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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Good lord - help me - bridesmaid dresses

94 replies

JosiahJames · 05/03/2019 13:59

Hi all,

More of a WWYD than an AIBU
I'm getting married in the Autumn. I have 4 bridesmaids. When my sister got married, my other sister HATED the bridesmaid dresses my other sister put us in. She was very good about it all but it did affect her the whole day to the point, she still doesn't like looking at pictures of my sisters wedding because she thinks she looked awful in the dress (I don't think she did!)

Anyway, so for my wedding I really want all the bridesmaids to feel comfortable in what they wear.
The theme is red, white and gold so I was thinking red/gold dresses. The 4 ladies are all of different shapes, sizes and skin colours. 3, live in different parts of the UK and one lady lives in a totally different continent. So It's super hard to find one dress that suits them all.

I was a bridesmaid in the U.S in 2017. Because there were the same issues I seem to have, the bride just said I need you to have a dark blue dress and that was it, we all got slightly different dresses and it seemed to work
I suggested this to my mum and she said - with the greatest respect that wedding was very informal (beach wedding) This wedding is going to be a lot more formal and you need everyone to match perfectly (!Argh!)
Please, what do you all suggest I do? I almost just want to give them £70 ish towards their dresses each, say red and/or gold then leave them to decide but that may just make it look messy?
I am giving far too much of my brain space to this issue! Many thanks in advance

OP posts:

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 05/03/2019 17:55

An elegant long black dress each with 1 bridesmaid red sash 1 x gold sash and 1 x white sash ....brings all your colours together and everyone looks good in a black dress!! I dont mean big sash I mean worn like a belt! if you get my drift!

contrary13 · 06/03/2019 09:58

Josiah - I couldn't not be there. My daughter was the flower girl, 8 years old, desperate to wear her "fairy dress" (it really wasn't, but...), my best friend needed me to head off her dragon of a mother and help her university friend bridesmaid to keep her sister-in-law bridesmaid under control. The wedding was planned/booked before I was pregnant with my son - whom we all like to joke was the unborn pageboy (her mother was adamant, halfway through the planning, that she needed a pageboy "to balance the flower girl"... I think all mothers get a little bit daft over their daughter's weddings!) - and my daughter was heavily involved in the choosing of her dress/her godmother's wedding dress. It was just unfortunate that my bump went from being quite neat to "are you having triplets?!" overnight. But we managed. The morning of my best friend's wedding was spent rushing around the shops in the Welsh city she lived in, with her and the university friend bridesmaid (who is now one of my closest friends, too), desperately trying to work out what on earth I could wear. I spent the wedding reception being hauled out of chairs by the best man and fussed over by him and his wife, whilst my best friend's FIL and her dad put themselves on standby to drive me to the nearest hospital if I went into labour (as I said, my son was overdue; my due date was, actually, the day after the wedding...). I also toasted the bride and groom with a cup of tea, instead of champagne, and the hotel's staff were ever so lovely to brew tea for just me and my daughter to drink (although I think her godfather let her sip his champagne for the toast).

Would I have done it again? No. I was exhausted. I'm not entirely sure, now, how I managed to drive 800 miles in 3 days, with an excited 8 year old in tow and suddenly the size of a house... but my best friend needed me. So, with that in mind, of course I'd do it again.

My son was born, as I said, 11 days after the wedding, 10 days overdue.

At the end of the day, though, everyone's focus was on the bride and groom, as it should have been - and they made a beautiful couple, irrespective of her mother's wants and additions! It was a wedding which worked, as I'm sure yours will be, too.

MidniteScribbler · 06/03/2019 10:54

I'd actually go for something really different and ask one bridesmaid to find a red dress, one to find a gold dress, and one to find a white dress. The groomsmen can also wear the matching colour tie.

hickerydickerydockmouse · 06/03/2019 13:52

I really don't like matchy matchy dresses. It's a wedding not an army parade. Yes it's the bride and grooms day but other people want to look good too and not every thing suits every one. I like your idea. Just give them the colours and let them choose what they want. They will be able to choose what they like and feel comfortable in. However set ground rules if you are not comfortable with certain type of clothes before hand.

hickerydickerydockmouse · 06/03/2019 13:58

another alternative is that you find fabric and get them tailored to each bridesmaids needs. Might work out to be slightly more than your budget but would have the same fabric/colours and they will get something that fits and suits them.

ShirleyPhallus · 06/03/2019 14:01

I'd actually go for something really different and ask one bridesmaid to find a red dress, one to find a gold dress, and one to find a white dress. The groomsmen can also wear the matching colour tie.

