Returning gifts and requesting cash

[RubyWho]

Hello,

I can’t tell if AIBU or not and have have mixed views, so I thought I’d put it to the experts.

I bought some gifts - for no specific occasion- for two children in my family. I bought them because I thought they were cute and the kids would like them. I sent them via post and asked the children’s parent to confirm if and when they arrived. The parent confirmed they had arrived but asked me to return said gifts and give them (the parent) the money instead as that would be more useful.

Is this UR? Ungrateful? Or am I just being overly precious?

Wow was a very gentle response. My not so Dsister used to do this every year no matter who bought what for her kids and her and her husband. We ended up just sending gift vouchers for Argos etc so the kids at least, hopefully, got something and the parents didn't actually get cash.
There are some real entitled CF's in the world.

I really hope your sister lets her kids keep the presents. That would be mean otherwise.

Send something like this to the CM:

Hi CM,
In answer to your question on whether I can return the gifts I bought for Child A and Child B, unfortunately, that will not be possible. The items were bought for the children as they had expressed an interest in receiving something from Posh-type shop so I thought I'd be able to surprise them. I am not in a position to subsidise your family budget and even if I were able to return them, the money would go directly to Child A and Child B as the gifts were for them originally. Hope you're keeping well and see you at X event in the future. All the best to everyone,
RubyWho

Something similar happened to me with a relative, who preferred vouchers or cash. So after that, the very-unacademic children were sent book tokens.

I would have responded the same way. Wow how cheeky of them. Please do not send them any money.

The kids received the items in the post (addressed to them) so have opened them, and then contacted me to say thanks
So that's the end of the matter then.
You don't NEED to do anything else.

The parent actually wants to take the dc gifts off them knowing that they like them - that's cruel and emotionally abusive.
The parent wants you to send money so they can line their own pockets.
Why would you even consider enabling them in their greed and emotionally abusing their dc?

If you've already decided you're going to enable the CF's and be a mug despite knowing they're bang out of order - then why even bother posting?

Rude c.f.! Just say the kids can keep them as they like them. But if they're returned the children will getting nothing, as an impromptu gift, it's a treat for the child not a subsidy for the parents responsibility of providing for them.

This gets worse. So the parents are prepared to deprive their children of gifts and expect you to subsidise the family budget? There’s only one response to that and the second word is “off”.

If she is cheeky enough to ask you to send money, she is cheeky enough to take the items off the kids and flog them herself.

You, and the kids, sound lovely. Their parents do not. I think your response was proportionate.

I regularly get inappropriate gifts (my mother in particular thinks I am four dress sizes bigger than I actually am). I apply KonMari (the purpose of a gift is to be received) and thank her for her generosity, then quietly donate. Wouldn’t cross my mind to ask for cash. So, so rude! Toe curling!