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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Good lord - help me - bridesmaid dresses

94 replies

JosiahJames · 05/03/2019 13:59

Hi all,

More of a WWYD than an AIBU
I'm getting married in the Autumn. I have 4 bridesmaids. When my sister got married, my other sister HATED the bridesmaid dresses my other sister put us in. She was very good about it all but it did affect her the whole day to the point, she still doesn't like looking at pictures of my sisters wedding because she thinks she looked awful in the dress (I don't think she did!)

Anyway, so for my wedding I really want all the bridesmaids to feel comfortable in what they wear.
The theme is red, white and gold so I was thinking red/gold dresses. The 4 ladies are all of different shapes, sizes and skin colours. 3, live in different parts of the UK and one lady lives in a totally different continent. So It's super hard to find one dress that suits them all.

I was a bridesmaid in the U.S in 2017. Because there were the same issues I seem to have, the bride just said I need you to have a dark blue dress and that was it, we all got slightly different dresses and it seemed to work
I suggested this to my mum and she said - with the greatest respect that wedding was very informal (beach wedding) This wedding is going to be a lot more formal and you need everyone to match perfectly (!Argh!)
Please, what do you all suggest I do? I almost just want to give them £70 ish towards their dresses each, say red and/or gold then leave them to decide but that may just make it look messy?
I am giving far too much of my brain space to this issue! Many thanks in advance

OP posts:

ShirleyPhallus · 05/03/2019 14:55

The multi-way dresses are SO 2018 and will look really dated in a few years, I’d really avoid them!

MrsFionaCharming · 05/03/2019 14:58

I wore a multi-way dress as a bridesmaid, there’s absolutely no structuring in them, so they’re unflattering on all but the most toned of people, and most of the styles are very revealing.

Alarae · 05/03/2019 14:58

My bridesmaids were different shapes and sizes, so I decided on a general look (chiffon/flow) and then picked dresses based on what would suit their bodies. Each dress was also a different pastel colour.

So I went full hog on different colours and styles 😁

Willow2017 · 05/03/2019 14:58

All my bridesmaids had different dresses in different pastel colours. We got so many compliments on how lovely they all looked because all the dresses suited thier individual shape and ages.

Dont listen to your mum i have seen loads of bridesmaids in different dresses its much better than one type suits all cos it often doesn't.

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/03/2019 15:03

Pick a bridesmaid dress designer that sells internationally and tell them to choose from that up to a budget of ... whatever. Although you will probably need to spend more than £70 if you do that. Then if they all pick a red dress it will be in the same red, but the styles will be different.

Personally though I wouldnt be going for such strong colours as they can be hard to wear. I cant wear red or white as I dont have the colouring, some shades of gold are ok but not all.

Siameasy · 05/03/2019 15:08

You can go for a palate rather than matching athough I definitely agree that various reds won’t work. The palate thing seems to work more with pastel colours or neutrals.

Original poster

JosiahJames · 05/03/2019 15:12

So the consensus seems to be use the same material but different styles which I will try to go for

@MsSquiz - Great pictures - thank you for sharing
@Contrary13 - Wow - so brave going to a wedding so close to baby coming!

The bridesmaids ages range from 22 to 42 (even though the 42 year old could easily pass for 30!) so I certainly agree with a couple of you who say that at our ages (I will be 30) it would look silly to match

OP posts:

combatbarbie · 05/03/2019 15:12

I'm just going to throw it out there but red and gold are hard colours to wear.... I am blonde and tan easily, red does not suit me despite it supposedly being the blondes go to colour. Gold I find washes people out.

Hazlenutpie · 05/03/2019 15:14

Do what you want to do, it's your wedding not your mum's.

zinrepus · 05/03/2019 15:18

It helps if you can find a supplier as reds do vary hugely, but it's not that big of a deal. I had my girls do "not full-length dresses in navy with texture" (I encouraged sequins, beading, lace, whatevs). They all ended up with lace elements, but the dresses varied from chiffon to jersey to satin. One found a Coast dress from a few years back at a charity shop for £12. On the other end of the spectrum one of my sisters got a dress from a legit bridal shop (so...in the region of £200). The others got dresses in their price range. People find ways to make things work. And they more or less looked like a set anyway...