That sounds hideous! And one of them in white to look like a rip-off bride?!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 06/03/2019 14:05

Set up a WhatsApp group, send them a link to this thread, let them come up with some proposals.

I love the coordinating navy (x2) and grey dress photos above.

hellsbellsmelons · 06/03/2019 14:07

Love some of these mismatched here

StatisticallyChallenged · 06/03/2019 14:40

Funny I like most of those hellsbellsmelons but the one which doesn't work, for me, is the red!

Thingsthatgo · 06/03/2019 14:46

Red can really clash compared to other colours. You could end up with an orangey red and a pinky red and a pillar box red.
Different golds would be easier on the eye I think, and would look a bit vintage.

YorkshireWelsh · 06/03/2019 15:17

Another vote for multi-way dresses! I had these for my 3 bridesmaids in 2016, as 2 had recently had children and 1 lived abroad and only arrived 2 days before the wedding! That way everyone gets to pick what style of dress but it standardises the colour and gives some formality 😊

cjpark · 06/03/2019 15:34

Just be wary of the multi-way dresses. I worn one last year as a bridesmaid. The first one was about £40 from Etsy and you could have farted through it, it was so thin. So the bride upped the budget to £100 and we tried another on-line dress and it was also really thin and showed every lump. In the end we went with 'two birds' dresses and they are lovely but very pricey.

KarineAimee · 06/03/2019 16:31

I’ve heard good things about Davids Bridal, and they are a bit cheaper than other bridesmaid dress suppliers (although still over the budget you’ve mentioned)
catalog.davidsbridal.co.uk/weddingstyle/Wedding-Style/1/

bananamonkey · 06/03/2019 16:35

Sounds fine to me. Oasis do bridesmaid dresses in the same colour but various different styles for a reasonable price. My friend has got these for her wedding, we all tried them on and decided which style we preferred and bob’s your uncle everyone’s happy.

Graphista · 06/03/2019 18:48

Used to work in this area. Even back when I did which, was over a decade ago, there were brides who went either bm all in same colour but different style or vice versa.

No reason you can't have them all in same colour but different styles.

BUT the fabric affects how the shade looks especially in changing lighting and I would recommend rather than agreeing verbally or even using photos that you send each bm a swatch of the fabric and colour/s you want them to stick to as that's more likely to get you an accurate match.

Also, £70 I'm sorry to tell you is unlikely to go far! Especially if you're wanting them to wear traditional/formal dresses. Even most "off the peg" of these style if gowns start around £100 mark. Then there's underwear, shoes...

Certainly not if you're buying from traditional boutiques (which would help with the other issues as each manufacturer often offers a number of styles in the same colour, plus a wide range of colours across different styles)

I'm sorry but I think it's your wedding, you're pretty much dictating what they wear and these aren't clothes they're likely to wear again so you should be paying for them.

Red was my signature colour too, bm scattered around country, used same retailer, so same dress supplier, bm in different styles but same exact colour was much easier to sort as a result and this was over 20 years ago. Not 2 of my bm looked alike in colouring/height/figure it would have been ridiculous to put them all in the same style but the colour (somewhere between a bright red & burgundy) suited them all.

I'm finding red and gold bm dresses easily enough statisticallychallenged but if you're just searching "bm dresses" they may not come up immediately if those colours aren't "in" just now, doesn't mean they're not available. And not just from "dodgy" suppliers either but the usual places from high street (debenhams, monsoon) to boutiques to well known online retailers.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 06/03/2019 19:59

The thing I note from the mismatched bridesmaids is that you need several to make it work. With only 4, I think they need to have more overlap so that you can discern a theme.

StatisticallyChallenged · 07/03/2019 12:15

I didn't mean they weren't available at all, just that some of the cheaper companies who often do multiple dresses in the same fabric didn't seem to have much red. Softer pastels, pale blues etc were much easier to find. No problem at all in proper boutiques.

OlderAussieMum · 07/03/2019 14:35

Have you thought of multi/convertible dresses.

I had 2 bridesmaids at a formal wedding in two completely different body shapes.

They looked stunning, loved the dresses and wore them differently.

bellabasset · 07/03/2019 22:33

Have you looked at jjshouse online. I think they're a Polish company. They have a range of chiffon dresses in several styles and up to 57 colours, they're around £100
www.jjshouse.co.uk/ You could get your bridesmaids to look at styles and colours.

You can have the dresses made to measure. Worth a look

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