pretty) public forum...it is an internal scan or a 12 week foetus, it just seems intrusive.
I have 3 kids and am pregnant with my 4th, this kind of post never occurred to me. I’ve had Two early miscarriages so perhaps am more guarded then most, but I’ve also had friends lose babies in late miscarriages after 12 weeks, or have to make tough decisions about abnormalities later than 12 weeks (a whole other discussion I know).
I guess it feels like my posting a scan it’s saying ‘here’s our baby’, but you still face a lot of worry and risk before you have them in your arms.
I think a picture of a bump, or gender reveal etc...yes fine...but a 12 week scan just feels too early and too private to share on social?

OP posts:

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 07/03/2019 20:06

@Frecklesonmyarm

Don’t quote me and then infer I’m thick.

I said “each to their own”.

There’s a poster upthread that refers to a friend who lost a baby at 40w getting heaps of FB traffic from every man and his dog saying “is baby here yet”?

For me, in my experience it gives me the worry a bit. A blind man in a darkened room knows fine that as a pregnancy progresses the odds of a loss rapidly decrease but are not eliminated.

That - and I repeat for me - is why i wouldn’t do it personally and it makes me a bit concerned when others do it.

I don’t piss and moan about it though.

KBLondon · 07/03/2019 20:10

I don't really think it is right or wrong - but I did avoid announcing anything on Facebook until our baby was born (and kept that announcement short) as I was aware that I had a number of friends that had just gone through miscarriages and found friends' Facebook pregnancy announcements and updates difficult. Not sure if our birth announcement would have been any easier for them to deal with, though, so I was probably overthinking it.

Frecklesonmyarm · 07/03/2019 20:35

Don’t quote me and then infer I’m thick.

You mentioned you are risk averse. Theres no risk in posting on Facebook. Yes a poster mentioned someone losing their baby. I quoted you at the top, it wasnt all just based on that quote.

That's why there is paragraphs.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 07/03/2019 20:37

The risk is that should something go wrong you have everyone going “what’s happened” at a time when you could really just be doing without it.

THAT is what I’m talking about, not some inversely proportional relationship between posting on Facebook and “tempting fate”.

Gimme strength.

PCohle · 07/03/2019 20:42

PaulHollywood Why do you think women aren't aware of that risk? It's pretty patronising of you.

Lots of women are comfortable sharing their experiences of miscarriage and rely on those around them for support. You aren't better placed to tell a woman how she may want to grieve than she is herself.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 07/03/2019 20:47

Never said I was @PCohle

Never said I was.

Hence the multiple use of “for me” and “in my experience”.

I’m out. Too much stupid here. And massive assumption I don’t have the lived experience of when shit goes wrong and umpteen folk know.

I’m out.

PCohle · 07/03/2019 20:55

I imagine many women posting on this thread have experience of pregnancy loss. I know I do.

And I don't think daring to disagree with you makes me stupid thanks.

Frecklesonmyarm · 08/03/2019 03:28

The risk is that should something go wrong you have everyone going “what’s happened” at a time when you could really just be doing without it.

But this person is posting her own pregnancy, which would also be her loss. It's up to her.

Being risk averse isn't really anything to do with it, because this doesnt impact risk at all.

LaurieMarlow · 08/03/2019 03:56

It always amazes me how worked up people get about what others do on social media.

It’s their pregnancy, they can announce it how they like.

You can hide or unfollow them if it’s affecting you negatively.

Roxyxoxo · 08/03/2019 04:00

I just don’t like sharing personal stuff on Facebook, so for me we chose not to because of that; but seeing someone else’s doesn’t bother me- it’s nice to have some good news amongst everything going on.

bigandbumpy · 08/03/2019 04:38

This is exactly how I announced my pregnancy!!!!

bigandbumpy · 08/03/2019 04:43

And to whoever said that other people don't care about your announcement is bullshit - we had over 100 comments and likes on FB of people congratulating and wishing us well. It made the moment even more lovely.

blackcat86 · 08/03/2019 05:11

Or you could you know, just be happy for them! We did a Facebook pregnancy announcement at the 12 week scan. We were so excited so share the news with friends and extended family. We had a gorgeous scan photo so why wouldn't we share it? People were sharing photos of their lunch for God sake so surely a lovely scan photo makes a nice change. I wanted to tell everyone all at once so I didn't have to hide my changing body. Also why should we hide pregnancy loss? Had something gone wrong we would have celebrated her little life whilst her heart had beat inside me and would have needed support. She was our baby be it for a day, 3 months, or the rest of our lives.

dreaming174 · 08/03/2019 05:16

I also like seeing friends happy news in this wayand I also recently announced my own in the same way- but I live the other side of the world so maybe a bit different. I'm just happy for the couple!

NorthernRunner · 08/03/2019 07:50

I really like seeing them on Facebook, not that I go on there often, but it breaks up the boring same old rubbish, people complaining about others and so on.
Gender reveals on the other hand make my skin crawl, my MIL asked if we were going to do a gender reveal party and I was really taken a back. We won’t be doing anything if the sort, we will just tell people 😂

NameChangeNugget · 08/03/2019 08:28

I cannot believe people get so excited about other people’s use of social media.

Mexie · 08/03/2019 08:29

It did really annoy me when my 13 year old stepdaughter shared one of my scan pictures on Facebook without asking me. Didn't even know she had access to the picture - she found it on her dad's phone.

Original poster

Ambs81 · 08/03/2019 10:41

@mexie
That is such an intrusion, I’d be upset.

The person in question a few years ago, came to see me a few days before Dd2 was born, see brought me a welcome baby card which I thought was strange before the baby was born but let it go. Later she posted the picture of the card with the caption ‘welcome baby xxxx’ using the name we planned to give our daughter!!
Mutual friends were messaging as assumed I’d given birth!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5