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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate Facebook pregnancy announcements?

118 replies

Ambs81 · 06/03/2019 15:02

I don’t know if I’m being old fashioned or just over cautious, but a family member has recently announced pregnancy on fb with a picture of 12 week scan, on the day of 12 week scan.
This was the same day it was announced to all the family, a couple of hours prior.
They said they wanted to be sure everything was ok before telling family, but then quickly told everyone else as well.
I also (and I know this is weird) think it’s strange to share a scan picture in a (pretty) public forum...it is an internal scan or a 12 week foetus, it just seems intrusive.
I have 3 kids and am pregnant with my 4th, this kind of post never occurred to me. I’ve had Two early miscarriages so perhaps am more guarded then most, but I’ve also had friends lose babies in late miscarriages after 12 weeks, or have to make tough decisions about abnormalities later than 12 weeks (a whole other discussion I know).
I guess it feels like my posting a scan it’s saying ‘here’s our baby’, but you still face a lot of worry and risk before you have them in your arms.
I think a picture of a bump, or gender reveal etc...yes fine...but a 12 week scan just feels too early and too private to share on social?

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 06/03/2019 16:12

Big FB announcements are not for me but each to their own.

Confusedbeetle · 06/03/2019 16:13

I just hate Facebook entirely and with a vengance

FuzzyShadowChatter · 06/03/2019 16:14

I can see why some may be uncomfortable with it, but I think this is a personal thing that there is no wrong or right on. I mean, many have worries and uncertainty all the way through the pregnancy (and afterwards), but most people want to tell others before the baby is in arms even with the risks that things won't go as hoped.

While I personally didn't post anything to social media until I was past 36 weeks and only made a brief text post (anyone I wanted or needed to talk about my pregnancy with I told otherwise and pregnancy was never something I enjoyed discussing much), that is pretty uncommon and maybe a bit weird. This is one way people enjoy doing that. It's not unreasonable not to like it, but it's a bit unreasonable to act like doing so or doing it at 12 weeks is somehow worse than any other way.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 06/03/2019 16:15

It's the way of the world these days isn't it?

But even before Facebook, most people seemed to announce at 12weeks and I've been shown plenty of scan pictures.

DH couldn't keep his mouth shut so we announced early. When it went wrong, everyone was so lovely, I was actually very glad we had.

AnxietyDream Somehow you've managed to make it sound like you have babies for a living!

Lweji · 06/03/2019 16:16

I think a picture of a bump, or gender reveal etc...yes fine...but a 12 week scan just feels too early and too private to share on social?

Do you really think a bump (photo of a pregnant women's belly) is less private than a scan photo?

And I just won't comment on "gender reveal".

I'm share very little on FB, but can't see the problem with this.

MonicaGellerHyphenBing · 06/03/2019 16:20

I don't like Facebook pregnancy announcement full stop, I find them tacky and quite smug in the majority of cases. To the parents-to-be this is huge news but to anyone else it's really not that exciting. Each to their own I suppose.

MaryShelley1818 · 06/03/2019 16:20

We did this - I was excited and it was the easiest way to let people know :)
I’d previously had 2 miscarriages (one late) and others hadn’t upset me so tbh I never thought. Unfortunately I think any photos of anything has the potential to upset someone and you can’t live your life like that.

OvO · 06/03/2019 16:21

I like them.

But I also like Facebook which isn’t the done thing around here.

I like photos of other people children! pets, food, pregnancies, and announcements about babies, what’s for dinner, and if it’s snowing.

CatG85 · 06/03/2019 16:21

My input as someone who did the same exact thing on Saturday - had scan Friday morning. Close family already knew, told close friends Friday, step kids Saturday morning and posted Saturday afternoon to share with other friends and to share some good news in what has recently been a sad time.

I'm 13 weeks - whether I posted the announcement on Facebook or not it will have no reflection on anything that happens to my baby. I'm not boasting, I'm sharing happy news. I've had nothing but congrats and well wishes and know full well that nobody on my facebook would think I was. Yes there are a lot of people out their struggling etc but you can't base how you share your news or enjoy your happiness because of this. I have friends in that exact position but they'd never think anything of me making the post.

I also have friends on Facebook who never shared their news until they'd had the baby and I totally respect that decision too. It really shouldn't matter to anyone else unless it's their scan, their baby, their uterus and their Facebook :-)

stairway · 06/03/2019 16:23

I think 12 weeks is way too early but some people are so optimistic they can’t imagine anything going wrong.