Good lord - help me - bridesmaid dresses

ShirleyPhallus · 05/03/2019 15:42

I think red and gold are in danger of making them look like Christmas tree baubles

Original poster

JosiahJames · 05/03/2019 15:44

@ShirleyPhallus - Bahahaha - this is a good point!
Flip - I will never please everyone will I, rarr, why is this so hard

OP posts:

FlagranceDirect · 05/03/2019 15:46

I almost just want to give them £70 ish towards their dresses each, say red and/or gold then leave them to decide but that may just make it look messy?

That's an excellent idea, and I disagree that it will look messy. It's exactly what my daughter plans and hers is a very formal wedding.
Bridesmaids range from extremely slim to slightly bigger.
Your Mum needs to understand that it's your wedding for starters, and secondly to embrace fresh ideas.

HedgehogGirl · 05/03/2019 15:47

Haven't read every reply but I totally agree that you don't need to have everyone in the same dress. I would recommend either finding somewhere that does makes a variety of styles in the same fabric, or going for gold dresses - different reds have a tendency to clash - or one in red and the rest in gold. I agree with letting them pick their own dresses, but not red. Also I would set a max budget (I would recommend up to £100 if you can stretch to it) in the hopes that a couple of them will find something suitable for cheaper and you will cover the cost, rather than just giving them each a lump sum.

1poppy1 · 05/03/2019 15:59

I think the idea of just giving the bridesmaids a colour and budget and letting them choose is great. However I think the major stumbling block is the colours that you have chosen. Different shades of light blue, example above, look good together. Different shades of red and gold can clash horribly.

As an example, these are all Chi Chi dresses in red, some of them would love lovely together, but others are quite disharmonious.
www.asos.com/search/?page=1&q=chi%20chi%20red%20dress

NB I love the 2nd and 4th ones in this list, perhaps you could send your bridesmaids a search like this and see which ones they like? You never know they might have similar tastes and then you would be worrying about nothing. It does depend on their sizes too.

Shookethtothecore · 05/03/2019 16:01

Defo same colour in a different style, it’s more modern anyway. You will have to make sure they all have the same shade tho. 2 in gold and 2 in red maybe?! ASOS are good for same colour dresses in different styles

EveryYouEveryMe · 05/03/2019 16:02

Actually to get the exact shade or similar of red you want Go to a DIY store, grab all the red paint chips you like. Decide on which one(s) you want and work and send the exact same one to each of your bridesmaids to match to a red dress.

TemporaryPermanent · 05/03/2019 16:06

Just to throw a wild card in - you can also just ask them to dress up in a wedding guest outfit they own and like, and provide a corsage or post each.

Original poster

JosiahJames · 05/03/2019 16:15

@OlennasWimple - I like your way of thinking, a really indepth response, thanks
Mumsnet has literally never been more helpful for me - it's great to hear what others have done :)

OP posts:

CinnamonTwist · 05/03/2019 16:27

OP could you get a piece of card/material in the colour(s) you like and ask your bridesmaids to find a dress they like that is as close as possible to that colour/ one of the colours?

Fuzzyheadache · 05/03/2019 16:30

Middle ground is to get a swatch of the colours and send them over. I have two bridesmaids and I’ve asked them to pick something they like in the colour I have chosen. Your bridesmaids being comfortable is far more important than your bridesmaids wearing a uniform

Original poster

JosiahJames · 05/03/2019 16:49

@Fuzzyheadache - Couldn't agree more

@CinnamonTwist - Great idea

OP posts:

TriciaH87 · 05/03/2019 16:52

I suggest you give guidance as in red and the shade. You need to choose one colour or you need to assign 2 red and 2 gold as 3 of one colour will make one look like the odd one out. Tell them the length possibly material and if you want sleeves for example then let them loose. Just ask they send you a picture before purchasing.

LongtimeLurkerNowPokemonHunter · 05/03/2019 16:57

I picked a colour, they picked the dress
Totally outs me if they're on here but who cares 😂
From a bridal shop bought in different countries. Lace for chief bridesmaid but all others different.

Actually differing materials too but not noticeable. All dessy group if that helps although over £70

thecatsthecats · 05/03/2019 17:47

I find it a bit uncanny when people have their bridesmaids matching from their lipstick to their hair to their dresses...

£70 is fine - I gave each of my 3 that budget and a brief of colours and left them to it. Apart from one who agonised over it, they just picked! My sister had one that suited breastfeeding, another managed to get her dress and shoes in the sale for £18 altogether!

I think we looked awesome

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