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AIBU?

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Original poster

For this to be possible?

46 replies

PinkGlitter123 · 06/03/2019 12:32

To come out of a 14 year marriage and be in other relationships within a few months and be extremely happy?
One person was happy in the original marriage, the other wasn't.

OP posts:
GreenThing · 06/03/2019 12:35

Of course it's possible. I'd say it's common.

Leaving a relationship that wasn't going anywhere is incredibly liberating.

Even the person who was happy in the marriage often relishes the new freedoms after a fairly short time.

Original poster
PinkGlitter123 · 06/03/2019 12:37

Not really freedom though if they are in another relationship?

OP posts:
GreenThing · 06/03/2019 12:39

Of course it is. They are free of the person and relationship which went before.

Free to make new choices, with new people.

Atalune · 06/03/2019 12:40

It is often the case.

I think if you’ve been unhappy for such a long time when you’re faced with something good you don’t wait, you grab it with both hands.

It can’t feel good for the person left behind though.

TwitterQueen1 · 06/03/2019 12:41

Yes definitely! I felt so liberated, so free, able to make my own decisions on my terms, do what I wanted and when..... I had wonderful dreams where I was flying free above the ground and telling everyone they could do it too....

Foxyscarf · 06/03/2019 12:42

If the relationship was dying for a while then why should they wait to move on?

Bouncebacker · 06/03/2019 12:44

I met my husband less than a month after a significant relationship ended - I instantly knew that he was going to make me happy - I felt free to be myself with him in way I wasn’t in the previous relationship. I was totally on a high and felt liberated, and I was empowered that I had ended the last relationship and taken steps towards making a better life, so I was upbeat and positive - and I have stayed that way - I’ve now been with DH for 16 years 😍

Original poster
PinkGlitter123 · 06/03/2019 12:44

My brother and his ex have both got into new relationships just weeks/months after they split.
My brother was very happy in the marriage, she wasn't.
Now they are both in love again just a few short months on.

Never been in this position myself and can't imagine loving someone else so soon. Hope that doesn't sound judgemental. Just worried for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkGlitter123 · 06/03/2019 12:47

Well they are children involved for a start.
I get that marriages that have been dead for years can find new significant others very quickly but in my brother's case where it came completely out of the blue and he adored her then I do question it a bit.

OP posts:
GreenThing · 06/03/2019 12:48

I'd have been more worried for him if he'd been trying to prolong a relationship with someone who didn't want that.

Imagine the years of misery they've saved themselves.

Fairyliz · 06/03/2019 12:48

In my experience men can easily walk away from wife/children/wider family and be extremely happy. They seem to be able to shed their old lives without a backwards look.
Women tend to be more aware of the hurt they have caused other people and therefore have to prove it was worth all the headache by going around telling people how happy they are. How many people in ordinary relationship talk about how happy they are?

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 06/03/2019 12:50

I was in a stale unhappy marriage, took years to decide leaving was the right thing to do. The day I left I met a man (friend of a friend), I wasn't looking for a relationship but a month later he contacted me to go on a date. 15 years later we're still very much in love, happily married with 2 dc. It was the last thing I was looking for but turns out was just harpy I needed.

Original poster
PinkGlitter123 · 06/03/2019 12:51

He did want to save the marriage which we all didn't want for him as we knew her heart wasn't in it.

Right up until she said she wanted to officially separate he wanted her back as he adored her. Was devastated when she announced her decision but a few weeks on, met someone who he now says he loves. Hopefully he has just got very lucky.

OP posts:
greendale17 · 06/03/2019 12:52

Was devastated when she announced her decision but a few weeks on, met someone who he now says he loves. Hopefully he has just got very lucky.

^Your brother doesn’t really love this new girl does he? She is just a consolation prize

purplelass · 06/03/2019 12:55

Personally I'd checked out of my marriage long before it was officially over - it took months after discovering his lying and cheating before I could prove it, confront him (had a big family holiday booked) and get him out of the house.
So to outward appearances I moved on within 6 months, but really it was more like a year from knowing it was over.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 06/03/2019 12:55

Its called 'rebound love'.

Singlenotsingle · 06/03/2019 12:57

It's good if he's moved on, even if it doesn't turn out to be long term. He won't spend his time pining, moping and getting depressed.

Original poster
PinkGlitter123 · 06/03/2019 12:57

Well he says he now realises what his ex was really like and is seeing her in a new light.
Says this new woman is much better suited to him. Exact same hobbies, says she is kind and loving, nothing like his ex.

I have never been in this situation so don't know if it is actually possible. She does seem too good to be true but we will see.

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkGlitter123 · 06/03/2019 13:00

I agree that it can work if the marriage has been dead a long time, gone stale, both partners hearts not really in it anymore. I can certainly see that people can move on quickly and happily in that scenario.
But my brothers case isn't like that. Course we are glad he is getting out but he has young kids who have already been introduced to her and it is all moving very fast. Can't help but be concerned but, he is a grown man at the end of it all. I just hope my fears don't come true.

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 06/03/2019 13:04

You never really know the ins and outs of someone else’s marriage, sometimes people are unhappy but good at projecting that all is rosy and nothing is amiss.
Sometimes even the people in the marriage themselves are in denial and know deep down it isn’t working but can’t face it.

I do think if you have been unhappy for a while it’s almost like your marriage ends in your mind before it actually does in the real world, so you’re ready to meet people as soon as it actually breaks down. Especially if it’s beeb dragging on for years.

Of course some people are just in rebound relationships. And other people just NEED to be in relationships and can’t be alone, so jump straight into things. It varies person to person.

PinkHeart5914 · 06/03/2019 13:07

It is Freedom as they are away from the ex!

Sometimes people have hated being married for a while so to them that marriage is long dead so yes they have the brain space to move on quicker.

You don’t know any your brothers maroage was like as you weren’t living it, people are good at painting a picture for the outside world.

You only live once so if you get a chance at something that might make you happy why shouldn’t you take it

AcrossthePond55 · 06/03/2019 13:10

I don't think it's at all unusual for someone to fall into a new relationship right after a break up. But that doesn't mean it will last.

He's in love with her now. Will he be in love with her tomorrow? Who knows. It would be nice if he found true love so soon, but I'd say it's pretty rare.

Original poster
PinkGlitter123 · 06/03/2019 13:11

As I said, my brother's marriage (In his eyes ) wasn't like that and was very happy. He was very confused as to why it ended up the way it did and was devastated. He loved being married to her.
I know its different for those who have been unhappy for a long time or had a stale marriage but this wasn't the case here.

Hopefully like I said, he will be one of the lucky ones in this.

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Wantmyflipflops · 06/03/2019 13:13

Sometimes it takes meeting someone new and embarking on a new relationship to realise that we were not as happy as we thought we were in the old one.

You can get comfortable and attached to the familiar in a relationship but now he is with someone who actually cares for him and wants to be with him I am not surprised he is happier :)

DontCallMeCharlotte · 06/03/2019 13:15

My brother and his ex have both got into new relationships just weeks/months after they split.
My brother was very happy in the marriage, she wasn't.
Now they are both in love again just a few short months on.

Well your brother's ex was already emotionally ready to move on and, whilst it's a sweeping generalisation, I genuinely believe men have a primeval ability to move on to the next partner very quickly as well.