Good lord - help me - bridesmaid dresses

[JosiahJames]

Hi all,

More of a WWYD than an AIBU
I'm getting married in the Autumn. I have 4 bridesmaids. When my sister got married, my other sister HATED the bridesmaid dresses my other sister put us in. She was very good about it all but it did affect her the whole day to the point, she still doesn't like looking at pictures of my sisters wedding because she thinks she looked awful in the dress (I don't think she did!)

Anyway, so for my wedding I really want all the bridesmaids to feel comfortable in what they wear.
The theme is red, white and gold so I was thinking red/gold dresses. The 4 ladies are all of different shapes, sizes and skin colours. 3, live in different parts of the UK and one lady lives in a totally different continent. So It's super hard to find one dress that suits them all.

I was a bridesmaid in the U.S in 2017. Because there were the same issues I seem to have, the bride just said I need you to have a dark blue dress and that was it, we all got slightly different dresses and it seemed to work
I suggested this to my mum and she said - with the greatest respect that wedding was very informal (beach wedding) This wedding is going to be a lot more formal and you need everyone to match perfectly (!Argh!)
Please, what do you all suggest I do? I almost just want to give them £70 ish towards their dresses each, say red and/or gold then leave them to decide but that may just make it look messy?
I am giving far too much of my brain space to this issue! Many thanks in advance

I much prefer the idea of variations on a theme, (red or gold etc.) rather than identical dresses. A Whatspp group chat is a good idea. They could post pictures of dresses they find so you could reduce the possibility of colour clashes. Plus, they're more likely to be able to wear the dress again.

Can you find one ssuplier than offers same colour same material dresses in different styles and let them pick the style?

My only concern would be in pillow ox red chiffon, one in burgandy silk, one in red leather... OK maybe not leather lol but I think mismatched materials might look messy

Tbh I wish of done same colour own style for mine

I think your mum is wrong but different shades of red might look awful depending on what they pick. I’d go with asking them to get a gold dress and maybe have a red bouquet and have a red belt or something made of the same fabric to go with the dress to tie it together. Either that or give them a swatched red fabric or ribbon and ask them to get a red that matches relatively closely to that.

www.debenhams.com/women/dresses/bridesmaid/gold

As others have said ASOS have bridesmaids dresses and they often have different styles of dress in the same material/colour. Would definitely recommend. The dresses for my BM were £22 each! And looked nicer than a lot of the dresses that were £150+ at the bridal shops.

Also agree with allowing money for dresses to be altered - if they are all the same.

I tried mine with multi-way dresses but struggled to make them look smart, which is important if your wedding is quite formal. Lots of them are also in a slightly odd material.

I would check first if you can find a shop in the right prices selling different dresses in the same fabric.

I find bridesmaid wearing different dresses but same colour look better.

love this classic yet cheap half of ur budget www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10701_10001_61252+280497_-1

Haha - @VampirateQueen - I am literally just doing this now

The bouquets would be red flowers (more likely roses) if this makes any difference
I love all the ideas - really taking the pressure off
Do you think £70ish towards the dresses each is okay? The bridesmaids are all in different circumstances too, one a student, whilst one earns $100,000 per annum but I don't particularly want to treat them differently. Thoughts please :)

www.jjshouse.co.uk/Cheap-Bridesmaid-Dresses-c7/Red_p40785i40812/

gold can be tricky
www.jjshouse.co.uk/Cheap-Bridesmaid-Dresses-c7/Gold_p40785i40793/

Whilst I prefer non matching dresses, red is a tricky colour to give free choice with as not all shades of red complement each other.

I would be inclined to go with the multi way dresses suggested in a previous post.

I got married 2 years ago and had 5 adult bridesmaids, so I chose the multi-way dresses in navy (from Debenhams) and said they could wear them however they liked.

I didn't see the point in expecting someone to wear a dress they hated/felt uncomfortable in for the sale of my wedding day. They all ended up choosing very similar ways of wearing the dress but that was their choice

Buy some material, get the dresses made up by a seamstress (yes, they do exist) that way they are all bespoke and all can be different styles. And I doubt if they will cost much more than off the peg. Really.