Cookit · 06/03/2019 16:25

I wouldn’t do it personally but I don’t overly mind.
The risk from 12 weeks is obviously fairly low so people feel comfortable sharing. Of course can happen at any point but you do eventually have to tell people (I would personally not do so on social media but I get why people do). I’d love to hide my pregnancy until the end but everyone who sees me can clearly see it so you’ve just got to go with it and embrace it I guess.

Megan2018 · 06/03/2019 16:27

We will be doing a pregnancy announcement in the next few days via social media. It may or may not include a scan picture - not decided that yet. I will be about 13+4.

We have family and close friends to tell in person first this weekend, then we will use social media as a means to easily tell everyone else.

It is our news - we will share it however we like - I don't care what anyone else thinks or doesn't about it tbh.

My facebook is very locked down though and the post will not be visible to non friends or any strangers!

On the other hand I think baby showers and gender reveal parties are the height of naff and there will be none of that going on here! But I don't moan about other people doing them (even if I cringe on their behalf!)

Ginger1982 · 06/03/2019 16:28

I posted a pic of my scan photo (at a distance) with my dog. I had had successful IVF so I was very happy. I didn't mention it again on FB until he was born. I guess I didn't want folk thinking I was just fat!

I have gender reveals though, but then I don't really agree with finding out the sex anyway.

Ginger1982 · 06/03/2019 16:29

*hate

MonicaGellerHyphenBing · 06/03/2019 16:31

I have gender reveals though, but then I don't really agree with finding out the sex anyway.

Ginger1982 · 06/03/2019 16:34

Why the face Monica? I just think there are so few surprises in life! I should have qualified and said that I don't agree with it for myself. If others want to do it, fine, but I just think making a big party out of it is a bit OTT.

theworldistoosmall · 06/03/2019 16:36

I can understand why people share their pregnancy news over sm. It's quicker and easier to make a post rather than text/call extended family and friends. And not everyone has strangers on their sm, that I do find odd but each to their own.

PCohle · 06/03/2019 16:38

How is a scan picture private/intrusive? The only person who's privacy is being intruded upon is the mother and clearly she's comfortable with sharing it.

I also think the idea that she shouldn't share the news least she suffers a miscarriage after 12 weeks is odd. Who are you to say she wouldn't be comfortable sharing a loss with her facebook friends? A miscarriage isn't a shameful thing women should be afraid to speak about.

Most social media posts are smug in one way or another - I don't think baby scans are a particularly egregious!

Happyspud · 06/03/2019 16:38

Facebook is an announcement platform.

Having a baby is one of the biggest things that will ever happen to people. Not surprised some people want to announce it on Facebook. Don’t know why that should bother you any more than it being announced any way.

3in4years · 06/03/2019 16:41

Such an invasion of the child's privacy. On the world wide web before birth!

SemperIdem · 06/03/2019 16:42

I think the “intrusive” aspect you mention is a bit odd, to be honest. It’s not an up close photo of a set of labia.

However, I do agree with you overall. I wouldn’t ever post a scan photo. I was full term before I referenced my pregnancy at all on social media. Each to their own of course, but I have known too many have late losses to take 12 weeks as the green light to a guaranteed healthy baby.

eurgh · 06/03/2019 16:49

"I think people are so invested in social media that they cant help them self they need reassurance of strangers"

For goodness sake what a ridiculous blanket statement.
I am on Facebook, I post occasionally. I posted my scan pics after 12 weeks both times as I have family all over the world. I am friends with everyone in my 'friend' list. My privacy settings are high. So what's the problem. It doesn't mean that I'm so invested in social media I need the validation of strangers at all.
Get off your anti social media high horse

Idratherhaveacupoftea · 06/03/2019 16:55

I'm so glad I'm old. No such things as scans, no social media. Thinking back we didn't even have a phone at home. I can't even remember how we told people, just when we saw them I suppose.

53rdWay · 06/03/2019 16:57

I don’t like seeing scan photos either after several losses but, that’s my issue, not other people’s.

As for 12 weeks not being ‘safe’ - no it isn’t, but neither is any other point in pregnancy a 100% guarantee that you’ll be taking home a live baby at the end. Where other people decide to make the call about telling people is up to them. (Although I do flinch when I see people announce with a picture of two lines on a pregnancy test...)

Heyha · 06/03/2019 16:58

I did a Facebook post at 14 weeks mainly as I have friends from hobbies that I don't see in the winter and I won't be seeing much of them this year as a result! It saved having the same conversation turning down plans literally dozens of times.

I deliberately didn't use my scan pics though as I thought it weird putting a pic of my insides on the internet 😂 I didn't post anything for my 20 week (I haven't mentioned it since and don't intend to until baby hopefully arrives safely) but the pic I sent individually to family did then appear on Facebook a couple of times which again personally I found a bit uncomfortable.

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