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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Good lord - help me - bridesmaid dresses

94 replies

JosiahJames · 05/03/2019 13:59

Hi all,

More of a WWYD than an AIBU
I'm getting married in the Autumn. I have 4 bridesmaids. When my sister got married, my other sister HATED the bridesmaid dresses my other sister put us in. She was very good about it all but it did affect her the whole day to the point, she still doesn't like looking at pictures of my sisters wedding because she thinks she looked awful in the dress (I don't think she did!)

Anyway, so for my wedding I really want all the bridesmaids to feel comfortable in what they wear.
The theme is red, white and gold so I was thinking red/gold dresses. The 4 ladies are all of different shapes, sizes and skin colours. 3, live in different parts of the UK and one lady lives in a totally different continent. So It's super hard to find one dress that suits them all.

I was a bridesmaid in the U.S in 2017. Because there were the same issues I seem to have, the bride just said I need you to have a dark blue dress and that was it, we all got slightly different dresses and it seemed to work
I suggested this to my mum and she said - with the greatest respect that wedding was very informal (beach wedding) This wedding is going to be a lot more formal and you need everyone to match perfectly (!Argh!)
Please, what do you all suggest I do? I almost just want to give them £70 ish towards their dresses each, say red and/or gold then leave them to decide but that may just make it look messy?
I am giving far too much of my brain space to this issue! Many thanks in advance

OP posts:

mynameiscalypso · 05/03/2019 14:04

I think your mum is talking rubbish. We had a 'formal' wedding (Catholic church, traditional reception) and my bridesmaids all wore different dresses in the same colour. They had such different body types (and one was pregnant) and there's no way everyone would have liked the same thing. They looked great! I got them from J Crew but I think they've stopped doing bridesmaid stuff now which is a shame because they were so good.

ILoveBray · 05/03/2019 14:05

Do whatever you want OP, it's your wedding. A formal wedding doesn't have to be matchy matchy. Different dresses in the same colour sound lovely, and everyone is more likely to find something they like. I wouldn't pay attention to your mother, go with what you want.

marmiteloversunite · 05/03/2019 14:05

Could you have those dresses that you can tie the top in a variety of ways but the material/skirt/colour are all the same? Would suit different body shapes?

Shoxfordian · 05/03/2019 14:05

Yeah I think your Mum is wrong too. Ask her to organise it for you if she thinks it's important.

Purpleartichoke · 05/03/2019 14:08

Bridal stores have many lines of bridesmaid dresses where you pick the fabric and then the bridesmaid picks the style that best suits her. All the styles in the group will coordinate. You just need to pick a group that has a good mix of styles.

ImMeantToBeWorking · 05/03/2019 14:08

You don't have to match exactly. I was a BM a few years ago and I was very slim, the other BM was a lot bigger. We were both in the same colour but two totally different style dresses. There are alot of sites (Rosie's Boutique in NI being one of them) that have the same dress in lots of different colours, and the same colour in lots of different dresses.

Readytogogogo · 05/03/2019 14:08

I found that Debenhams had a good range of bridesmaid dresses. I told my two bridesmaids what colour they needed to wear, and that they could choose any dress they liked that was the right colour (and I would pay). Worked really well and hopefully meant that they ended up with dresses they could wear again.

maggiecate · 05/03/2019 14:10

Different dresses is fine, been to lots of weddings where this happens. Matching dresses which don't suit one or more of the bridesmaids look much worse (and stand out more) than having them in different styles that fit well and flatter them.

peachgreen · 05/03/2019 14:11

If you do end up going for the same dress, go for something with sleeves and a loose skirt - ideally empire line. Suits most people.

MrsFionaCharming · 05/03/2019 14:12

Check out ASOS, a lot of their bridesmaid dresses come in multiple styles, but made of the same colour and fabric. So each maid can pick the one that will suit them, but they all tie together really well.

Wed2be also has some good dresses like that, but not as easy for the one who lives overseas.

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon · 05/03/2019 14:14

My only worry with your plan is different shades of red will be awful. Imo.
Maybe just say gold dress? You provide a red flower?

MaMaMaMySharona · 05/03/2019 14:16

I don't actually like it when bridesmaids all wear the same outfit, it takes away their individuality. People who are different ages/sizes/shapes won't necessarily look good in the same thing, and if they're your good friends (which I assume they would be if they're bridesmaids) then surely you'd want them all to be happy and comfortable on the day!

I'd go with giving them a budget and colour scheme and picking their own dresses - ASOS often has really good options for good prices.

GrubbyHipsterBeard · 05/03/2019 14:17

I would go for the multi-way dresses - they’re one size so don’t need to be tried on and can be worn in a number of ways that suit all body shapes. Two birds are the originals but expensive - you can get almost identical for about £30 on Etsy.

Incidentally I disagree with your mum - all that matters is that you and your BMs are happy, there is no right way for them to look!

hellsbellsmelons · 05/03/2019 14:17

Everyone loves a bit of variety.
But definitely give a colour only.
Not red OR gold etc....
Just red!

BossAssBitch · 05/03/2019 14:20

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon

My only worry with your plan is different shades of red will be awful. Imo. Maybe just say gold dress? You provide a red flower?

I agree with this ^ however, gold can come in many different shades. Personally I would get on a website (Asos, etc) that has one colour in a few differing styles and tell your BMs to pick a style they like.

I got married last July and my BMs had different styles of dress in the same fabric, I wanted this look as I felt matchy matchy is a bit dated

Original poster

JosiahJames · 05/03/2019 14:21

Thank you for all your suggestions so far - some great ideas, ridiculous that I am getting stressed about this

OP posts:

babysharkah · 05/03/2019 14:22

Isn't matchy matchy a bit dated now anyway? Chose the colour and let them chose what they want!

EgremontRusset · 05/03/2019 14:24

You could also get them all the same skirt (if it was loose) and let them have different tops in the same colour - given that with dresses it’s more often the top half doesn’t fit than the bottom half.

Cwtches123 · 05/03/2019 14:24

It doesn't matter if they are a different style but keep to the same colour.
Be careful with red though as the shades can vary a lot and you - anything from scarlet to burgundy.

DieSchottin93 · 05/03/2019 14:26

I'd go for the infinity style dresses like a couple of other posters have suggested. That way your bridesmaids can still have the same colour dress but wear them in a style they feel comfortable in.

VampirateQueen · 05/03/2019 14:27

Can you set up a group chat and ask them what styles they feel comfortable in and send a few pictures of one's you like see which dresses everyone is happy with. You could then send them the dresses for them to get altered to fit perfectly if needed. That's what 2 of my friends have done when I was their bridesmaids.

Greyhound22 · 05/03/2019 14:29

My DSIL let us choose different dresses just the same colour which was great as I am tiny and the others were really tall so nothing matched us all. I had the same dresses from Lindy Bop for my wedding but all of my bridesmaids were a similar curvy shape. I think different dresses look great.

Atalune · 05/03/2019 14:29

Yes get the colour right, but let them choose the cut and style.

diddl · 05/03/2019 14:31

Just have one bmaid?

Seriously, it's your wedding, do it how you want.

I like the idea of same colour, different styles.

But really, it doesn't matter-the point is that you're married!

MerryMarigold · 05/03/2019 14:32

I wouldn't say red and gold as it's a hard combination to find and could get too different. There's also a wide variety of reds and they can look horrible next to each other. Personally I'd go for gold as different golds could look lovely together. You get the red in though flowers/ bouquets.

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