Just a word from personal experience: I found it really hard to find a flattering red dress to be maid of honour to my friend. There were lots that were vampishly sexy, but I didn't really feel that was appropriate. We ended up going with black dresses for the bridesmaids with red accessories. It's easy to match blacks!!

It think £70 sounds good, then people who want to spend more can put more money if they really want to, but the others can still get a nice dress for that amount.

Remember to budget for accessories (if you're having any) eg. hair things, necklaces etc.

If it were me I'd have the same style but different colours, or similar styles but different colours.

Whistles have gorgeous bridesmaid (or in their 'bridesmaid' section) that could be worn again and so do Warehouse.

Beware of red. There are so many different shades that they are bound to clash. Try and pick a particular shade of red e.g. 'true' red, which suits everyone. Then they can pick a style they like.

mssquiz you and they all look fab!

Given both red and gold can vary massively I'd be inclined to find a supplier who does lots of different dresses in the same fabrics. All the big bridesmaid dress companies (the ones you find in bridal shops) do this, but unless they've got a lot cheaper then £70 won't come close to the cost of those. So you could say "everyone chose a chiffon dress from Mori Lee" and they'd all be same colour and fabric but individual cuts. This may be doable across continents too if you can find stockists.

I have to admit I am not a fan of the infinity dresses but they do solve a problem.

I like not identical dresses but it can look awful without some consistency.

I think your colours might be tough just now, actually. I've looked at a few online/high street places (not dodgy chinese companies!) who do different dresses in the same fabrics but red and gold aren't featuring.

One of the nicest weddings I went to, the 3 bridesmaids wore 3 different shades of gold/copper each in a style they had chosen themselves. They looked lovely. ( It was an Autumn wedding, think Autumnal leaf colours)

I had 4 bridesmaids. I knew the colour that I wanted, but we went to a bridal shop that did bridesmaids dresses. Each one picked their own style of dress that suited them, and it looked great. They matched in colour, but had their own individual dresses. We were all in our 30s so matchy matchy would have looked a bit twee!!\

you need everyone to match perfectly

Er... no. You really don't. I think stick to your plan and stop stressing. It's your wedding, not your Mum's.

I gave my bridesmaids a colour and a fabric, ended up with 4 different shades, different lengths, different styles. My flower girls had a complementary colour and same fabric. They had six different dresses but got ones that suited them, they liked and could wear again. The photos looked fab too, not uniform and everyone happy. Go with what you want, OP, different dresses can be fab!

I think it's your wedding, not - with the greatest of respect - your mum's, so it's entirely up to you.

I was maid of honour, whilst heavily pregnant, at my best friend's Catholic wedding. By the time the day came, my bump (I was literally 11 days away from my son's birthdate, and he was overdue) had exploded, and having travelled 400 miles from home, it was a panic to find suitable clothes for the day... gone was my beautiful dress, and in came maternity leggings in black and a floaty black tunic top. I look completely different from the flower girl in white (my daughter) and the two bridesmaids in their matchy/matchy red dresses... but it worked. No one batted an eyelid. Why would they? The focus was on the bride, not the rest of us - as it should be.

For my own wedding last year I told all 5 of my brides maid I wanted a light blue theme and they all got different shades of light blue which just looked stunning.

Rational with this was
A) wanted them to be comfortable with what they were wearing.
B) the different hues of light blue was even better than I had imagined
C) easier to keep everyone happy

The only thing I would say is that having one in gold and three in red would look odd (unless you are having a matron of honour / head bridesmaid, who is the differently dressed one), so either all in red or gold or two and two

Red is also quite hard to find - burgundy is more popular (I think because it suits more people). And consider the variation is what is considered "red"

ASOS have a few different designs in the same fabric, and if you went down this route £70 would cover the cost of the dress (but not shoes etc) www.asos.com/women/dresses/maxi-dresses/cat/?cid=9979&ctaref=cat_header&currentpricerange=10-395&refine=brand:53|base_colour:11,1

Your BM might struggle to find a decent dress under budget, unless they happen to get lucky with a sale bargain - but that increases the chances of them all wearing something very different and it looking a bit haphazard.

If, however, these are likely to fit, you could be onto a winner: dress 1 and dress 2 OR dress 3